*Part thrity-eight*

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third person pov
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TW // mentions of suicide attempt from last chapter, online bullying kinda ?

"yeah, sorry"

"dude, don't say sorry. you really have nothing to be sorry about. you just let me know if you and yeosang need anything. i'm sorry you have to go through all of this"

yunho was on the phone with renjun while his parents talk to san and mingi. yeosang is napping with the two youngest siblings, so he thought it'd be a good time to call and tell him he won't be making it to his house.

"we will" yunhos voice cracked while he tried not to cry.

"i'm sorry buddy... you want me to get you anything? me and my dad are at the store now grabbing drinks and stuff" renjun asked through the phone

"i'm okay... i just need some time ya know?"

"take as much time as you need. i hope everything turns out okay with everyone. your family doesn't deserve this yu, you guys are great people"

"thank you" yunho choke out

"of course. if you guys aren't gonna be at school on monday let me know and i'll grab your homework and stuff" the shorter said

"i will, i gotta go bud. i'll talk to you later" yunho sniffled

"yeah bud, talk to you whenever"

the two hung up and yunho tossed his phone on his bed. "fucking hell" he whispered to himself as he fell to his knees beside his bed, placing his hand on it to catch himself from completely falling.

he felt like he failed as an older brother. the second that the boys stepped into the house his job was to always protect them. always be there for them. and now, sans having suicidal issues. mingi blames himself to the point where he throws up. jongho murmurs to himself at night how he wishes he wasn't so 'useless. wooyoung doesn't smile like he used to. and yeosang gets picked on for simply talking.

yunho felt the room spinning. his stomach started hurting and his mouth started to water. he quickly ran to the bathroom and puked in the toilet. 'don't tell mom or dad' he said to himself 'they have enough going on'

he got off his knees once he was done throwing up school lunch, and flushes the toilet. he brushed his teeth at least three times, coming to the realization that he'll have to wait for the taste of vomit to leave his mouth naturally. he went to his room, grabbing some comfortable clothes and a towel from the hall closet. he went back i to the bathroom, locking the door and starting up a shower.

he looked at himself in the mirror. he looked just about dead, and even though he was already 172 centimeters, which is tall for his age, he felt so small. and fragile.

he stepped into the shower, letting water fall down his back, and finally letting the tears roll down his face. he's not fighting it back anymore.

~

mingi and seonghwa were still sat on the parents bed.

"we were arguing an-"

"about what?"

"the homework assignment that was due. it was stupid but at the time it seemed important. and san said something about my anxiety and how i need to calm down cause i'm too tense. then i said... something really bad" mingi looked down at his hands, his left thumb picked at the cuticles of his right thumb. seonghwa reached his hand out to stop the boy from making his finger bleed.

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