Sherlock Imagines and Preferences

Falling Apart

WARNING: Mentioning of depression, self-harm and suicide

Please, talk to me or anyone else if you need to. Don't do anything you might regret. I know how hard it is, but you're strong enough to get through it. You are worth it ♥

Requested by Magic_and_books

~***~

''John, please.'' You begged. Your younger brother shook his head, tears rolling down his face. ''He was my best friend, (Y/N). I can't live without him.'' He raised the gun to his temple and closed his eyes, his bottom lip quivering as he mentally prepared himself. ''John, put the gun down. I'm begging you! Sherlock wouldn't want this, you know that. Please, John, please!'' You slowly took a few steps towards him, reaching for the gun as tears blurred your vision. ''Please.'' You whispered. You wrapped your fingers around the gun and John's grip loosened. You took the gun from him and threw it on the couch before wrapping your arms around your brother. He held on to you as you both cried together. ''I'm here, John. We'll get through this together, I promise.''

---

Life was tough. You had been living with John for a few weeks now to ensure that he wouldn't attempt to take his own life again, but being away from your boyfriend for so long had consequences for your relationship with him. Greg had been very understanding of the situation at first and allowed you to stay with your brother for a while, but he, too, had trouble dealing with Sherlock's death. He needed you, but you were too occupied with taking care of your depressed brother. He was sad because of Sherlock's death and angry because you were barely spending time with him anymore. He realised that John needed you, but he needed you too!

He knocked on the door of John's flat, knowing that you were there. You opened the door and let Greg in. ''Hi.'' You said tiredly. You had been up all night because John was having nightmares again. ''Can we talk?'' Greg asked, trying to stay calm. You nodded and sat down on the couch, gesturing to the spot next to you. ''Move back to my flat, please.'' He begged. You smiled sadly and shook your head. ''You know I can't.'' You replied softly. ''John needs me.'' Greg lost the ability to control his emotions and started yelling, ''I NEED YOU TOO, (Y/N)! IT'S NOT EASY FOR ME EITHER! I BARELY SEE YOU ANYMORE!'' Tears of anger escaped his eyes as you stood up to defend yourself. ''He's my brother, Greg! I can't leave him alone for a single second, afraid that he might kill himself! I have to check on him every few minutes to make sure that he's not dead! Do you know what that's like?!'' You shouted. ''Don't you dare make me choose between you and John! That's not fair. Don't you think that this is hard for me either? Having to see my brother like this every day, not seeing Sherlock or you anymore?! IT'S HARD, GREG!'' Greg knew that you were right, but he just couldn't take it anymore. His mind was drowning in grief and the decisions he made weren't rational ones. ''We're over, (Y/N).'' He stated. He stormed out of the flat, leaving you alone to cry.''

You knew that you weren't the best girlfriend, but John needed you. This entire situation wasn't easy for you either. Sherlock was a good friend of yours, too, and you missed him dearly. Greg breaking up with you and having to take care of John and deal with his depression got too much for you. The weight of life got too heavy for you to carry and you slowly began to fall apart. It didn't take long before you spiraled out of control.

TWO YEARS LATER...

Life got too hard for you. You had never been able to move on from Sherlock's death and Greg breaking up with you, he was the love of your life. John had recovered from his depression and met a beautiful woman to spend the rest of his life with. The woman, Mary, helped him move on. He still missed Sherlock every single day, but he finally had a future to look forward to again.

John's happiness and ability to move on was what eventually threw you over the edge. You were depressed and suicidal. Your arms and thighs were littered with scars and every day you came closer to the final jump. You were all alone. John spent more and more time with his girlfriend and you had no one else to talk to anymore. You had lost all your friends during the period where you took care of John. It was too much for you and you couldn't take it a single second longer. You took a cab to St. Bart's Hospital and went all the way to the rooftop. You stepped on the edge of the rooftop and sighed deeply, closing your eyes. It was finally going to end. Your pain would finally go away and you would find peace.

Spreading your arms, you were ready to fall. But you never did. Two hands stopped you, pulling you away from the edge and safely to the center of the rooftop. You wondered why you were still feeling the emotional pain and opened your eyes. ''What the hell do you think you're doing, (Y/N)?!'' A very distraught Sherlock Holmes yelled. ''Sh-Sherlock?'' You stammered, shakily standing up. 

''YOU ARSEHOLE!'' You screamed, punching his chest over and over again with your fists. You started crying and collapsed in his arms. ''You're not dead.'' You sobbed. ''No, I'm not. And neither are you. I'm so sorry, (Y/N). I never meant to hurt any of you this much.'' He said softly. ''Take me home.'' You choked. He nodded and picked you up, taking you back to 221B that had become your home over the past few years.

You had explained to Sherlock what had happened while he was gone and what had pushed you to attempting to commit suicide. To say the least, he felt really guilty and angry. He didn't hesitate a single second to call John, despite the fact that John was really angry at Sherlock.

At first, John refused to listen to the detective, but realised, after hearing the story, that he had been the most ungrateful younger brother to you and that you needed his help. John and Sherlock were convinced that the best person to help you was Greg. So they called the DI and explained to him what was going on and convinced him to go on a date with you, which didn't take a lot if convincing. Greg felt really bad about breaking up with you when you needed him the most. He was blinded by grief and didn't realise that you were falling apart.

It did take a lot of convincing to get you to go out with Greg again after all the pain he had caused you, but you eventually gave in and agreed to go. 

It only took one look. 

You and Greg embraced each other in a tight hug, apologising to each other. The pain you felt had made you forget how happy seeing him made you. The previous spark between you had returned quite quickly and Greg promised to never leave you again. He realised what he had done and would never be able to forgive himself. Holding you in his arms again made him realise that he had missed you more than anything in the world.

It would take a lot of work and a lot of time, but eventually, you would be okay again.