umbrella { sunjay }

18.

"how have you been?" 

his mother's voice was one sunoo's favorite sounds. it's the first sound he heard when he was born. it was the medicine that cured him when he had the highest fever's as a child. it was the sound that comforted him when he needed it most.

"i'm doing better." 

mrs. kim's eyes held disbelief. she could read her son like a book. it wasn't hard for her to know that his words were not the entire truth.

"have you met anyone new?" she stirred the tea in her cup silently. 

the answer was always the same. "i don't have time for that mom. i have eunjoo-"

"i don't want to hear that excuse anymore sunoo..." her calm and warm tone interrupted his rambling.

she sighed and set the stirring spoon down before latching her hand onto his from across the table.

everyone in the home was sound asleep except for sunoo and his mother. they always had late night talks over tea whenever he visited. it became a tradition that was dear to their hearts.

"i know you claim too not have time, or that you don't want such things. but i know you better, my sun." sunoo couldn't take his focus off the cooling down liquid in his cup.

"i think it's more than you not just having time. i think you're scared, and that's okay." 

slowly, sunoo lifted his gaze to meet his mother's eyes. looking into her knowing expression, he got flashbacks to the day he admitted to who he was to her. she already knew before he could say a word.

"you've gone through some really traumatic events before the age of twenty five, and you act like you're just fine, and that you're okay because you have eunjoo." sunoo knew his mother was right. it seemed like she was always right.

"of course you have eunjoo, but you're not just going to magically heal from everything as much as you push it away."

"sunoo, you watched your girlfriend- no, your best friend, die after childbirth. and then, without time to sit down and truly grieve, you had to raise a child all by yourself for the past four years... don't you think you deserve to let yourself feel all these emotions that you've pushed down?" 

the man's lip began to quiver and his adam's apple bobbed up and down.

all these years, she's tried to step aside to allow sunoo to figure things out on his own. but she's watched him and she's recognized how he's put up a barrier around his heart.

"you've basically isolated yourself from the world, sun. you never do regular things that normal twenty-something year olds do. it's good that you're a responsible parent. and i admire you for that, i think you've done a way better job than i would have in your situation." sunoo didn't even realize tears had left his eyes until he tasted the salt against his lips.

"but you must not forget to give yourself credit. you're a father, but you're also a human being." her warm hands reached to cup his cheek and wipe his tears like she used to do when he scraped his knee on the pavement.

"i love you, sunoo. i want you to find someone who you can fall in love with. or even, just a friend who can hold your hand through your darkest moments."

"you deserve it. you deserve love. platonic, or not."

❀ song suggestion: butterfly by bts

"why don't you ever come around anymore? your noona has missed you." misun, sunoo's older sister bumped him teasingly as they walked.

today, sunoo decided to take eunjoo to see her mother's grave since he planned to leave tomorrow. he asked his sister to tag along because she also was close to eunji before she passed away.