Lucilfer (ChrolloxReader)

Chapter 38

"He holds me in his big arms,
Drunk, and I am seeing stars.
This is all I think of."

Video Games - Lana Del Rey

The haziness in my head seemed to increase with each sip, leading to a dreamlike reality, an ethereal shiftiness playing on repeat in my spinning mind. Chrollo grabbed his empty cup and the rosé, leading me up to his room, and I found that the Victorian accents detailing every corner in the house built up to heightened atmospheric surroundings, the dark, confused paintings littering the walls speaking strange words of lost sadness, of deep thought and late nights spent far too wide awake. My eyes felt stuck open in awe as I rediscovered each nook and cranny of his beautiful home, hardly noticing when he pulled the already-rolled joint from the bedside table, as well as his lighter.

The colors were a blurry run of satin black and burgundy and warm chocolate and the occasional silver accent—before I even knew it, my third glass of the much-sweeter liquor had been finished, and I was following Chrollo down the hall to a room on the left. I'd never been up past the second level, so when we emerged into another study of sorts, a thin sheen of dust and the scent of old books permeating the room, I gasped delightedly and stumbled forward, digging through the torn up editions of ancient philosophies and sciences.

A low, smooth laugh sounded from him as he watched me lower unsteadily to my knees and pick through the bottom shelf.

"My darling lover, this is not the roof," he pointed out, his voice much huskier than before.

I turned my head to look up at him, shifting my entire body to face him, and grinned cheekily.

"You live in a castle." I sighed dreamily and flopped back onto the floor. It probably would have hurt if I was any less intoxicated, but I couldn't be bothered by it right then. "Can I live here with you?"

My head is so spinny.

I need to call Kassidy! Do I have my phone...?

Oh, wait, it's in my hand.

Suddenly, I felt Chrollo's knees on either side of my lower body, and I looked up with a drunk smile as he planted his hands by my head, his hair flopping loosely around his face and framing his turquoise gages.

"If it were up to me, I would lock you up forever and you would never leave my castle," he purred, his velvety voice slow and dragged out.

I blinked and presented my wrists out in front of me, in front of him.

"Well, then, I leave it up to you, possessive Chrollo of mine. Lock me up."

His head lowered, and his glazed, unfocused eyes narrowed.

"You are so, so very beautiful," he whispered softly, his lips grazing mine. One of his hands lifted, and he wrapped his long fingers around both of my wrists gently. "But I can't—not only would it be unwise to entrust your freedom to me... that choice is yours, and yours alone."

I sensed something deeper in his words, something that went beyond the joking haze in the air between us, something carrying the meaning of a few midnight thoughts and stargazing with those tortured eyes of his. It spoke of a sadness, a lingering desire only living through the wisp of a wish. But I couldn't grasp it in my lagging mind, my swimming thoughts—I hoped I might be able to remember it in the morning.

"Fiiine." I pulled the word out playfully, my tongue feeling numb in my mouth. "Let's go do more drugs."

His eyes rolled back in exasperation, and he tugged me up to my feet, holding me still when I trembled, wobbling a bit on the floor which no longer felt secure.