AFFECTION OR LOVE??

"Talk it out!"

Y/n's p.o.v:
How long it's been again that I'm being cradled like a baby aged barely of months wrapped around the safest cocoon filled of love and nothing else , the arms of jungkook!! (Yeah that veiny ones that make hearts melt in utter desire but let's not go all the way up there okay? )
   Do I feel the need to count the seconds when all my mind can focus on the faint lub-dub of the warmest heart beneath my head that possess so much admiration for the little bean like me , not worthy at all! No I don't count the passing moments like I'm used to just for it to pass forward faster waiting for the man I'm holding tight with my all being right now, he's right here!! Close to my soul, body and mind as if he was never far !! Was he ever far though?? He has always been here, sitting on my heart gripping it with his warmest claws of love, making it burn and bleed .

    I'm being lulled to sleep with jungkook sliding his hand up and down my back like he's been doing for the past hrs in order to make me stop sobbing though my sobs have faded into soft breathing of contentment but jungkook doesn't seem like he's stopping it any soon. I ain't complaining, am I ?
Why would I when all these time I've been deprived of his touch like the forests deprived of rain to death .

   We both didn't utter any word after the little act I pulled on definitely overwhelming both of us . But could I help it as my pent up frustrations erupted out like a volcano without any precautions! We know that we need to talk it out. We need to confront our fears and insecurities and sort it out together.
But we both are too scared to acknowledge it  ,afraid  of hurting the other more than we already did.

   We're in a silence that's not awkward but the heaviness of the unspoken is hanging in the air stirring up the serenity of being in the safety cocoon of love.
   Jungkook is quite and his heart beat is quite steady too but I know by my heart is that he's not asleep yet . And me being the coward I am is not brave enough to tilt my head upward from his chest to meet his eyes to convey the unspoken.

I stared to trace with my finger the bulging vein of his forearm that is tightly wrapped around my waist . At least my mind is distracted from those unhealthy thoughts created out of my own insecurities and dumbness.

"Y/N!" Jungkook's voice never sounded this mellow ever . The texture itself screaming how nervous he is being.

I just hummed still not Daring to meet his eyes.

"How have you been?" His voice this time filled with genuine concern.

The simplest of questions that could anyone ever ask made my eyes sting as tears threatened to form in my eyes.

I kept quiet. Still processing internally what would be the most suitable answer .

I didn't realize that I zoned off until jungkook tilted my head pilling off of his chest to meet his eyes .

   His left hand met the side of my face holding me like the most fragile thing that ever existed in his world when he stared deep in my eyes searching for the unanswered , the unspoken.

   "You've been hurting!! I've been hurting you and I didn't even realize!" Jungkook replied his own question with so much hatred directed towards himself that I couldn't help shaking my head frantically as a 'no'.

  Though he's not completely wrong in his guess , I'm hurt but not by him. I'm hurt mostly because of the bizarre thoughts of my mind that goes on overdrive created by the loneliness, the emptiness that only requires jungkook to be filled in. He consumed my entire being in such a way that I can only breathe in all lively when he's around to hold me .
I can bear the urges to be close to him all the time when I'm at work. The passion of the thing I've dreamt of all my life drives me on track . I'm whole when I'm with jungkook but I'm still me with my white apron on attending patients with the biggest smile I can muster on.
But the timespan in between where there's no jungkook and no patients to attend on and I'm left with my overworking mind all alone, I overthink to wreck my sanity by my own self.

"No jungkook-!" I was ready to convince him but he cut me off.

"No let me please! I know I'm at fault. I've  tangled you in this mess with me when I knew very well that I could no way have a Normal life like other people. I could never have the time , never the opportunity to hold the love of my life close to my soul all the time . Cz I don't even have time for myself. How could I even dare to dream of such thing!! I've been deluded . But I can't help falling. Can't help caging you in my arms when all my life my heart cried for your attention. I became selfish. I heard my heart and acted upon it. Maybe I rushed into things, I should have taken time. Should have given you time. But I've been waiting for years , love!! These years , I felt dead inside holding on the last string of hope that I'd have you again all to myself. And when I did , I never wanted you to let go . So I-I wanted you all for myself!! I-i'm sorry noona. But can you forgive me!! I'm too selfish to let you go!! " Jungkook's voice cracked and I know a sob is on the way .

And oh God, how much I hated the look on his face , all defense crumbled , harmless like a little puppy craving nothing but love!

"We're all selfish kook!! Me , you , we all crave love!! There's nothing wrong in wanting to keep the one you love close to yourself!! You did nothing wrong!" I held his face in my hands drawing circles on his cheeks with my thumb trying to ease his tense muscles a bit.

"But- but I hurt you!! Can you not keep it all to yourself!! Can you talk to me please!! Talk to me when you feel alone. Call me no matter wherever I am . I'll try to be there but please don't hurt all by yourself , okay?? Let's share the pain like we share the love!! Let's not hide from the other okay?? Please !!" Jungkook almost pleaded and I couldn't hold myself anymore as I buried my head on his chest nuzzling deeper into the crook of his neck nodding my head .

"Okay, I promise!"

A soft pair of lips left their warmth on my forheat a few times , the last one lingering for minutes and I drifted off to slumber with the soft hum of jungkook near my ear -
"I love you, my forever."

For the first time in weeks my mind was shut off from any attempt of overdrive cz it was home, close to it's owner.

A/n:
I wanna complete this asap but I'm lazy 😭
And please vote if you're reading 💜