A Thick Girl's Love

Chapter *24*

After Class

"I don't see why you don't want me to kick that nigga's ass for you. If I can't fight him I'm sure I can get him jumped in a heartbeat." Tyrie said as we walked down the hall.

"Because he doesn't matter. I'm just going to tutor him for a while, so he can pass the class. After that, we're done and I won't need to deal with him anymore. It's not like I'm gonna become best friends with him or something. Also don't talk about getting people jumped."

"Still he called you out of your name. While I was sitting there nonetheless. If I wasn't close to getting expelled then -"

"Then nothing baby. You can't go around fighting everyone that disrespects me. If you did, you would never have time for anything else. I don't know if you noticed but no one exactly likes or respects me at this school. Me being alone should prove that."

I spoke softly but firm. I didn't want him getting into any trouble. Not for me. He was already being watched by the principle because the situation with Diquan was in his transcript and his other records. He had already been labeled as a bad seed and a possible delinquent. He's been trying really hard to change his reputation. He didn't need to jeopardize what he had worked for.

His hand starts rubbing circles on my lower back. He sighs with a thoughtful face.

"I just want people to see how beautiful you are and how great of a woman you are. The people in this fucked up ass school don't see you like I see you. I get so fucking mad every time they attack you. It's even worse because you never fight back. How hard is it to just stand up for yourself? Don't take their shit laying down."

I got a little emotional. I'm so stupid, why do I want to cry?

I know others probably have it harder than me, but I feel so stressed with my first world problems. High school is making me have bad thoughts about hurting myself again. It brings back the harsh memories of middle and elementary school. It was an endless cycle of getting bullied at school, being depressed, being lonely at home, and sleeping all day.

Every year was the same thing. I would start school hoping to start over with people. I would meet someone, then they would be told that they shouldn't be around me, and that I was nothing. Then, I was alone again. I was always alone.

I had to become my own best friend. Even that backfired when the bad things people said about me became the worse things I said about myself.

I let out a harsh breath holding in my tears. I pat his bicep and shake my head.

"Don't bother yourself with it. I'm not worth get in trouble for."

"Baby you're worth everything and more. I just don't get why you can't see that like I can."

I stepped away from him heading for the doors of the library. Sometimes when he gives me advice he says it in a way that makes it sound so easy. It can come off really obnoxious. I needed some quiet so I could hear my own thoughts. The library was often deserted so I liked to have lunch there instead of the cafeteria. It felt good to be surrounded by books instead of ugly kids that haven't discovered deodorant.

He just doesn't understand how it feels to not like your body, your personality, or basically yourself. Women are constantly pressured to have the perfect body that only one percent of women have. I don't have perky b cup breast, a tiny waist, a flat stomach, or a slim frame. I have huge and sagging double d breast that cause back aches, a muffin top, and wide spread hips. Not to mention, my feet are the size of the green giants'. We're told to be feminine but not too girly. To be nice but on the verge of being a pushover and a doormat. We should be a little sassy but not too much that we turn men off.