Love You So Bad

We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal

Seven pairs of eyes couldn't look at each other the same now. Everyone was a threat. A threat that each of them cared so deeply about. They obviously loved each other so much, so there was no hatred that could be felt by anybody once everyone's feelings were out in the open.

That's right. Each of them had told another, but it was only a matter of time before all seven of them were aware that their competition was the other six. Secrets between them rarely remained secrets. It was easy to figure someone out once you knew them for that long. And once everyone was aware that there were feelings involved, it became so easy to pick apart everyone's behaviors. So gradually, it became evident to each member, that they weren't the only ones who were in love. And nobody knew where to go from there.

So the whole situation, as absurd as it sounded, was being totally ignored by the original seven members. And you, on the other hand, remained painfully unaware of the tensions forming around you, something that bought them all both irritation and relief.

"Thank you guys so much for joining us tonight!!" Jungkook wrapped up his ending moment as he looked out at the crowd with misty eyes. "I won't ever have the words to describe how much ARMY means to me. Thank you for being with us for so long!"

The cheers and roars were deafening as he made a full bow and you waited until they died down before clearing your throat and stepping forward.

"Hello, I'm (Name) from BTS," you started, gazing out to the crowd filling the Rajamangala Stadium in Bangkok on April 9th, 2019. The last concert of the Love Yourself Tour. "This tour was such an amazing experience. I got to work hard on the songs and choreos I love, got to spend time with the members who have been so kind to me, and got to see all of you in this new and exciting way,"

Your pointer finger twiddled around the stem of the microphone as something akin to stage fright settled in your stomach. Though you had never had a problem with performing in front of crowds, this ending speech made you nervous. Because you knew that it wouldn't be the same as any other speech you've given before.

"The Love Yourself series has a really special place in my heart. I've always been a fan of Bangtan's music, but just knowing that this is something that I've watched be created, something that I contributed to, something that we worked hard on, makes it so unique,"

You lock eyes with Namjoon, who gives you a comforting dimpled smile, and the feelings of nervousness slowly ebb away. You know what you need to say.

"I have never enjoyed working towards something the way I've enjoyed this. It has been such an amazing journey and I'm so lucky that I was surrounded by such loving people. The staff, the managers, the entire company, they've all treated me so well and I got to accomplish so much. But the best part was being surrounded by an amazing group and all of you. You've been so supportive of me even when you had no reason to be, and for that, I'm so so grateful,"

You bit your bottom lip discreetly, trying to find words to describe what you were feeling.

"The members too, who have been so accommodating for me, who've changed their entire lives to have me be comfortable and support me. There's no way I can repay them for all they've done," you sighed as you turned to look at them. Even in their various states of embarrassment, you knew they understood your sincerity. You turned back to the crowd, eyes suddenly feeling hot.

"Ah, this is bittersweet. My first tour is coming to an end and I feel really happy but really nostalgic,"

You glanced back at each of the members, who were looking at you with their own unique expressions of fondness, and you reveled in the feeling of family they gave you.

ARMY was quiet as they listened to you, and you took a deep breath, contemplating your next words. "As you all likely know by now, this was to be my first and last BTS tour. My contract was only valid until the end of the Love Yourself Tour..."

The screams of heartbreak echoing around the stadium made you smile ruefully.

"Now I have two paths in front of me: either become a solo artist like I always dreamed..." you turned to look back at the seven boys who had completely stolen your heart. "...or continue to stay here with you,"

It wasn't specified who "you" was referring to, but the message was clear.

Did you want to move on, or stay?

You turned back to crowd, eyes shining but a determined smile etched on your face. "I haven't made a decision yet, but deep down I think I know what I want. I just hope, that no matter what choice I make, I'll continue to have your love and support, and that you'll always continue to support Bangtan!! Thank you ARMY, for giving me the best 2 years of my life! I love you all so much!"

***

And a few nights later, as you scrolled through Twitter in the comfort of your bed, you felt a pure sense of happiness wash over you. For the first time in a while, you could stand to ignore the hate comments and focus on the intense love you saw. Even through a screen it was clear: you had made an impact on people, just the way they made an impact on you. You continued to scroll until heaviness crept up on your eyelids, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to you.

And as you slept soundly in this sweet home of yours, blissfully unaware of the letter slipping under your door that you would see only when the first rays of light entered the room the next day, you dreamt that tomorrow would be different. Your life would change for the better.

But deep down you feel that...

it's been a fun ride.