Her eyes

Chapter 61

"Have you spoken to Linda about this?" I asked after an extended silence. "I think it would be good."

She shook her head, "not yet," and then she sighed. "I probably should, it's just...hard." She settled on.

She took a deep breath, "I-I'm just so ashamed that I did this to myself." And then the tears that had dried came back tenfold. "I don't want anyone to know. I didn't want you to know. I know this isn't what you signed up for, I'm sorry I'm such a burden." She cried burying her face in her hands, her body shaking.

My throat blocked with emotions, I swallowed hard. "Layla," I rubbed her back and let her hide for a few moments. "There's no shame in what a person does in order to survive, survival is never beautiful. It's messy and an intricate web of emotions that are almost always impossible to detangle and examine. No one can fault you for wanting to take a deep breath when you felt like you were suffocating." I removed her hands from her face. Her nose was red and running from all the tears she had spilled. Her eyes looked so sad and heartbroken.

"And don't ever refer to yourself as a burden, you never were and you never will be. And don't ever apologize to anyone for you way of coping. Do you hear me?" And she hestitanly nodded.

"But what if-"

I cut her off, "I know what I signed up for. And nothing could make me leave you or fall out of love with you. Especially not over something like this. I love you, Layla. And I'll keep telling you that until you believe me." I placed her head on my neck like I knew she liked and stroked her hair as she cried softly.

"I am so proud of you for having overcome this all by yourself, I can't even begin to imagine the strength it must've taken. You are everything to me Layla." I placed a kiss on her palm that was resting on my chest. "I love you more than life itself."

"I love you Archer." She hiccuped. I picked her up and went to the bathroom placing her on the lip of the tub. I started a bath with the warm temperature she liked and added the wood scented soap she preferred, all while she watched me in silence.

Her tear streaked empty face broke something in me. I wet a face towel in the sink and approached her, I went down on one knee in front of her and cupped her neck before cleaning the salty tears away. When the water and the slight layer of bubbles reached the top I turned off the tap. I placed my hands on the end of her shirt pausing to get her consent, when she nodded slightly I pulled her shirt up and she raised her arms to get it off.

As soon as it was off she covered her breasts, "Get in," I ordered softly.

She instantly stood and got into the warm water. When I stood to discard the towel in the wash bin and exit the room I heard her soft, "stay... please."

I turned back to see her knees tucked under her chin, the ends of her hair wet. I gave her a small rueful smile and grabbed a washing cloth kneeling by the tub. I dipped it in the water before brushing her hair off to the side to scrub her her back. "D-do you want to get in?" She asked hesitantly, chewing her lip.

"It's okay," this was for her. Not for me.

"Please?" She said again her breath hitching haltingly.

I hadn't been wearing a shirt so I stood to take my sweatpants off, but I kept my boxers on before getting in behind her, my legs bent. My arms wrapped around her waist, she was as stiff as a board.

"Relax, lean back for me baby." I rubbed soothing circles on her skin before she leaned her back against my chest. "Nothing's changed between us, and it never will."

She didn't reply, not even a nod. And a stab went through my heart. I felt so helpless I didn't know how to fix this or help her. She stared at the far off wall similarly to when I went to her apartment. I started softly humming the melody to the Hozier song she liked so much , hoping to soothe her. After a few seconds she leaned her ear against my chest.

We stayed in the tub until the water grew cold and my voice grew hoarse.