Desire - ATEEZ Mingi

20

Yeeun's POV:

My knuckles were white as I tightly clasped my shaking hands together. I clenched my jaw, annoyed with a continuous tapping sound until I realized it was my own foot tapping nervously against the tiled floor.

I was sitting in a black chair, a piece of glass in front of me with a phone resting next to it. Next to me sat the family and friends of prisoners who were sitting directly across from them. It was frightening to be so close to criminals. I refused to let myself wonder about the possible crimes they'd committed.

I shouldn't be here. This is a mistake, a voice in my head repeated to me. But for some reason, I stayed in that chair, waiting for my father to sit down across from me, on the other side of that glass.

I knew I didn't want to be there and that my mother would probably freak out if she knew about me visiting her ex-abusive husband. But I also knew that I needed to do this. I needed to meet my father.

I flinched when the large door on the side of the glass squeaked open. A man in orange scrubs came out with an officer at his side. He looked utterly confused and a little bit angry.

Immediately, I recognized those eyes. They were the same ones I'd seen in that picture I found of my mom and dad. I felt my heart begin to race as it hammered against my chest.

The officer told the man something, then gestured to the spot opposite of mine on the other side of the glass. Suddenly, his eyes darted over to me and I froze, feeling my heart stop. What am I doing here? I asked myself.

He looked completely puzzled, but slowly approached me, sitting down in the chair and peering at me through the glass. Slowly, he lifted the phone piece off the wall so that he could speak to me. Reluctantly, I mirrored his actions.

"Who are you?" He asked. My breathing hitched at the sound of hearing my father's voice for the first time. It was deep, but not too deep and a little gravely.

"Uh--I--" I stuttered, my voice shakier than I'd ever heard it. He raised his eyebrows at me. Taking a deep breath, I swallowed my nerves and tried to speak again.

"M-my name is Yeeun Kim," I began. Immediately, I noticed him perk up at the sound of my name. I heard him take in a sharp breath through the phone.

"I-I'm your daughter," I stuttered, bracing myself for his reaction. His mouth fell open just a bit as he gazed at me, wide-eyed. "Yeeun..." He whispered in awe. "My Yeeun."

A small smile spread across his face as his eyes scanned over every inch of my face.

"Gosh," he said. "You look so much like your mother. So beautiful." I frowned at the mention of my mom. The woman he abused so horribly.

"You hurt her," I blurted, no longer in awe but instead, upset. "Didn't you?" The smile vanished from his face. His eyes dropped for a moment as he slowly nodded.

"Yes. I did." He muttered, clearly in embarrassment. I wondered if his embarrassment meant that he felt sorry for everything he'd done.

A sudden question sparked in my mind and I couldn't help but ask.

"Why?"

His eyes lifted to meet mine, very slowly. I pursed my lips, studying him carefully. He no longer looked as if he was in awe. Instead, his expression was neutral and unreadable.

Then he released as sigh, leaning forward a bit in his chair. "Now, why would you want to know something like that?" He questioned, eyeing me. I swallowed hard, quickly searching my brain for something to say to him.

I figured that if my dad to explain why he'd ever want to hurt my mother, then maybe I'd understand why Mingi treats me the way he does. But I refused to tell my father, who I'd practically just met, about my complicated relationship with Mingi.

So, I too leaned forward a bit in my chair, feeling a wave of bravery collapse on top of me. "Because," I began. "You had no right to treat my mom so terribly. She told me about everything you did to her. She even told me about how you raped her." I paused. "And I think I deserve an explanation as to why you would do so many terrible things to my mother."

My father raised his eyebrows in surprise, then frowned, dropping his gaze once more.

"I know it sounds terrible," he said quietly. "But I really did love your mom. And I still do, even to this day." He paused, looking back up at me. I almost scoffed. Then I almost laughed, shaking my head.

"I know it sounds crazy," he interrupted me. "But you need to hear me out." I stared at him harshly. I felt brave, knowing that he wouldn't be able to do anything to hurt me with that piece of glass between us.

I wish I had that glass in between me and Mingi when we're together.

"Go ahead," I said, leaning back in my chair, readying myself for whatever my dad was about to say. He took a deep breath.

"The first time I hit her, I truly didn't mean it," he began. "Work was stressing me out at the time and one night when I came home, she just--" he paused, furrowing his eyebrows. "She just wouldn't leave me alone. She wanted to help me, but all I wanted was to be left alone." He took another pause.

"Eventually, I completely lost my temper and I slapped her. Then I stormed off without even apologizing," he said. "Everything went downhill after that. Every time I got angry about something, I would take it out on her. Things just got out of hand." I frowned.

"But why?" I asked again. He shrugged. "Because," he said. "At work, my boss was a jerk, but there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like nothing when I went to work every morning and all I wanted was to take over and show people how things should have been done. But I couldn't. However, I knew that things could be different at home and that I could be in charge for once. And I liked it. I liked the feeling of having power over someone."

My jaw fell. "That's your excuse?" I questioned accusingly. "Work was your excuse for raping my mother?" I scoffed, glaring at the monster that was sitting across from me. "You're disgusting."

Just as I was about to slam down the phone, get up, and leave, my horrible dad's voice stopped me. "Yeeun, wait!"

I huffed out an exasperated sigh, lifting the phone to my ear again. "What?" I spat. He gazed at me with helpless eyes.

"I know now that what I did was wrong," he said. "And I'm so, so sorry for everything."

I rolled my eyes. "Why are you apologizing to me? My mom's the one that had to go through hell because of you. Apologize to her, not me."

And with that, I slammed down the phone, stood up, and marched off.