a void in the heart - void stiles¹

10

I don't want to get up. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to face them again. I just want to sleep and read. Thats it, but life is unfair like that. My blissful weekend is broken with the reminder of school on Monday, just proving the fact that eventually you have to wake up and face reality. I roll off the side of my bed and attack my alarm clock, fuck the stupid thing for actually waking me up at seven. I walk over to my wardrobe and stare at the mountain of clothes that have gathered since my parents have left, it's getting really bad. I'll have to tidy up soon. I reach into my wardrobe and grab out a shirt and the first hoodie I see, it's Isaac's. Pain. A fresh ripple of it crosses my heart and mind before I have the chance to stop myself I let out a sob. Burn it, is my first though, burn it in a furnace and never give it back. But of course, I just pull it over my head, it still smells like him too. I cast a fast look in the mirror and see the rats nest that has become of my hair. I hastily run a brush through it and run downstairs chucking on my shoes and eating my breakfast. By the time I'm done I have 20 minutes to spear, so I pick up Les Misérables, my current book binge. It was a first addition copy mum and dad managed to get for my birthday a few years back from France on a trip there. Its pages were slightly water damaged in some places but I wasn't going to complain. My alarm goes off upstairs, signalling it's time to go to school. I carefully place the book in my bag and grab a banana off the bench and get into my car to leave for school. 

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I had a plan, talk to the people who don't hate me, well who I don't hate, Stiles, Scott, Kira, Lydia. Plus teachers if need be. Avoid Allison and Isaac at all costs to save myself humiliation and public embarrassment and more than I have already suffered. So when I pull up to school and see Scott and Stiles in Stile's jeep I almost sigh with relief until I remember the kiss. Blast it. Scott waves at me and Stiles looks to where he is waving and smirks at me winking. I feel myself blush but wave back. 

"Hey guys." I say nervously. 

"Malena you look like you're scared shitless." Scott says and his lips turn up in a smile as if he's trying to resist laughing. Void however frowns. 

"You're wearing his hoodie." He says. I look down and realise I never took off Isaac's dark blue hoodie I grabbed this morning. 

"Oh, I um...I must've grabbed it on accident." I say quickly. Void raises and eyebrow at my behaviour however Scott just rolls his eyes. "Lets go in, yeah?" I asks. Before I could even get an answer I walk to the double doors and sigh loudly. 

"It'll be terrible." I hear a voice from behind me say, Void. I turn to him.  

"No worse than it already is." I say sourly. He laughs at my expression and drags me by my arm into the hall. 

The response is immediate, everyone looks at me and whispers to others. I hear '... yea, she lost it at Isaac. It's her fault for being such a fucking whore and kissing someone else, Isaac said it was an accident and she slapped him. Fucking bitch' I feel my face heat up and Lydia walks up beside me. 

"Now you know how I felt last year." She whispers to me and squeezes my arm. This small action makes me feel stronger, I don't know why but I feel my face steel and I walk down the hall to my locker. 

"Fuck you all." I say loudly enough for the people close to me be able to hear it. A few gasp and I just roll my eyes. Dramatic teenagers. When I get to my locker I stop, on it someone has written in lipstick or marker "S L U T"  I grimace and open my locker and get my books out for the day. 

"Nice decor." Scott says from behind my locker door. Lydia laughs. 

"Thanks, I think it suits the colour don't you?"  I say dramatically. Sure, the words might've hurt but it honestly didn't bother me so much. I'd been called a lot worse to be honest.

"Its still fucked up. I don't get why they're calling you a slut." Void says from behind me. I shrug. I didn't know either. 

I shut my locker and look down the hall only to see Allison and Isaac entering hand in hand. There it is again, the fresh ripple of pain. I feel my facade of strength fall and my eyes begin too well. 

Void looks at me confused and then looks down the hall to where I was looking. "That fucking asshole. I'll kill him." He says darkly. 

"Jeez Stiles, what's got your knickers in a twist-" Scott starts but as he follows my gaze his mouth falls open. "Oh." He says quietly. 

Lydia is staring at the two of them as well and we all just stand there gaping at them both. Isaac spins Allison around and I have a flashback of the first time he spun me like that, it was after his first lacrosse game and he had shot the winning goal. I ran out to him and congratulated him and without any warning at all Isaac spun me. It had become our thing, every time he wanted to kiss me he'd spin me. If I was mad he'd spin me. 

I feel the pain building inside my chest as he pulls her in for a kiss, until he looks down the hall to me, and stops. His eyes flicker with confusion when I realise it's because of the hoodie, his hoodie. As fast as I can I try ripping it from my body, shrugging my arms out of the holes. I push it into my bag, shoving it down, out of sight but never out of mind. I look up again and Isaac is still at the end of the hall, still with Allison in his arms, still ready to kiss her. I don't know what overtakes me but I walk down to them both. 

"Malena don't-" Lydia starts, she's about to go after me but stops as if someones holding her back. I don't look over my shoulder to check, I just keep walking. 

Once im a few meters infront of them I open my backpack and grab out the hoodie. I throw it to Allison. 

"Here, you'll be needing it more than I will." I say, I see pain cross Isaac's eyes and Allison just stares at me in shock. Once I've thrown it to her I keep walking. 

"Malena-" She starts but I cut her off, holding up my hand. 

"Don't, wouldn't want to be caught talking with a slut right?" I say sneering the word. "Goodbye Allison. Goodbye Isaac. I hope I never see you two again."  And with that I turn on my heel and go back to my friends. 

You know when people say that you should forgive and forget? 

Well, fuck. that. shit. 

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Im actually so in love with my own chapter-