umbrella { sunjay }

3.

song recommendation: cancer -twenty one piolets

"it's going to be okay, i promise. i'll take care of everything." sunoo lifted the distressed girl's head gently so he could look into her eyes. 

and he meant every word.

he had one thing on his mind; to take care of his pregnant girlfriend. it's like his worries were replaced with the sense of responsibility.

"okay. i believe you." she spoke so softly, he could hear the pain in her voice. he hated it. he wished he could take all her pain away and give it to himself. 

soon, they had to tell their parents and families. but they did it together, hand and hand. it was never easy and sunoo even received a good slap from eunji's mother. but he felt like he deserved it. he knew he did.

time progressed and eunji's tummy grew bigger and more prominent. the couple realized this was actually happening and there was actually a baby in her stomach, ready to meet them.

the initial pain began to ware off slowly but surely and they became excited to meet their little one. everyday, sunoo would talk to the little baby about any and everything. eunji would sing little songs and read books to her belly. they knew the baby could hear them and that was exciting in itself.

"she likes your voice." eunji smile softly at the boy who had his ear up against her stomach. he looked up at the girl with the brightest smile in the galaxies.

"you think, so? how do you know?" he tried to contain himself from squealing in happiness. eunji laughed, humored by his joy of the little things.

"she moves a lot when you talk to her. she loves you." sunoo tried to hold in the tears, to no avail. he couldn't wait to meet her. he loved her already too.

eunji's pregnancy was normal and stable at first. 

then, towards the end, she began to decline in health. she lost a lot of weight. more than a healthy pregnancy needed to sustain and continue to be healthy. 

she was bedridden and unable to move without pain shooting throughout her weak body. sunoo would stay up all night watching her sleep. he was scared that something horrible would happen if he took his eyes off of her only for split a second.

her condition only worsened over time and it was decided that her labor would be induced. thankfully, it was far enough into the pregnancy that the baby was almost fully developed.

it was just a matter of days until they would go to the hospital and leave with their baby in hands. suddenly as the couple laid in bed watching a show to pass the time, eunji spoke.

"sunoo." she called out to the boy who immediately paused the show and gave the girl his undivided attention.

"yeah? are you okay? do you need something? are you in pain?" he flooded her with questions but she chose to ignore them.

"can you make me another promise?" her big brown eyes held so much agony and pain in them. sunoo wished he could take it all away. it seemed like she was just constantly hurting because of him.

"anything." he felt his chest grow heavier with every second.

"if- if i don't live to see our beautiful girl, can you promise me you'll give her the life she deserves?" she choked on her words as her eyes filled with water. it was hard for her to even imagine leaving her baby before even getting to know her.

sunoo frowned and felt a large lump swell in his throat. "don't talk like that eunji..." he tried to reason but he knew the girl was serious.

"promise me that you'll stay by her side no matter what. she deserves at least one parent. i'm serious, sunoo. i don't know what will happen and i-" the tears that she held, could no longer be contained.

sunoo engulfed her into his arms, exactly how he did eight months ago. the girl sobbed quietly into his chest once again. 

"i promise. i will give her everything i have. i promise, eunji." 

the day finally arrived, on may sixteenth at eight twenty nine in the morning, kim eunjoo entered the world. 

she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life. they always say, you truly don't know what love is until you have a child. and kim sunoo could attest to this statement. 

it was like he had never felt this emotion. this feeling of serenity. like he was running through a field of daisies and walking on clouds.

eunji held onto the baby for no more than five minutes before something went wrong. sunoo could feel it. 

suddenly, a group of doctors rushed into the room as the monitors began to make loud alarm noises that were like nails on a chalkboard to the male. sunoo rushed to pick up the newborn from her arms as he watched her slowly fall unconscious. 

as the doctors surrounded the bed with the defibrillator. 

he knew. 

sunoo looked down at the tiny, crying infant and just stared. it felt like time was moving in slow motion and he couldn't hear anything other than the sound of eunjoo's precious wails.

he didn't dare to look up at the scene before him because he knew. she was gone. 

eunji had left them. 

it was tough, so tough for sunoo. being only one month shy of turning twenty, he had no clue what he was doing. 

he made many mistakes because he couldn't do anything right it seemed. he cried when eunjoo cried. he stayed up when she stayed up. he felt like there was no end. of course his family helped to their best abilities but she was his responsibility after all. 

but he did it. 

he pushed through. for eunjoo. for eunji.

he may not have had his first 'romantic' love, but he had his first love, love. his daughter was his first love. no one could top that. 

and he was right. he refused to date, he knew it was a waste of time. time was precious to him. eunji didn't have time. so he knew he had to give his child all of his.

every may sixteenth, sunoo would visit eunji's final resting place and update her on eunjoo's growth and just talk to her. she was his best friend after all. whether he was ever romantically in love with her or not, it never took away that fact.

❀

almost cried writing this😓