The New Girl | Sidemen

Tear Stained | Chapter 45

     ~Decidophobia
the fear of making the wrong decisions

     It was early in the morning, 3am to be exact. I sat alone in the lounge as everyone else had gone to sleep earlier. I had no phone on, no tv to entertain me. Staring at the opposite side of the room, I thought about life. A year ago I was just a girl still living in my parents house filming YouTube videos for a living. Having a decent sized audience, but one that wasn't very widely known among all sides of youtube. Now everything had changed. I met a few boys outside of my flat building, and it completely changed my life. Who knew that Harry, the person all my male mates used to talk about in school, would now be my best friend. That I would be given a beautiful necklace from Mr.Knowledge, Strength, and Integrity.

It's almost as if I dreamt this all up. Like it was a dream that had just been dragging on for way too long. The dream that I never wanted to end, but the dream that I'm not sure I was right for. What made me so special to be in this position in life. Lucky wasn't even the word for it. Sure I always tried hard and life and I deserved to be successful, although there's so many people who try even harder and don't achieve as much as I have been able to.

My thoughts started to slow down as I laid down on the sofa and my eyelids started to feel heavy.
The moment I began to drift off to sleep is when somebody picked my body up off of the sofa.

"Jide?" I questioned with a light voice as my eyes tried to open, but didn't want to.
"Shh. Just close your eyes and go to sleep" Jj said as he walked into his room and laid me down on his bed gently, pulling the covers over me to make sure I was warm.

"Goodmorning" was the first thing I heard as I started to wake up.
"No. Not good" I said with a groan after.
"Why isn't it good?" Jj asked me with a slight laugh.
"Because for some reason I have a headache" I told him as I pulled the covers tights against me and turned around to fall back asleep again.
"I'll get you some water and let you stay here" Jj said as he got up out of the bed. He walked towards the door, leaving, and closing it after he had left.

I drifted off to sleep once again, although now wishing that I hadn't.

"Aria what's going on? Why does Twitter keep talking about you?" Jj asked me extremely confused.
"I have no idea. But I don't want to look" I said back as I started to become nervous.
"It's full of you and.. oh... Harry" Jj said as scrolled on his phone and read a bunch of post trying to cancel me.

I pulled out my own phone and saw hundreds of notifications all over the place. I checked YouTube first. I was down 400k followers. What could I have done so horrible to cause this. As I opened up twitter, I looked up my own name only for a DramaAlert tweet to show up.

~UK youtuber Ariella had major part in breakup of W2S and his girlfriend!!
~Now I'm being told she cheated on KSI?! What's going on!

Jj started to play a video on his phone, and I could immediately tell that it was Katie's voice.
"Me and Harry are no longer together so stop asking, and here's the reason. His best friend Aria accused me of cheating on Harry with her flatmate Jacob. Then she came to Harry's flat to use his sadness as an excuse to put herself all up on him. That's all you need to know about her true self" Katie said as the video ended.

That couldn't have been real? Katie never posted her voice on her story, especially as a rant. None of this was true anyways, that wasn't the way it happened.

I looked up from my own phone to see Jj staring at me.
"You cheated on me? After the multiple times you complained about not wanting me to hurt YOU! And then you ended up hurting me in a way worse way! What a hypocrite" Jj said as he reached over and yanked the necklace he had given me off of my neck.
"Jide listen!" I said as I tried to follow him out of the room.
"No! You listen! Leave. Now!" Jj yelled as he pointed at the door of the flat.
"But I don't even have my stuff!" I said as I began tearing up.
"And you don't need it either! Go buy some new clothes with the money you got from using me this whole time" He said with a serious look on his face as he went over to the flat door and held it open.

I couldn't hold in my tears anymore as they started to stream down my cheeks. I don't know how Jj could think that I was using him. I mean sure I put him in my videos and titles, and it got me more views, but he was the one who told me to do those things. I would never use him for my own gain just because. He means so much to me, and I mean so much.
"I would never do something like that to you Jide!" I said as I pushed him in the chest and walked out of the flat. Walking fast down the hallways and not looking bad at him like I usually would when I left. I turned the corner so he could no longer see me, and pulled out my phone to call Harry.

"Harry... what's going on?" I asked as soon as he picked up.
"Katie explained to me how you were lying to me about what happened at the coffee shop, and how she never got a text. How she didn't even know that Jacob existed. I don't know why I believed you over her, I've been with her for years while I haven't known you nearly as long" Harry explained with a monotone voice. Which I rarely ever heard from him.
"Harry! None of this is true! Why does everyone think I'm lying! She's not telling the truth Harry. I wouldn't lie to you like that!" I tried to tell him, although I don't think he cared to listen.
"Okay Aria. I'm sure this isn't just you lying to me again. For probably the twentieth time in a row" Harry said right before he hung up the call.

I slid down the wall, my head in my hands. My eyes became puffy with tears, not being able to hold them back at all. I had just lost everything that had been amazing in my life these past few months. Why did this have to happen. All because I wanted to protect Harry, and make sure he wasn't being lied to, making sure he was in a good relationship. Now I was the one who got screwed over. Although maybe I was at fault for thinking that I could have ever been something successful. I was an ordinary girl after all. So I guess life realized that I didn't deserve all that I had at the moment, and had to make me lose it all in a matter of hours.

"Here's your water. Sorry it took so long, I was talking to Simon about something" Jide said as he woke me up nicely. "Why are you all sweaty and all clammed up?" Jj asked me as he places a hand to my forehead, feeling that it was extremely hot.
"No reason. It's just a little warm in here" I told him as I grabbed the water and took a good few big sips.
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit" Jj said as he left the room to go into the lounge with Simon.

As soon as I could confirm he was actually gone, I unlocked my phone and immediately opened up twitter. No DramaAlert tweet, no #Ariellaisoverparty, no more negative tweets than usual. It was all okay, but I still didn't feel okay. I wiped the tears from my tear stained cheeks and carried on with relief. Although the tears didn't cease to run down my face like a waterfall.

I opened up my texts and clicked on Katie's name, typing out a message but not clicking send. Reading the message over and over again before making a decision.

~I'm sorry... I was the one who told Harry

SEND

Fuck... what did I just send. I looked at the message for a few minutes, just staring at what I had done, and then, the read symbol had popped up. I had drowned in my own emotions and had now done something so stupid, that I couldn't take back. Everything was going fine for me, and I may have just fucked it up. Why couldn't I just ever make the right decision for once in my life. I always found a way to mess everything up...

Decidophobia