Lucilfer (ChrolloxReader)

Chapter 55

Several emotions seemed to attack me all at once, the first of which being fear—my already-trembling hands shook a bit more violently, and I clenched my free hand into a fist, but I forced my jaw to stay loose, scrambling for words to say or how to respond. My stomach quivered and twisted nearly nauseatingly, and my heart grew louder in my chest and ears, pulsing obnoxiously in my neck as a cold sweat broke out over my forehead.

But it was a combination of fear for Chrollo's sake and trepidation for Kurapika's sake. I knew Chrollo hadn't just forgotten about the chain user, and that he intended on killing him—surely, there was a chance he knew that Hisoka and the chain user were still working together, that whatever Kurapika was referencing wouldn't be a surprise to him. And if that were the case, Kurapika would be desperately outmatched, but I couldn't shake the anxiety that consumed me at the thought of Chrollo fighting him again, risking his life again. He'd been bested once before—though, of course, I'd been reassured that he hadn't been genuinely making an effort to fight back—and I knew nothing about the valor and the strength in Kurapika's chains, the only real knowledge coming from what I'd felt from his aura, especially so when he was angry, consumed by that almost irrationally spontaneous rage. His ability was nothing to be trifled with.

In reality, I shouldn't have been so afraid at the mention of Kurapika gaining information on Chrollo—I knew it would happen, that it was inevitable, and that the possibility of Chrollo's death wasn't even mildly considerable. There was no other option than to hope for Kurapika's death, as wretched as it felt, as utterly vile and treacherous as I perceived myself to be at even the mention of hoping for an innocent's life to be taken away.

But what would his cease for searching have to do with Hisoka?

It dawned on me immediately—Hisoka and Chrollo were still planning on fighting one another, and Chrollo had made it clear to me that he was going to schedule it at Heaven's Arena. Had their fight already been scheduled? Why didn't I know anything about it yet? And if that were the case, was Kurapika hedging his bets on Chrollo's victory? He had to know that it was a death match. Perhaps he had so convinced himself of Chrollo's cunning that he assumed Hisoka was in over his head, and allowed this fight to happen first as a result. Or, perhaps Hisoka had threatened him somehow, and demanded that he at least be given the opportunity to fight Chrollo.

Does this mean he's leaving me again?

Wouldn't he have told me if he planned on going back to the Republic of Padokea? Unless it was set for some later date in the future, or it hadn't been set at all, and Hisoka had simply projected to Kurapika their unknown, looming battle. My chest tightened at the thought of being alone once more—if Chrollo was going to fight Hisoka, I doubted he would want me to come along. And if it wasn't scheduled anytime soon, which I was almost certain of, considering the fact that I'd been told nothing about it, I couldn't be sure that Machi would still be in York New. I would have to stay at the house, with no access to anyone else apart from text messages.

What will happen if I panic again?

I could've almost been brought down the rabbit hole right then if I hadn't reminded myself that Chrollo was only fighting Hisoka. Hopefully, that meant he wouldn't be gone for more than a few days. I could stand under the weight of a few days of isolation—I was strong enough.

I have to be. I can't put my suffering on Chrollo every time he leaves.

But I wanted to. I desperately wanted to, if only to hold onto the fleeting possibility of it being enough to keep him with me, to keep him safe and out of harm's way, even though I knew he was powerful enough to walk his way out of any struggle that presented itself to him.

"(Y/n)?"

Kurapika's voice snapped me back to the present. I blinked, drawing in a deep breath, and letting it out as smoothly as possible. My eyes flickered back up to the door, checking to see if Chrollo might've entered the room in his silent ways, but I was still the only one in the empty space.