Internal Hell

Ward 24 : Cut Me

"Love is a slippery eel that bites like hell "

— Bertrand Russell

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"Harix!"

Harix's annem entered her son's house while unleashing her unpopular loud voice

"Annem?"

"Paula called,she told me you are ignoring her"

"I am a married man now, annem"
This was what Harix hated lately to announce to the world that he was married.

He had nothing to do with Paula.He had no obligation to receive her call, especially when he was already wearing a wedding ring. He had only talked to her when she needed his help,but aside from that, Harix could offer nothing.

"So what you could marry four"

The nerve behind Harix's ear suddenly moved,it started to get hurt.Her annem's tireless complaint always made his head hurt.

He didn't reply,he wished he wasn't the one who answered and opened the door.His day was already stressful and devastated because one of his patients who had a terminal disease passed away just an hour ago.

Her annem followed him to the kitchen.She had no plan to close her mouth.

"Until now, I couldn't understand why you need to marry that lunatic"

"Annem" Harix warned while opening the medicine cabinet,he was looking for a medicine that could cure his headache brought by stress and his mom.

"Your baba will be disappointed because you played with the sacred thing"

"I married her to cure her,I already explained this to you"

"You are not hero Harix,you can't cure everyone"

"I am a doctor annem,I am a doctor"

"Yes,yes,but why? Why did you need to chain yourself to this?...you deserve Paula, and also your Baba, he will not be happy to see you like this"

Mrs.Pia used Harix's weakness card,his baba.Every time his baba's name would be mentioned, he couldn't help but not doubt his decision. With spiral thoughts, he faced his mom and closed the fridge with a strong force, and then he asked...

"Did you think I want this?"

"Son" the annem got terrified when she saw her broken son

"I didn't want this, annem! I was forced to do this!"

Harix lost his composure and poured all the negative contents that blocking the tunnel of his heart for many months.His frustrations, disappointments,pain and sorrow, it was all out now, the container that he locked for so long was slowly cracking,it leaked, and it became too much and uncontrollable.But her annem had only seen his frustrated eyes, not his tired heart.Her annem didn't get what he meant because she really didn't know what forced her son to enter the crazy contract.

"If you don't want this, why did you let your Nana dictate your life?"
For her annem his dilemma was just simple as cutting the carrot into two. For her annem it was always easy to say no.

"It was not Nana who dictated me, it was fate,I am not happy to be in this state,I am not proud to marry a crazy lady"

He didn't mean it, but this was what he really wanted to say when his bachelor soul was being chained in to this crazy propaganda.Yes, this was what he felt before,but not now,but for the sake of explaining,for the sake of convincing his mom and for the sake of hiding what he truly felt he needed to recycle these words and said it to his annem.

And he was hoping that this time his annem would stop and let go of this unending topic.He wanted to put a period to his annem questioning glare, words of accusation and disappointed face.

He wanted to accept the new normal, the not so normal wife and the crazy foreign feeling. He wanted just to go with the flow and let the tide of trust to his Almighty carry him to the right shore.

He didn't want to ruin his relationship with his mom, that's why he wanted to put a period to her unending matchmaking.He was not a free man now, he was not free to love his annem's choice,he was already bound by the banal vow and as much as he hated to admit it he was became immune to his married life.

Their voices were loud enough but soft enough to maintain the respect. But someone heard them unintentionally, they weren't aware that Drayan was still in the kitchen's bathroom.

She was looking at them while holding the doorknob of the comfort room.She was looking at him as if she saw a broken art,an art piece that was drawn to delude people,to hide its meaning and to let the audience guess what it meant, but compared to those art piece it was sold for a cause while the man in front of her was sold to be broken.

She couldn't hate him because what he said was right,it was on point.She was unable to deny that their marriage was not a normal one.After Harix blurted the words that cut Drayan he finally noticed that his wife was there.

But there was no use in unsending the message that had already been read by the receiver.

"Sorry I didn't intend to eavesdrop,I just.."

"Go to your room"

The situation was hard, but instead of saying sorry, he commanded his wife to go to the room.In fact, it was his wife who said sorry instead.

Harix knew that at that moment he hurt two women but comforting his wife would cut his mom's heart,that's why he decided not to create any further damage.

To settle the word war with his mom, he drove her to their old home. Although Harix's mom still didn't understand Harix's reason,she forgave her son.For now, she would close her shotgun mouth and observed the shaky marriage of Harix.After she saw how Harix's words cut Drayan, she concluded that their marriage would not last. Before she thought there was a spark, but now she confirmed that the husband was not in love with his wife.

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The problems were slowly piling up, but he was sure that he could solve it, but what would he do when the real problem emerged?