Big girls don't cry (Aleida series #1)

15. Confusion when it's on it's worst

Aleida POV

The confusion continues to gnaw and pull me when the only thing I can do is stand and look at the men in front of me. I feel bored when I wait for them to stop talking to each other and sit down in an armchair standing at the short wall a distance from the desk.

But I quickly get up and stand on my head with my back against the wall; this has always been the best way for me to relax, by doing push-ups standing. The sweat flows down my body, and the feeling of how my muscles get to strain, it's incredible.

I've always been a big fan of training with and without weapons. Unfortunately, I never get the opportunity to use it because I shouldn't be seen or heard. I can still remember all the late nights when I snuck out of my room in the middle of the night to be able to train and rebuild my body.

The adrenaline I got every time gave me increased power to train even harder than before. I can feel their eyes on me before I even raise my head to look at them, but I choose to ignore them until I finish my set, then I get up and lean against the wall behind me.

My breaths are heavy after the effort, and both the men in front of me give me looks that I can't determine what they mean. Nobody says anything, which makes me uncomfortable. I put my arms around my chest and try to make myself look as small as possible. When I do, they shake their minds off, whatever it was.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you, miss," the unknown man says and stretches out his hand.

I take it in mine and shake gently. I drop the man's hand and again put my arms around me. He looks at me intensely, and I shy away under his gaze.

"Why isn't she talking?" he asks Henry.

"She's submissive and doesn't speak out of free will even though I've given her permission," he answers and sighs.

"Why not?"

"She has told me that her alpha don't allow it," Henry answers, and the unknown man's eyes narrow.

"Why?" Mr. Handsome addresses me, yet my mouth remains closed as if it's glue between my lips. "Please, miss answer my question."

"I'm not worth using my words or my voice toward those worth more than me," I whisper, and he looks annoyed when he looks at me as if he can't understand how I can say something so stupid.

"I say you can talk, so do it."

"I can't," I say so quietly that I'm afraid that he doesn't hear me.

"And why can't you?" he inquires, and his questions begin to annoy me; for some reason, I snap at him.

"Because you're not my alpha," I tell him, and my nostrils widen; I need to squeeze down my irritation.

"No, it's true that I'm not your alpha. But we have a bond together," he says and smiles softly.

"We don't have a bond," I say; it's a fact.

He gives me a look as if I have driven a knife into his heart and turned it. I really hurt him when I said what I did.

"Don't you feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"You ... you're my mate."

His words shake me down in the ground. I can't have a mate; I don't want one. It isn't worth the pain that will come along with it. I'm used to being tormented and would never be able to imagine dragging anyone else into my shit.

Least of all, my mate who's supposed to be my second half. After the dream I had, I decided never to have a mate again. It hurt in the dream, and it will pain me even more horror in reality. No, I have to distance myself.