Types of tears (COMPLETED)

chapter 16

My mom was acting normal as always, and my dad ignore me when I came in. It's fair to say that Peyton was lying and that they didn't really worry about me. But that's fine, it's my life. It didn't blame them because I know I should be  more than I am, but I'm not.

This night Peyton slept on the couch. I don't know why, I just went to shower and when I got out I saw him sleeping there. I couldn't help but think it was because of me. Either he just felt like he couldn't handle me anymore, or he just didn't wanna be near me right now.

Either way I got my bed to myself tonight. I laid down like a star on it, I wanted to enjoy my sleep but I couldn't. I feel asleep probably at 3 in the morning. My mind was a bigger mess than usual. I was thinking of a lot of things. I was think of what Peyton said, I was thinking of Royal and her Anna, I was thinking of the school project and new questions to ask her. I was thinking of the times I cried today and how I cut my skin today.

I couldn't stop, I really couldn't. I felt so lost and I didn't want to get in my mind anymore.

They always say you have to get lost before you find yourself, I've been lost my hole life and I still haven't found myself.

I put on my headphones and just listen blankly to my playlist until I finally zoned out. I woke up at 10 the next day with a headache. I was waiting for Peyton to come in and say to get ready to go out again, but I didn't happen. By the time I get up I saw everyone seeing TV, as Peyton took little breaks to read from a book he had in his hands.

No one looked at me as I filled a bowl with cereal and ate it.

I hear my mom say she was going to get some tacos from this Mexican place and that she'd be back.

My dad stayed quiet, I could almost swear he was giving me little glances but I never saw his eyes directly on me. As for Peyton, he was to busy with his book.

After some time him and dad started to talk, mostly about Peyton life. It was there that I realize I knew nothing about him.

He lived in the dorms in college and sees his girlfriend on the weekends, he had a program he did in college named studyMe, where people went to study with one other. Him and 3 other of his friends were like the teacher that helped anyone that went. Typical of Peyton.

He was thinking of studying for a nurse or taking extra class on a different language.

And then there's me who can barely pass math and science.

I locked myself in my room the hole day, just coming out to eat, some part of me wanted to see Royal today but I felt like it would be weird to see her two days in a row. So instead I write down question for her. I had about 20 question for her.

I also felt the need to talk to Peyton because of everything that happened yesterday, but I pushed that out of my head.

The next morning I got up for school, Peyton slept on the couch again. I felt kind of bad.

The bus ride was pretty fast in my eyes. I was so busy in my head that I didn't even realize that time was flying by.

I walked out and meet Rebecca right when I was walking in the school doors.

"Hey" she said and stopped for a second, probably trying to figure out my name, it's no surprise that she doesn't know it, only teacher that I have know my name because it's on the roll list.

They mostly never take assistance, and when they do and call my name I just raises my hand a little and make no sound. No one ones my name.

"I feel like a jerk for asking this but what's your name? I feel like I should already know." She said and I just smile down at her.