The Rainbow Wolf And Her Alpha

Chapter 70 - Ups and Downs

Alexa's POV:

Zander's hands covered his face. A muffled groan and a few indistinguishable words was all I could hear.

"Look Zander, I know Rachel is somehow linked to your past, and I understand that no matter what happened I have no right to be angry because it happened before you met me. That doesn't mean I don't deserve to know if there is even a small part of you that misses her, or would leave me.. for her. I deserve an explanation at the very least."

"Wait.. what?" Zander stood from the bed and approached me. "Alexa, there is no one in the entire world I would ever want to be with, apart from you." He took slow steps and stopped in front of me. "I promise to always be loyal to you." Zander's words were honest, but I could also feel his emotions as I had spoken earlier.

He felt confused, and then disgusted at the thought of choosing Rachel over me. He didn't even realise it was his feelings that convinced me, not his words. 

"I believe you. Can you please explain to me why she would show up here almost naked, wanting to train with you? She also seems to be under the impression you would choose her to be your Luna?" I stated more confused than before.

Zander's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Honestly, I have no explanation for anything Rachel does, all I can say is she's been obsessed with me since we dated. Her parents tried to get me to choose her to be my Luna. She was willing to reject her mate for me, but I wasn't willing to do the same. There is something else you should know though.."

Zander's feelings were barrelling into me through the bond, it was all I could focus on. He felt disgust, shame and fear. I just didn't know the context behind it, but knew it wasn't going to be good. "Okay tell me everything." I say taking a seat on the bed.

"Around a year ago, Rachel and I dated. Her parents wanted us together and expected me to pick her as my Luna. We mostly only kissed while we were together and I knew I didn't love her."

I swallowed painfully knowing this was the past but my heart struggled grasping and differentiating between past and present for some reason. A big green monster called jealousy peeked out and wedged itself in my throat. "What do you mean by 'mostly' only kissed?" I asked the question I was dreading the answer to.

Zander's pain and fear hit me head first, causing tears to fill my eyes before he could speak. "Alexa, please.. I never wanted to hurt you." Zander says casting his eyes to the ground. As soon as my eyes began glistening he couldn't face me. "Did you give her head?" 

"What? Goddess no!" Zander's reply surprised me but I felt his instant relief for a second, before his heart began thumping faster in his chest. "She did give me head a few times though." His admission was barely audible. I could feel his guilt eating him up.

"Okay, I knew there was a good chance that whoever I ended up with wasn't going to be waiting for someone special to be their first. I knew I was in the minority and it would have been wrong to assume my other half would have waited for me like I did him, but Rachel of all people? Really?" I couldn't keep the hurt and disappointment from my voice even if I tried. 

"That's what hurts the most Alexa. I 'was' waiting for my mate to be my first to..." Zander looked at me knowingly as my eyes widened.

"Wait so you've never.. gone all the way?" I asked hopefully. I should have known not to be hopeful that would just lead to me crashing and burning.

"No, I have, but-" Zander's first word sent a mountain of crushing weight onto my heart and lungs. I couldn't breathe and felt like the world was closing in around me. I knew I shouldn't be angry but did I have a right to feel this much pain? I needed to get out of there
and fast. I ran out as fast as I could, ignoring Zander's pleas to listen. I couldn't look at him right now and there was nothing more to talk about.