Chapter 91: Punching bag.

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I turned around, staring at one of the dull grey walls that enclosed this room, thinking about my decision, whether it was the right one. Yet, I knew there were no such thing as decisions by now. Only consequences we had to suffer from making all those bad things.

It's funny how it's only now that we realise that we actually have no power at all. We are just two young persons who had the opportunity to encounter the deathnote. We thought of ourselves as gods who were fearless and immortal.

This was the truth. I can't deny it anymore. Since the beginning, I was telling myself that I was not a complete part of this mass murder. That I was only helpless and couldn't do otherwise. That I had to kill to survive. But what a silly excuse. The truth is, I actually liked what I was doing. I liked scribbling names on my deathnote and instantaneously watching the person die, knowing they would cause no more harm.

Who was I to decide who lives and who died? I was nobody, but I guess I thought I was a Goddess.

Y/d/n put his heavy hands on my shoulders, shaking me out of my thoughts. "Hailin, we don't have enough willpower to kill a little innocent girl." My blood boiled in rage. With a swift movement of my arm, I turned around, the back of my hand hitting his slightly bearded face. It stung, but oh, did it feel good to slap the hell out of this scumbag he was.

"And there was just so much willpower to kill other persons who we weren't even sure were guilty, right? Oh, sorry, this was our 'duty'! WE COULDN'T SIMPLY JUST HAVE THROWN THIS DAMN COPYBOOK AS SOON AS WE HAD FOUND OUT WHAT IT WAS CAPABLE OF, RIGHT?" I yelled, furiously kicking him.

He didn't respond, he rather welcomed the hits that were coming, making me picture him as a dummy.

"Why aren't you resposting, huh?" I said in between punches, striking harder each time. I had to convince him into doing that. This was the only way to stay undiscovered. If the police can trace the disappearance down to us, they will undoubtedly find out about the deathnote and we'll be sent straight out to the execution room.

I could not handle this on my own. Afterall, she was my brother's friend. And I even considered her as one of my little sisters. Tears started to sting my eyes as I thought of all the time I spent with her. Then, I imagined how Y/d/n must've treated her and how she felt scared. The next thing that embarked my train of thoughts was how she would be begging me to stop. "Stop it! Please, Hailin, I'm sorry I used some of your lipstick the other day. I won't do it again. I promise. Please, I will be a good girl. I won't tease your brother again. P-please I- N-NO! NonononononoNOOOOO!! Ouch! It hurts so bad... NO , PLEASE STOP, AAAAAAAAAH!"

My heart was beating furiously. Partly because of the energy that was drooling out of my body by hitting this seemingly huge mass of meat, and partly because of the fear  and anxiety I experienced on thinking about that girl's terrible fate.

I decided to stop throwing punches. I chest went down and up quickly and my head hung low. "Fine... We'll find another way... Tell me where she is so I can set her free." I said in between deep inhales. 

Silence. 

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(A/n: I miss youuuuuuu! :( let's talk while i have time, of couse, only if you do too!


Song is Daydreaming by my favourite group: Radiohead.)

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