Her eyes

Chapter 63

It was almost midnight, and I had called Layla several times but she hadn't picked up, I was worried. What if she had hurt herself or something bad had happened to her. I was in the hallway of her flat now, my heart in my throat. I knocked on the door once. No answer, it only made me more worried.

I tried the handle and it gave away, I kept reminding her of the importance of locking her door but in this moment I was thankful that she had forgotten. I opened the door and the first thing I saw was a painting knocked over, a blood red bottle of paint seeping color onto the floor. When I turned my head I saw Layla sitting on the small kitchen counter her head leaning against the overhead cupboard staring blankly at the empty wall. I got a sense of dejavú, her eyes were almost identical to that day I had found her in a similar trance.

I approached her slowly, "Layla?"

She didn't answer but when I reached her line of sight, it was like she startled awake. "Archer?" She asked blinking and looking around the room, like she didn't know where she was. "What are you doing here?"

"I called, you didn't pick up." I replied slowly.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't hear." She cleared her throat and hopped down from the counter and removed her apron. She threw it on the chair, "we can go now," she said simply.

"What happened in here?" I asked confused as to why there seemed to have been a scuffle.

She shrugged, "nothing."

"Layla," I said again getting skeptical now.

"I just dropped a painting, it's nothing to worry about."

I walked towards the felled painting, "well we better clean up before this paint dries." It was facing down so I reached to pick it up.

"No-" she cut off when I turned it around.

The painting was a depiction of my hands holding a bleeding stabbed heart, her care to detail exceptional. But I had to put her talents aside and try to decipher the deeper meaning to it.

"What is this?" I chanced hoping she would tell me.

"It's nothing," she replied as she took the painting from my hands placing it against the wall with the rest of her canvases, but this one she placed facing away from prying eyes.

"You sure like to use that word a lot lately," came out sarcastically. I hadn't meant to say it or use that tone but she was acting so elusive, I thought we had moved past that. And combined with her previously lost in thought just staring at the wall I was getting increasingly concerned.

"Yeah, well it's nothing, this is nothing." She said throwing her arms up in frustration. "I am nothing. So you're free to leave now that you've made sure I haven't killed myself." She said as she tried to walk past me.

"Hey" I grabbed her arm, "Layla, what's going on?"

She looked me dead in the face and said "nothing," in a flat petty voice.

"Talk to me baby, I just want to help." I said bending down slightly so she couldn't avoid my eyes.

"Maybe I don't want your help, you're better off without me. I'm dragging you down and eventually you'll tire of it, it's better if we just end whatever this is now. Before we're in too deep." She said lips tight in a thin line.

"I already am in to deep. And quite frankly I'm tired of you trying to push me away and trying to force a narrative on me. I am not a man that tucks tail and runs in the other direction when things get tough," I took a breath.

"I am a grown man and I get to decide if I'll tire or not. I get to decide if I want to be with you, and I am telling you I will neither tire nor discard you. Ever."

"I will stand with you because I said so. Because every moment without you feels like a lifetime of emptiness. You are my reason for breathing, can't you see? I love you Layla, In the canvas of my heart, your name paints the most vibrant colors." I took another breath to calm my racing heart.

"I will never be good enough for you Archer." She breathed, I could see the tears gathering in her eyes before she shut them, shutting me out.

"Layla you already are, you are more than good enough. You're perfect for me. I'm not asking you to change. I don't want you to change. I don't know how else to convince you, tell me what you need and I swear I'll do it." I said brushing a stray tear away.

"I don't think I need anything from you, I just need something from myself. Something to fix me." She said softly.

I shook my head, "you don't need fixing, you're not broken. I just think you need to let yourself love, both yourself and someone else, and in turn you need to be loved as deeply. You've never had that before and it can be scary at first, I'm scared too," I admitted. "But I know that no matter what challenges we face, it's all worth it because I get to experience being by your side. You make every moment worth it."

She gave me a watery smile, "Archer the poet," she said her eyes glittering in tears and a hint of mirth.

"I will be whatever you want me to be, Layla."