umbrella { sunjay }

46.

song recommendation: yes to heaven -lana del ray

the two of them stepped out the entrance door to return onto the porch that they had been only an hour ago. 

the warm air pushed a light breezed that tickled the back of sunoo's head as he stood in front of his first love. 

love is weird. 

most people (including sunoo) dreamed of having the fairytale teenage love that everyone has romanticized from the beginning of time. the love that doesn't last very long, nor has any stability, but is pure and true.

sunoo never got the chance to experience that puppy love that everyone seemed to have around him. but he did experience the feeling of true love.

eunjoo kim was sunoo's true love in a way that was purest of them all. of course parental love differs heavily from romantic love. but love is a constant. 

it comes and shows itself in many forms that you'd never expect.

for example, meeting someone at your daughter's ballet class that she begged you to join. 

or maybe it's your best friend who has been there beside you through all of your weird awkward phases that you regret.

it could even be shown in a failed love that you fight for and hold onto for the sake of who you loved in the past. 

it may even be a butterfly that lands besides you, sending you love from someone you can't meet again. 

the point of love is not that it's a one of a kind. there's so many kinds of love that all have different meanings and lessons you need to live. to be alive is to love.

"i want to get everything off my chest." sunoo took a hallow breath as jay's attentive eyes watched his every move closely. 

"i'm sorry. for... everything." sunoo looked down at the concrete below him, missing the way jay's head shook lightly in protest. he wanted to interrupt and tell sunoo there wasn't a need, but he knew sunoo wanted to say everything on his mind.

"i feel like the shittiest parent alive because i used my daughter as an excuse." air escaped from his nose in a huff as he brought his eyes back to meet the furrowed gaze of the older.

"i said i was afraid of eunjoo being too attached to you, but in reality, it was me. i was scared of how attached i was becoming to you..." jay felt his chest become tighter the longer he listened to sunoo's words.

"it's not an excuse. but the last time i truly was attached to someone... she died." sunoo gave a shallow smile that had none of the usual light in his eyes that made it's appearance every time he smiled.

jongseong frowned and subconsciously reached out to attach their hands together. it had became a habit he formed whenever he thought sunoo was in distress or simply in need of comfort.

when sunoo felt the familiar warmth that he's been void of, reattach itself to him, a genuine light returned to his face. it felt like home.

"i was scared because i began to feel things for you that i've never felt before. it sounds childish when i say it out loud. but when i found myself envisioning a future with you and eunjoo, i- i began to fear losing that, more than how much i was scared of loving you." sunoo's voice held a tremble as he spoke. 

that was all jay needed to hear. all he's wanted to hear.

he was gentle, pulling sunoo closer by their connected hands and making the space between them almost obsolete. 

their eyes spoke for them before jay closed the air between them completely. it was soft, like their lips had found the part of them that had always been missing. they both almost melted into a large puddle as their lips tangled together.

it wasn't their first kisses, but it felt like their first real kiss. that meant more to them than words could ever express.

"what are you doing?" misun squatted down beside the girl who rested against the window ceil as she stared out the window with the biggest smile she had given in a long while. 

all her dimples were exhibited to the world as continued to stare at the figures through the glass. her aunt's eyes followed her gaze and a small grin lifted from her lips as well.

"they love each other, right?" eunjoo spoke up with her sweet voice, still refusing to look away from her appa and dad.

"i think so, kiddo. are you happy?" misun stood up to pat eunjoo's soft brown locks.

"yeah." eunjoo whispered softly before hearing the footsteps of her aunt walking away.  

she was more than happy. she felt complete knowing her father had someone who loved him just as much as he loved her. 

she knew he deserved it more than anyone. being five just means your young, not blind.

jay pulled sunoo into his embrace after they separated from the kiss. even though jake could be a pain in the ass, he could not thank him enough for giving him a push to do the thing he wanted to do all along.

"thank you for showing up for our daughter. she missed you so much." sunoo spoke into the older man's chest, still feeling the heat radiating from his cheeks.

"you don't have to thank me. that's what appa's are for." they both shared a hearty chuckle as sunoo felt the vibrations from jay's chest.

'our' daughter. 

two simple words that could mean so much to one man. 

when eunjoo saw the two males approaching the front door, she ran towards it, excited to greet her parents once again.

"hi little flower." sunoo picked the girl up to plant a smooch on her cheek. he was so happy she was seeming to have a good birthday from the look on her face. 

once he set her back down on the floor, she stared back up at them with the proudest smile. like she knew they were a family now.

"can appa come with us to visit mommy? i want her to meet him!" she jumped up and down in excitement. throughout all the chaos the day had brought, eunjoo never forgot about her mom.

most people have two parents, some have one. but she had three and she couldn't be more proud of that fact. 

sunoo turned towards the older with a questioning look, asking him telepathically if that was okay with him. 

jay nodded, and turned back to eunjoo with a kind look. to be loved is to be included. and right now, he felt like being invited to such a personal place, made him feel apart of their lives. letting him in.

"of course i wanna meet your mommy! i hope she likes me." jay smiled down at the girl who giggled happily.

to be loved is to exist. 

❀

i love this family so much. but the book is coming to an end unfortunately :((( all good things come to an end i suppose.