Hypnotic ✔️

39• In the mind of a Donati.

" we'll find each other,
In the meadows of misery,
Or the bubbles of joy,
We will find each other."

〰

Adrian

I for some reason unknown to me cannot get the image of her crashing down, heart broken. It was supposed to feel good, satisfying, but why doesn't it fucking feel so? I seem to feel bad, and there seems to be an unexplainable pain in my chest. I need to visit Dr. Kemp for a routine check up.

She usually skips food when we have fought, but she went to the kitchen to eat something. But it's not like we fought, I rejected her sorry ass. That is what it is. I don't like her. She means nothing to me.

It's annoying how she is asleep. Her soft breathing infiltrating my senses, and I cannot help but miss lying beside her, her head resting on my chest, her hands fisting a part of my sweatshirt tightly. She is not supposed to sleep after what happened.

Yet she is.

Sighing she changes sides, turning from left to right, her breathing deepening just for a split second and returning back to normal. I wanted her to get away from my life, I still do. But I cannot seem to stop myself from threatening her to come to the office.

She is right, I can change the company policies as I please. I'm the fucking owner, but I don't want to. I want to see her writhe in pain, looking at me happy as ever, looking at what she has lost. Yes that's it, I want to see her in pain, and that is the only reason I am letting her be around me. Nothing else, just that.

I close my eyes for some seconds and open them. Sleep seems to be on her side today instead of mine. No problem. If I cannot sleep, then she should not be able to. I push the blanket off me, still refusing to confront my self as to why I let her have the bed and took the couch myself.

I paddle over to the bed, my resolve strong to shake her awake, or pour a glass of ice cold water on her sleeping form but as I reach there, every thing seems to stop. I can't bring myself to shake her awake. But I am supposed to be able to, right? So why can't I?

Suddenly her brows seem to furrow, and a soft but scared whimper escapes her lips. Her grip on the blanket tightens and her forehead is lined with drops of perspiration. Is she having the nightmares again? Because of me? Oh god, what have I done!

"No, don't leave me please. Mamma left, Dadda left, not you. Never you. Please God no, please don't take him away from me. I love him so much. I love you, can you hear me? NO!"

She screams and sits up, now very awake, her breathing rugged and uneven, her hands on her chest, clearly showing she is terrified. Her eyes meet mine, as I clear my throat, pretending to switch off the bed lamp she keeps lit.

"What are you doing here?"

"Are you blind, kitten? I'm trying to switch off this lame light you keep on."

"Don't do that. What will it take to make you stop bothering me? Do you want to vanquish my body again? Do you want to break my already shattered heart again? Because if so. Go ahead. Do that. I will not stop you, but just please leave me the hell alone."