Her eyes

Chapter 9

He didn't lie when he'd said it would be well worth it.

It was beyond that.it was beyond anything I had ever seen before.

He pulled me along to the pool, and sadly released my hand as he pulled of his shoes and socks. He took a seat at the waters edge. The pool was so transparently blue I could see into the bottom of it. And the urge to jump in came over me.

Archer pulled out a sweater from his bag and placed it on the ground beside him, and I just stared at him.

"Are you going to stand there all day, or have a seat"

I instantly lowered my body towards the ground, at the place he has prepared for me to sit so I wouldn't get myself dirty on the dusty cave ground.

"Thank you"

"You know you don't have to thank me so much. I just do what anyone would've done." Archer said good naturedly.

" I'm sorry, I just wanted to show my gratitude. And no one's ever sacrificed their clothes so I could have a seat" i said.

He had pulled his jeans a little further up his strong legs and dipped his bare feet into the water. I didn't think their would ever be a day where I thought a man's feet were attractive. But I regret to inform you that that day had come. He leaned back and braced his weight on his thick arms.

"It's because I wanted to genuinely do it for you." He said turning his eyes on me, "And I don't mind sacrificing things for your comfort, as you put it." He chuckled his words were a comfort, soothing my guilt.

I mirrored him and removing my shoes and socks before dipped my feet into the water. It was a little chilly but I gradually got accustomed to it. It was nice. I wanted to pull of my clothes and throw myself in to float and watch the stalactites twinkle above me.

"How did you find this place?" I asked. I was curious how he'd found it after only being here for a few months.

"I asked my dad." He chuckled.

"How did he find it? I've lived here for a whole year and it feels like I've only been to my local shopping center."

"He used to live here for a time in his twenties, before he'd married my mother. It was after he'd graduated Oxford university, and he and some of his friends rented a van and traveled all over England. Discovering and exploring hidden caverns it seems." He shrugged. "And when the discussion of moving to England came about. He wanted to come back here."

"I can imagine why he came back here, just this place is worth it" I said.

"Why did you move here?" He asked me.

I didn't know if I should be as truthful as I could be about my family situation or if I should just tell a flat out lie. But I wanted him to know me. It had been so long since anyone had known me. And I them in return.

I hesitated. "My family situation wasn't that good. I mostly applied for schools as far away as I possibly could. I ended up getting accepted into Cambridge. So I went."

I was meet with silence that resulted in me not even wanting to look up from the pool our feet were dipped in. Before he could say anything I stood up and backed away a few steps into the darkness. He turned his head to see what I was doing, but I quickly exclaimed a "don't look." He instantly turned his head facing forwards again.

I removed my shirt and popped open the button on my jeans, before I could go any further I was interrupted.

"W-what are you doing?" Archer stuttered.

"I want to be in the water." I replied.

I pulled of my pants and took a running leap into the pool. I sank down to the bottom, when I opened my eyes I could see the disturbance I'd caused the water from the small bubbles that floated to the top.

It was so silent down here, it was like wearing sound reducing headphones but better. I would've stayed down there longer if my lungs didn't run out of air. I pushed myself up from the bottom and resurfaced.
Archer was now standing up looking quite concerned, probably thinking I'd cracked my skull on a rock.

Our eyes connected as I propelled my legs back and forth to stay afloat. From this angle it looked like his eyes had darkened. But maybe it was just the dim light that was spread throughout the cavern.

"Come in, it's really nice." I wanted him to join me, and partake in the magic of the pool. The water was a little below body temperature, it was nice and refreshing. And the view from down here of the stalactites was absolutely breathtaking.

Archer reacted instant and pulled off his long sleeve shirt, I accidentally caught a glimpse of the end of his abdomen and he had a trail of golden blonde hair leading down and disappearing behind his trousers. I quickly looked away and turned around to give him some privacy. It would've been weird to just stare no matter how much I wanted to. I swam to the furthest end of the pool so it looked like I was doing something.

This was so out of character for me, I would've never in my wildest dreams taken my clothes of just to jump in a pool, no matter how magical. But that silence after I'd given a more tame version of why I was in the city, spurred me on. And so did his words from before we entered the cave.

He'd said be brave. The same words I'd chanted in my head every first day of school since the time I could remember.

I'd uttered the same phrase to myself every time I would have to do something I found to be especially hard or out of my comfort zone. But when he'd said them to me. It was like the word took on a whole new meaning. To be brave was not always doing something you weren't comfortable with.

Being brave was also being who you were without reservations, shackles or caring what other people might think of you. Being brave was taking up the space you deserved, not making yourself smaller so that other people could take up more space than they needed. Being brave was doing whatever you wanted with no care of who thought you were weird or abnormal. Being brave was getting up every morning when your heart ached and life felt chaotic. But most of all I think being brave was daring to love and to open your soul again no matter how many times you'd gotten hurt before.

I think somewhere along the way I had forgotten what it was to really brave. I had forgotten that I didn't have to make myself small for other peoples benefit. I had placed myself in a box and persuaded myself that I deserved to be in that box. Because in my mind after years of being brutally bullied, my self worth was nonexistent. Everybody was above me. In my mind I was the lowliest of humans, I was not allowed to take up space or to speak my opinion. In my mind I was all the things I'd ever been teased for, and I deserved to suffer for it.

For so long, all I'd known was to not be seen or heard. Because if I did the monsters would come for me. But what I think I'd forgotten along the way was that I had teeth to, I had claws. And I was tired of overthinking every single thing I did out of fear and cowardice. I was tired of not living my life because of the ghosts in my head. Fuck them. They don't control me. And it was time that I'd truly be brave and did what made me feel good. If it was throwing my clothes off and jumping in a pool, then so be it.