FATALISTIC LOVE ✓

XXXIX

I don't know why I loved you so much.

let me make a list:

• you after your naps. your lazy head lying on the pillow- the white contrasting with your darkened blonde strands. your slightly opened eyes awakening as a yawn escaped your mouth, followed by a murmur of my name. you being clingy for me after waking up.

• you encouraging me. you telling me I'm worth everything good in the world. you reminding me that I'm capable of above and beyond my career, my skills and my qualities. you reminding me that my worth is not determined by others, not even my family.

• you listening to me, simply being there for me at my weakest. you helping me by giving me the best advice with random things, such as the issue of my parents and their sickening idea of an arranged marriage.

• your smile when you'd get to see me. where your eyes would disappear and you'd wrap your long arms around me.

• your laughter. a contagious sound that could sometimes be used in the wrong situations and would somehow make the ends of my lips turn upwards. no matter how angry, melancholic ... your laughter would make me feel better. I'd find myself laughing with you. although there were many times I was laughing at you.

• you holding my hand whenever you'd have the chance to. when we'd cross the road, when we'd tuck into bed together and when you'd take me home quietly.

• you driving us around. your car was a place we both enjoyed because it was a safe space for the two of us. we spent a lot of time in there and it hurts a little that you no longer have that car anymore.