Big girls don't cry (Aleida series #1)

23. Alone with my thoughts

Aleida POV

When I wake up in my bedroom the next day, I notice that I'm unfortunately home alone. I can't smell either Miliano's nor Kian's fragrances; I don't like being alone anymore. In the old days, I loved when I got a moment for myself because my alpha was forcing me to be among all violent pack members.

But now that I've gotten used to being with my mates, it scares me to be home alone. I know it's something I have to accept; I can't have my mates with me every waking moment. Miliano and I were planning to go to the grocery store today because it didn't happen yesterday.

Unfortunately, we had to cancel those plans pretty quickly, though, as they both have to work at the packhouse. Shortly after he finds out, I give them both a kiss and send them away before I go back to bed. There's no reason to get up at this early hour anyway; the only thing keeping me company is my dark thoughts that come back gradually.

I wouldn't say I like it when the pain of the memories makes itself felt; a depression is about to grab and hold me down. Even now, when I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, I feel like I'm drowning in the darkness inside me that never disappears. Forget about being alone; with all the voices in my head, I'm never alone.

They scream things, tell stories and push me down on every possible level that exists. Gradually, I begin to feel myself breaking; I'm tired of feeling like this... What have I done to deserve this at all? It isn't right to put all this pain on one single person. No one should have to endure this from the beginning and carry it alone.

You're never alone, Aleida. You have me with you through every stupid thing you make me do, we're a team, and I'll never leave you.

Thank you, Lisa.

Anytime! Now, pick yourself up and do something useful.

With firm steps, I dress up in my loose clothes and walk down to the living room. When the music starts pounding from the speakers, my mind feels easier. With cleaning materials in my hands, I begin to clean up all the filth.

I vacuum, wipe and polish the floors; the windows are sparkling when I finish both from the inside and the outside; I carry out the garbage. The bedrooms have new sheets and are airing right now. I'm looking for a secateurs in the boxes until I finally find one and walk out to the huge rose bush that stands right outside.

I stand there and cut rose by rose until I have a large bouquet in my arms. The music from inside is pounding, and I can't help but dance while putting one of the pale pink roses behind my ear. I dance into the house, put the roses in a light blue vase that I put down on the living room table. My energy and mood are on top; therefore, I jump up on the kitchen counter to dance and sing soundly to the music.

'I say hey

You say oh

Let's turn it on

And here we go

I say hey

You say oh

It's spinning me round

Like a yo-yo'

I'm so into the dancing and singing that I don't notice two very handsome men standing in the doorway smiling at me.

"Well, hello, beautiful."

I'm about to fall when I jump by Miliano's voice. Before I can lose my footing with my face first down to the floor, Kian catches me in his muscular arms. Oh, those arms feel so good and... Hey, stop it, Aleida!