the world is a little blurry

019

"I miss her...Those fucking interviews man...Why they gotta be in New York and not here?!" I frowned and Amelia rubbed my back smiling "I know you do...But think positive! She will arrive today! How bout you surprise her?" I lighted up instantly "Holy shi- Yes!" I jumped off my bed "How about...Okay listen! I will talk to Maggie, and hide somewhere like...Inside her closet...When she arrive I will jump out and-" I stopped and my mom opened the door "Honey! There's a package for you downstairs" She smiled and went downstairs I look at Amelia with a puzzled look on my face and she shrugged. I ran downstairs and there was a huge package "What on the earth you even ordered?" My mom asked sitting on the couch "Nothing...The fuck is this?" I muttered to myself and opened the big brown box and took a peek inside "Hi mammas!" Billie jumped out of it immediately tripping over the box and falling on top of me "Billie!" I didn't bother standing up, I just wrapped my legs around her and she peppered me with kisses "What the fuck!! I missed you so much" I hugged her tightly, Amelia and my mom laughed uncontrollably "Y'all fucking with me! I try to surprise her and she does it first?! The fuck!" Billie laughed and helped me to get on my feet "How was the interview?" She nodded "Yeah, it was cool but...I rather be with you" She snuggled my chest and I ran my fingers through her hair "Softie" I giggled and she smacked me playfully.

I spend the whole day with Billie and me and my mom gave her dropper her and Amelia off on their houses "So...We gotta talk" I giggled "Damn...I didn't do anything!" I raised my hands in defense and she laughed "I know...Well so, Joe...He asked for us to move with him" My eyes widened. The dude was mad rich, allegedly he lived on a big mansion, but I never saw it.
"So..? We going?" She bit her lip "I'm thinking about it! We are going to buy a new house, we need more room to the baby after all..." I nodded and held her hand "I'll be by your side, mom" I smiled "Gonna be hard to leave Lia though...We live so close to each other" She sighed "I know, honey..." I looked outside the window "When we going to move?"
"Probably at the end of the school year." She smiled softly.
Well...This is going to be a new experience.
"I guess we are rich now, huh?" I thought to myself.
"Hey, mom..." She looked at me for a split second and focused on the road again "Can we see a house next to Billie?" Her smile grew wider "Of course we can."

Okay now I was excited.

"So you're gonna move?" Lia pouted and I hugged her "Yeah...But ya know...It's not like I'll live that far away!" She rolled her eyes "I know! But I won't be able to sneak in your house and scare the living shit outta you again!" I laughed "Thank god!" She laughed and we walked to the parking lot "Well...We gotta make memories from that shit now! I mean...It's our last year, and you are going to move" I laughed loudly "Bro, you sound like a fucking white jock in a football game right now" She smacked me laughing "But it's true!" I nodded "Well yeah...Shit I can't believe it's our last year here...Damn." She sighed and we leaned over my car. "I hate this place though..." I snickered "Fucking same". We entered the car and drove to a park nearby.

We spend the afternoon together. Since I started dating Billie, we didn't hung out alone. As much as I love going out with Billie, I missed going to placed with Lia "You remember when I tripped over here and-" I laughed immediately "You touched dog shit bro!" We laughed loudly making an old couple stare at us "It was fucking hilarious, holy shit".

I hugged Lia goodbye immediately thinking about what would I do without her so close. We were practically born together, we lived close since ever and it will be so hard to leave her. On the other hand...Billie. We will live next to each other...

"You have no idea of how excited I am, mammas! We could have sleepovers and we could have breakfast together too..." I laughed, she was so fucking soft, oh my god "Nah, I just wanna hangout with Pepper" She laughed "Go fuck yourself..." I scrunched my nose "Billie, you're so romantic". I heard her cute laugh from the other side of the line. It's almost ritualistic. I called Billie every single day. We talked for hours until we went to bed. It was perfect.

Billie's POV

I can't believe she's going to live next to me! Everything felt like a dream! I ran to Finneas room as soon as we hung up. I knocked on the dood "What?" he answered lazily as I bursted through the door "(Y/n) gonna move!" Hisfsce dropped and it turned to more of a confused expression "How...How is that good?" I rolled my eyes "Her mom is thinking 'bout moving to our neighborhood!" I said excitedly as his face lit up "This is great, Billie!" I nodded and he sat up "Looks like everything is fine between you two, huh?" I sat next to him "Yeah...I mean...I'm scared she will leave me...Ya know...Cause the managers, dramas, tours and shit" I sighed and he rubbed my back "I'm sure it's mutual...If she really loved you, she will stick around..." I thought for a while and nodded "You're right...Well I'm gonna go to sleep now, night" I walked to my room and he yelled "Close the door!" I closed it while mocking his voice and he giggled "Night!"

He was right...But I feel so guilty.
She deserves better than me.

She deserve waaaay better than me.

I love her so much.
I just...Hate myself.
And I don't know what to do. She was so sweet...Her gentle kisses on my neck...Her soft hands.
I feel guilty...Guilty for keeping her, while she could be happier with someone else. I feel like a parasite...And she's the hostage.
Hostage.
Hostage...hostage.
Huh.

...I grabbed my marker and looked to my wall filled with scribbles and lyrics. I looked for an empty space and started to brainstorm.

You're all I wanted, just let me hold you. Like a hostage.

Okay...Uhhh...

I wanna steal your soul
And hide you in my treasure chest.

I hummed and I grabbed my notebook writing down the lyrics.
Tomorrow I'll show it to Finneas...And talk to (Y/n). I don't deserve her.
But I was so happy that she would live next to me. I was so happy with her! Why can't I allow myself to be happy?!

Why? Why? Why? Why?!

I woke up and immediately texted (Y/n), she was excited to see a movie...It broke my heart to see her so excited like that.

We met in front of the cinema. She was gorgeous. She decided to have ice cream so we sat down and I sighed "I wanna be straight forward. We can't be together."

Y/N POV

My heart stopped.
"What- Why? What did I do? I'm sorry if I-" She interrupted me "It's not you...I love you! That's why...I just- I hate myself way too much to allow you to love me..." I scoffed "It's bullshit" I stood up, took my bag and left "(Y/n)! Please! I-..." She sobbed and I could listen my heart breaking.
And that's the last time I saw her.
Still gorgeous, with tears streaming down her eyes.

A/N: I know that hostage wasn't written like...This month and shit but COPE WITH ME I ADDED CAUSE IDK DRAMA IM SORRY
and ITS GONNA GET BETTER PLZ IM SO SORRY AND UHH.. i wanna thank @leblancfanz and @Clare_Bean_929 for commenting <3 it means a lot and yea! im already working on the new chapter cause i dont like to keep u guys waiting :')