His Worth | MxM

² sixteen

Worth .

"So...you're just going to cut contact with me?" My mom questions me harshly, holding the purse Nate got her tightly to herself. "And just when we first met after so many years?"

"That's on you, you could've met me much sooner. You just didn't." I state firmly, seeing the way her eyes narrowed on me. "Besides, I'm trying to get stressful and bothersome things out of my life. I'm not in the right state of mind to be dealing with you right now, sorry."

"'Dealing with me'? How could you word it like that? I'm your mother."

I found myself just staring at her. I saw the way her lips tightened together almost as if she kind of regretted saying that too. She already knew what I was going to say before I said it.

She had no right to say that to me.

She may have birthed me, but she's not my mother. Mother's don't do what she's did to Micah and me.

Ever since I've spoken with Nate, I've been talking with him more. I am happy that I am able to communicate what's on my mind to him without feeling like I'm going to screw up again.

There's no...wrong thing to say, it's just how I'm feeling. After speaking for some time on this, we've decided that I should cut contact with her.

For now.

There's just no reason for me to be trying to grow some contrived relationship. Now's just not the time, it's too early for that.

"You can say what you want, but you can't force me to have some relationship with you. I've made up my mind." I affirm once more to her without hesitation, "There's always a possibility that I'll reach out to you again, but now's not the time."

"You didn't just decide this on your own, I know for a damn fact." She snaps, and I stay silent. "Before Nate ran his damn mouth to you probably, you were all for talking with me. Now look, he filled your mind with nonsense."

"He didn't. I decided this for myself." I tell her honestly.

I saw the way all of her anger towards one person seems to be moved onto me. That didn't bother me one bit as I grin at her, seeing the way her lips twisted down at me in disbelief and disgust.

"You decided...to separate yourself from me?"

"Yes."

"Just when I was 'bout to show you to your daddy? You wanna pull this shit on us?"

"You're cussing now, interesting." I found myself sitting back in my seat.

I took Nate's advice and I met my mom at a public place. Nate isn't too far from me as he got a place to sit here too.

Eating with the kids, I know he can see me somewhere. I can't see him, but I prefer that. I don't want to be guided by his expressions or possible words, I want this all to be me right now. 

Especially when it comes to this.

"Yeah, I'm gonna cuss. You have this damn case and I came through for you-."

"No, you didn't. You 'came through' once I already went through everything there is to go through. If you knew I was in jail wrongfully from the jump, you could've 'come through' to get me out. If you knew Micah and I were just kids raising ourselves, you could've 'come through' to actually be a good parent. If you knew I was in a vulnerable state and still went out of your way to try to manipulate me, you could've 'come through' and not bothered ever meeting me." I found myself snapping at her.

I saw the way she was getting angrier the more I abbreviated on those two words.

Except, it's true.

She didn't come through for anything. If anything, she's only added to my stresses and made me question myself and my placement. I don't need her complicating already complicated matters with her nonsense.

I just want...to get this shit over with.

I'm out of that funk for now, so I want to do everything necessary before I possibly get back into it and I won't want to do anything anymore. If I do everything right the first time, maybe there won't be another depressive episode...

I hope so.

"The fact that you think you can just talk to me however the hell you want-."

"It's not even like that. You were literally just cussing at me and don't act innocent either. I have spoken calmly and collected with you. You're the one making a fuss-."

"Of course I am! You and Micah are my only kids! Micah is fine, why are you being so fuckin' difficult? He had you in jail for shit you didn't even do, and yet you will still talk to him?"

"Who said I was still talking to him?" I question her.

I watch the way she falls silent and she clearly wanted to say more. Except her lips kept opening to speak, but then they'd close soon after with nothing to say.

"And if I do still talk to him, it's up to me. If I don't talk to him, that is also up to me. I have barely been able to make choices in my life, and I want to begin to make some choices that benefit me in the long run," I stand up from my seat, digging in my pocket for my wallet as I begin to look for cash, "and I've decided that me keeping contact with you, will not benefit me. It'll only make me worse."

I set down two twenty dollar bills, grinning at her as she looked up at me in shock.

"I am happy I met you though."

"Why?" She questions me shakily, her hands balled up into fists. "You gonna say some smart shit to me?"

"Because I am now seeing that it's best...you're not in my life." I state calmly.

Her lips parted in shock to me saying that and I turn away. Walking out of the restaurant, I went to my car and was aware that Nate probably saw me leave her.

Being able to say and do all of that was peaceful for my soul.

The one person I still...haven't made my mind up on is Micah.

...why does it have to be so hard when it comes to him?

It should be an easy answer...yet I can't choose one.

Why?

___________________🙂👍

what do you think his decision will be?

will he keep contact with Micah?

or not?

- yolo 🫶