The First Trials (The Second Queen Sequel)

Chapter 17

Isabella

The cool marble sends the Jauna heat away from my body. My knees lose feeling as the minutes turn to an hour. Guards line the walls of the chapel, silent except for the occasional cough and creaking of armor. Light flickers throughout the room, casting shadows away into the corners. Wax dribbles to the floor, creating more work for the servants in the morning. Boots scrape against the floor as they come to a halt. "Majesty, I did not know you would be here at this hour. I assumed the chapel to be empty. If you wish to be alone I will leave."

I rise from my knees to face the Duke, smiling sadly, "No. No, no, everyone needs God, no matter the hour. Please, stay."

"Thank you, ma'am."

I sink back to my knees, staring at the ostensorium trying to zone out again. Unsuccessful, I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut. "Something is bothering you, is it not?"

"It's hard to find a time where there is not, Duke."

"You have not yet found solace in this chapel?"

"No. I've spent so many hours here, growing numb to my surroundings, trying to find solutions to problems, but I have found nothing."

"War is like that."

I move from my knees to sit on my ankles, skirt poofs out, settling to the ground in a circle around me. "It's hard, you know; I was safe, for sixteen years, and now," I laugh, "Now people want my head. I'm pregnant! Carrying the child of the king, the man I love. I thought I would be safe. Heavens I was foolish, all I wanted was to be happy." Tears burn as they well in my eyes, "A loving marriage, beautiful children, a happy home. I have a loving marriage, but we're in the middle of a fucking war."

"Ma'am!"

"Don't act so surprised Fitzwarren, after all, one must not lie in the house of God."

"You are very good at wearing a mask in court ma'am; I do hope you realize how strong you are. I know Edward knows." I furiously wipe falling tears from my face, "There is no shame in fear, Majesty, everyone is afraid of something."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Many things ma'am, despite being thrice your age I am still very much human. I fear for my wife, Phillip's death was so hard on her, I fear greatly for this country, and in being a military man and proud citizen I fear for my sovereigns. Especially during a war, it is already so hard to carry the weight of worlds upon thine shoulders, sovereigns are only human, only a god could carry the weight of so many worlds and not break."

I sit up straighter, "You fear for us?"

"Yes, Majesty."

"But are we not a beacon of strength and glory?"

"If I may ma'am, I was a lot like you in my younger days; always trying to do better, keep a strong face, carry the weight of every problem I must on my shoulders. Although our situations are quite different I understand your thinking. But you mustn't feel so, it is your duty to be a beacon of power and of this country's people; but, it is not your duty to dig your own grave, nor is it your husbands. My wife seems to have noticed long before I, even as she is miles away; you and he, you are the same. But, it is harder for a king to find trusted confidants, and may I be so frank to say he needs you far more than you believe him too. You, ma'am, are his closest confidant, you are the person he will turn to before any other person, you, ma'am, you are his wife. No one may go to him for you, you must go to him."

"I find it is much easier to say those things than it is to do them."

"Of course it is, ma'am. But, love is not easy; especially the love you share with him. It is something that must be fought for. Now, I should return to my chambers, I have a meeting in the morning."

"Of course," he rises to his feet, turning to leave the chapel. I rise to my feet, spinning to face him, "Duke..."

"Majesty?"

"Thank you... for the advice, it has been most helpful."

"I'm glad ma'am. It is always an honor to know one has served the crown."

"Not just the crown, Your Grace, but burdened shoulders."

He smiles a small sad one, "I bid you a good evening ma'am. I hope your prayers serve you well."

"As I do with you."

He turns away, leaving the chapel... a bit of peace fills my heart as he disappears down the hall.

A/N: it's been a few weeks. updates should be back to weekly now that I'm done with school. Thank you for reading and I will see you all next weekend. All my love, M