FATALISTIC LOVE ✓

XXV

"okay what drinks does everyone want?"

a bottle of fucking vodka.

I was kidding. I listened to the staffs order as I played with the fork in my pasta- noticing how your eyes lingered on me for longer than I ever expected you to.

you started to notice me around work more, annoy me more, scare me and talk to me. it was nice feeling to be special for once.

I liked how you surprised me with an arm around my shoulder once- your chin leaning on me, your boyish scent engulfing me as you asked me what I was doing. I liked how your coarse hair tickled my neck that one time we got stuck in the lift- me accidentally pressed against you (I felt very short) I liked how you complimented my photos unexpectedly, apologising again for how we met the first time. I liked how you chose to sit with me at lunch, played twenty questions with me. I liked how you pretended to take pictures of me with your phone screaming YAH LOOK AT THAT POSE! trying to get a smile out of me. and you succeeded because I started to smile and laugh a lot more. you made me feel ...

alive again.

and I felt like I deserved it. I deserved something joyful.

"Valentina. Do you want a drink?"

you asked me in front of the rest of the staff who usually acted like I was never present. everyone's eyes turned towards me and my cheeks felt like they were on fire because all I could focus on was how you were waiting for me.

"no thanks."

so you continued to make a list of everyone's drinks, not being able to take your eyes off me. I noticed Jin, don't worry. it made me feel a little giddy inside.

don't worry was our motto.

but all I did was worry.

"Valentina, come with me."

"what? where?"

"to get the drinks. I won't be able to carry them on my own." you said stating the obvious.

why can't you take someone else? why me? it's now that it makes me wonder- were you looking for an excuse just to hang out with me?

"come on. I'll need help."

and my stomach felt funny when your pink lips pouted at me. why the fuck was I thinking about us kissing, your lips and-

I coughed. "I'm busy."

"doing what?"

"eating." bitch.

"ugh. come on val, there's nothing on your plate!"

"fine let's go." I eventually stood up and walked out the staff room without you.