Double Standards (Part 1)

Austin

Laney

I recall learning in school once that every cell in your body is replaced within seven years. In my logic that  meant that in seven years London would be completely out of my system, like we never loved at all. Every trace of his touch would be erased.

Seven years is a long time to wait. Obviously I still loved London, but it was no longer healthy to me. I had to purge him quickly, move on.

Forget.

Then there was Austin. Yes we have a rocky past, but we aren't careless children anymore. Austin has changed as well as I. When I'm with Austin I can feel my innocence again. I'm no longer a murderer, a victim, a mob boss's girl. With Austin I'm just Laney, the girl who grew up on a farm, simple, country.

I had to purge London.

London isn't willing to give me what I need. Yes, I believe London loves me, but he's to scared to give himself fully. Always considering the what if's of our relationship. Always worrying about the dangers he brings to me.

Yes, I do commend him for that in a way, not wanting me harmed or damaged by his lifestyle. But what London doesn't understand is he's causing me the harm and damage.

Every time he pushes me away it kills me, then bam, soon as I feel myself overcoming my heartbreak, he reels me back in. I'm his fish. London puts me in this little glass bowl and watches from afar, then once my fins start to expand he's there dropping the bait, and I always bite. Hook, line, and sinker.

But he's like those fishermen that never keeps their catch. London  will pass me to and fro in his hands and enjoy me just for a bit, then toss me back into the water where I drown. My fins no longer functional. Then when I'm almost belly up I draw this inner strength and swim off, only for him to go fishing again.

Not this time though. This cycle stops today. I'm no longer his little fish, I'm the bait. When he's ready to bite I'll be here dangling my line. I only hope he's not to late.

Now I will focus on Austin and stop being foolish. Austin is ready to give me his all, but I just keep taking him for granted. Just a body to hold when I'm in need. I haven't been fair to Austin because I'm so consumed with London. Of course Austin doesn't know this.

It's time to give Austin my all. Let him have me completely. Give him the reins to own me. Open my heart to him. He has been nothing but good to me this time, while I have betrayed him in the worst ways.

My thoughts were always on another man.

Not anymore.

I allowed another man to touch what rightfully belongs to Austin now.

Never again.

As I pulled into my drive there was Austin by his pickup unloading plants I mentioned I would like to add to my garden. So good to me I thought.

Setting in my car, I took a moment just to take Austin in. He wasn't my dark, mysterious, Italian dream, but he wasn't hard on the eyes either.

Austin was magnificently built. He wasn't as tall or muscular as London, but his physique was nice. Definitely eye candy. His eye's was as blue as mine and had that traditional muddy water hair that's common in the south. Yes, Austin was a country boy through and through. A far cry from a big city mobster.

Enough.

Stop comparing the two. Their both great in very different ways. London is the past. Austin is the here and now.

I continued watching Austin work the garden. Trying to make us a home and life together. While I was away acting like a single woman.

Guilt consumed me and my eyes filled with tears. I can love Austin. I can give my heart to him. No more putting distance between us. No more constant traveling to stay away. It's time to put more effort in this relationship. I haven't seen Austin in almost a month. Time to stop making excuses.

Exiting my car, I walked in his direction. Slow at first but as the guilt and tears rained down on me, I picked up my pace until I was in a full fledged run.

Austin watched me as I flew into his arms holding him tight and crying. He immediately encircled me in his arms, stroking my hair.

"Laney, is everything okay. Why are you crying?"

Snuggling my face into his chest and fisting his shirt, I simply said "No. I just missed you, that's all. I missed home".

I breathed in his scent. It wasn't London's clean, fresh scent, but it wasn't suppose to be. Austin had a musky outdoorsy scent. I can like this.

Looking up at Austin through my wet lashes I smiled. "Sorry for my meltdown".

"Don't be. It was sweet, and I missed you too".

Leaning down, he  placed a peck on my lips. No, I thought. I can give him more. I can give him all of me. Pulling his head back down, I crushed my mouth to his. As my tounge circled his, London popped into my mind.

No. I pushed thoughts of him away. You don't own me anymore London. You can no longer claim me. I'm Austin's heart, body, and soul. Goodbye London.

Breaking the kiss, Austin arched his brows with a questionable look. "You sure your okay babe? Anybody's ass I need to kick?"

Chuckling, I  replied "no, just missed you. That's all". Grabbing his hand, I led him inside and to our room. I begin kissing him again while sliding his shirt over his head. Austin slid my dress off as his hands roamed over my skin. His hands wasn't like London's. 

London's was smooth yet firm. Austin's was rough from construction work. We fell back on the bed with Austin laying on top of me. He grinned "maybe you should go off more offten if this is how your going to come home".

Cupping his face in my hands, I whispered "claim me Austin. Make me yours".