umbrella { sunjay }

22.

song recommendation: what now -rihanna

sunoo felt the energy shift as they finished up dinner and drove to the park residence. jay was no longer exhibiting his playful behavior and witty remarks. now, he was more reserved and in his own head.

if sunoo could have one superpower, he would choose to read people's minds. not everyone's, just the people he cared about. he wants to help, he wants to be there for the people that matters the most to him. but it was impossible.

"don't think too much, hyung. you'll stress yourself out." he steered the wheel to their destination. silence was the response he received but he knew jay heard him. it was becoming an easy task for sunoo to understand the man.

the two removed their coats and shoes at the entrance and jay instructed sunoo to follow him towards the bedrooms. 

the man pulled out a pair of comfortable clothing for the younger and handed them off to sunoo. "the restroom is at the end of the hall." he smiled slightly but it was fake, they both knew that.

after the both of them had changed their attire and became comfortable, jay stood at the entrance of the guest bedroom and stared at the bed as sunoo stood behind him, waiting.

"do you mind if we sleep in the same bed? i can sleep on the couch if that makes you uncomfortable. i just... don't want to be alone." jongseong slightly rambled as he continued to stare blankly at the queen sized mattress.

"hyung." sunoo placed a gentle hand onto the other's shoulder. which caused jay's attention to pull from the bed and focus onto the male.

"i don't mind. let's lay down, hm?" sunoo's calm voice was almost hypnotic to the elder. his eyelids fluttered slightly before nodding and stepping forward into the bedroom. a simple tone of voice from the other could alter how the air filled his lungs.

almost cautiously, jongseong walked along the right side of the bedframe and sat down. the latter just observed him with a tiny grin and comfortably slid into the opposite side of the bed. 

"you can relax, hyung. it's just me." sunoo chuckled. the tense appearance of jay, tickled him slightly. it felt like seeing a younger, timid, version of the man. 

finally, jay brought his legs onto the mattress and propped his back onto the backboard of the bed frame.

"what's on your mind?" 

sunoo knew the other wanted to talk about it, it was evident in his body language that he had something to say. although sunoo couldn't read minds, he could read people by their actions. in some ways, sunoo believed actions were the most honest form of communication.

for a while, jay allowed himself to collect his thoughts first, before he shared them. and sunoo waited patiently. 

jongseong didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of someone he genuinely liked to be around. 

"i feel lonely." his voice was hoarse, almost dry. just as his internal felt in the moment.

it's hard to admit it to yourself, let alone another person. it felt heavy in his chest as he said those words out loud.

"it's pathetic... i'm married, yet i feel lonely in my own home." jay scoffed at his own misery. 

"i feel lonely too sometimes." 

jay looked towards sunoo who stared back. there was a pause as jay studied the younger for a moment. how could someone who seemed to have it all, be the same as him? 

"i hate to say it out loud. i fear that someone may take my words incorrectly because i have a child. even though i have eunjoo and no one could ever replace her, i still feel lonely." sunoo watched as jongseong's eyes shifted between his own.

jay listened quietly. it seemed that he and sunoo had more in common than he initially thought. 

he felt like he was seen. he felt understood.

"and i feel shitty for feeling like that. i really do." sunoo fidgeted with his fingers. he doesn't think he'll ever quite grasp how he's able to spill his heart out to this person. it was as if he was unable to hold his thoughts in around park jongseong.

"me too." jay added. loneliness didn't feel as bad when it has company. 

perhaps they could be lonely together.

jongseong took a deep inhale. "i really want to be happy." 

"imagine yourself in five years. having the same exact life as you do now. would you be happy?" sunoo pulled on the hem of the shirt he was given. the item of clothing smelled like the same warm sent that jongseong carried.

"no. i wouldn't." 

jay was never a hard person to understand. in fact, he may be the most honest person someone could meet. but when it came to people truly understanding him and his behavior, it was rare. 

sunoo was the mirror. he would never lie and was open, but he was also hard to read. hard for people to see into his mind and behind the blinding smiles. if there was one fact about kim sunoo, it would be that no one could truly know every aspect of him. he was everything, but none of the above; all at once.

this is why sunoo found himself gravitating towards the latter. sunoo was the mirror, his reflection was shared but also showing. he shared that commonality while forcing jongseong to show himself and reflect on his own mind.

"can we sleep? i'm getting a headache." jongseong got up from the mattress and turned the switch, which turned the room into pitch darkness.

after returning to the bed, jay shifted so that his head hit the pillow, sunoo's actions following suite. 

as they lied side by side, jay bit onto his bottom lip to halt the words that were on his mind from exposing themselves. 

he contemplated the potential outcomes and finally drew his conclusion to just speak.

"sunoo?" his voice just above a whisper, sliced through the thick silence that lingered. a small tension fill the crisp air.

"yes?" 

"could you... could you hold me?" 

his voice fading off into mumble, exposing his vulnerability.

sunoo's lips couldn't stop from rising into a gentle smile. he knew jay had a soft side but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to see it this soon.

"yeah, i can hold you." sunoo's tender tone could cure jay's approaching headache in seconds. 

without hesitation, sunoo turned to his side to face the older's figure. even though it was dark, his eyes had already adjusted so it was easy for him to see. 

jongseong used this as a que to also turn towards the younger. he wasted no time to latch his arms onto the sides of the latter's waist, bringing him closer and burying his head into sunoo's chest. 

"i haven't slept next to someone in so long... i missed it. i missed being near someone" jay admitted to himself and to sunoo.

"i'll hold onto you as long as you need, hyung." sunoo attached his arms around the older and raked his hands through his hair. he felt the steady pace that jay was breathing and knew he was soon to fall asleep.

drowsiness filled him the longer he laid there in the other's arms. but right before he fell into the deepness of his slumber, he heard jay mumble one last thing.

"i don't think i could live without you anymore."

❀

sunjay really do understand each other. it's cute.