Lucilfer (ChrolloxReader)

Chapter 34

‼️CONTENT WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CONSENSUAL SEXUAL CONTANT‼️

"I have to leave in a month to the Republic of Padokea for Heaven's Arena."

"I have to leave in a month."

"I have to leave."

"I have to leave."

The first emotion swimming around in my dragging mind that I could properly identify was confusion. Wasn't the Republic of Padokea where Kalluto lived? Did that have something to do with what I'd said earlier in the car? No, no, that couldn't be it—it probably had something to do with whoever called him. But then, what was Heaven's Arena? And how far away was the Republic of Padokea?

"I have to leave."

Confusion turned into mild panic as his words echoed in what felt like slow motion around in my mind. He promised me before that he would never leave—he promised me. I tried to calm the racing thoughts which built and towered and toppled over in my unorganized head. Logically, or, in an effort to stay logical, I tried to remind myself that he'd said "in a month." That was a long time, right?

But how long would he be gone?

I didn't like the idea of being in his enormous house alone, for even a few days—the exorcism had been hard enough on me. Knowing he wasn't even near me at all would be painful, very much so, and sleeping on my own in his bed would feel like hell.

Exhaustion tugged at my limbs as I worked to think of a way to respond, a way to speak without sounding utterly frantic, without crying. Of course, he would never leave me without good reason—there had to be a good reason. And, in my mind, I knew that the wilderness of my thoughts must have been coming from the ripping tiredness in my bones, the wishful desire to sleep. There was no way I could have processed what Chrollo had said correctly; the words he'd spoken sounded too blurred and tainted by my own fear to be analyzed rationally.

Loneliness—a crushing sensation, really. It wasn't an emotion, and it wasn't ever even a choice, for me, at least. But it was even worse now than before, when I'd been so accustomed to the vicious waves of isolation and numbness. Now, I trusted; now, I loved. These two things were like applying a dressed bandage to a deep gash, and to feel that loneliness once again after learning to accomplish those feats was like ripping off that bandage without a warning.

Alone. I'll be here alone.

What could I say? My half-open eyes seemed to sting, as if the tears I desperately fought back were still continuing with their threats, and I looked up at him mistily, at his pale, concerned face, his dark gaze edged by curses and swears. I felt stupid and pathetic, honestly.

Shut the hell up. You're such a baby.

"What do you mean?" I whispered, my voice hoarse and shaky. "You're going to leave?"

My arms moved involuntarily, shoving me up on my elbows from where I'd been laying, and I felt Chrollo's hand rest gently on the side of my face, his thumb stroking the purple shadows away from beneath my eyes tenderly.

"I don't have a choice," he murmured, pleaded. "Heaven's Arena is a battle arena—I hold the title of Floor Master, and I receive many calls about contestants challenging me quite often, but I've rejected those challenges for over six months. If I don't respond to this one, I'll lose the title, and I plan on fighting Hisoka formally, a challenge between Floor Masters, so I need to do what I can to keep it."

I blinked away the threatening tears and leaned into his hand, my lips trembling when I responded.

"So, Hisoka is a... a Floor Master, too?"