Internal Hell

Ward 20: Hold Me

"Hell is a place, a time, a consciousness, in which there is no love".

-Richard Bach
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"I can't believe my son married you,look at you,look at you"
This was the perfect time for Mrs.Pia to unleash her hatred to Harix's chosen wife,to Nana's choice rather.

She thought that her Paula would be the one for her son,but her mother-in-law ruined it.And now she buried the arrow of disappointment in her heart.She was disappointed and discouraged to Harix and to his Nana.

"No, don't touch my hijab!" Drayan screamed,she didn't use to be treated harshly, since she ran away from Mrs.Parsa's home Harix never treated her badly,but how could the man treat her bad when the man didn't even look at her? He didn't look at her as his wife, but as his patient.

"Madam please not her hijab Madam,she will panic if you will remove it"
Mrs.Kana begged,at first, she didn't like Drayan, but the innocent and silent woman was not difficult to love.She only threw a tantrum when she was hungry and when her head was showing her something bad fragments from her past .For Mrs.Kana the woman normal self was fragile, innocent, and harmless, and she witnessed it.

"I want to see if this woman has a beauty"

The madam didn't listen and continued on pulling off the scarf of the frightened woman.

"Mrs.Kana '' the three women heard Harix's voice and Madam Pia immediately stood far away from Drayan.

"What's happening here?"Harix asked but received no answer from the three women.

"Mrs.Kana?" Harix's voice this time was meant not to be ignored or else find your corpse inside the coffin,with a shaking voice Mrs.Kana answered.

"She is throwing a tantrum again young Effendi"

Harix looked at the woman who was still sitting firmly on the bed.He concluded that someone was attempting to get her hijab again,her reaction was similar when Mrs.Kana changed her black clothing.

"Why did you remove your hijab?"
Instead of inquiring to the wrong women,he asked the victim.

"I didn't remove it,it is my protection"

"Yeah you are right it is your protection from evil ey---"

"You know about hijab? You know about Allah?"From the moment Harix said those words,Drayan's attention was caught.She heard it before,these familiar words were already said to her by her Nono.

Harix could feel that the woman seemed wanted to engage in a deep conversation with him,so he signalled the other two women to leave so that they could talk freely .

"Allah is our creator ,the one who created everything"

"You talk like Nono,did you know him?" Drayan grabbed the necktie of his husband's black plain long sleeves and asked desperately.

Harix was not informed ahead of time of Drayan's action.And she was oblivious to her husband's frozen state.

For many years, he was able to maintain safe distance from female species and this was the first time someone held him like this again, not to mention that it was not a direct contact because what she was holding was just the necktie but what's bothering him was their proximity.If someone pushed Harix from the back, their two lips would meet.

His breathing all of a sudden became rapid and his hypothalamus was sending him a dangerous signal.He almost panicked with her sudden move, but he immediately remembered that the woman holding him was his own wife.He calmed himself mentally. And he realized that this was the first time he tried to fight his trauma and he miraculously beat it,or maybe he could really fight it, but he didn't try it before.

"I want to meet him"

"You need to calm down first" the truth was they both needed to tie their horses. They both had to calm down. He assisted the woman to sit properly again.

"He is somewhere we can't reach physically but our prayer can reach him"
Only few knew that he was a man of faith.The academy crafted him to be like that. But he only showed his knowledge when it needed. Because nowadays kindness, patience and good deeds if being performed publicly to some other people,to some people from the other faith and to some with no faith would misinterpret it as showing off.As if being kind,patient and good seemed like a crime.

"Is prayer a vehicle,so we can ride on prayer?" Drayan words were in rumbled, but she never stopped on inquiring him.This was new to Harix,but what he didn't know,Drayan was observing since she arrived to Harix's house.She was trying to smell a familiar scent.She was trying to test the water on whom she could ask,on whom she could trust.

She wasn't normal but the fact that she lived in Harix house unharmed for a long time, and she was being showered by the food that she learned to love, she started to feel safe.

She was starting to enter not only his house but also his arms like what she was doing at the moment.Her hands moved from his necktie,to his collar because she was desperate for the answer.

"Well it is like a vehicle that brings help to those who ask for help,and if you pray your Nono will be happy"

"I want to make my Nono happy but....I don't know how to pray"

"Do you want me to teach you?"

"Really?"

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And now the two finally teamed up,and Harix decided to share his Islamic knowledge,was this man sure that Drayan could only penetrate to his mind but not to his heart?