Internal Hell

Ward 48 : Forgive Me

"Ask him,"she said, "why Muslim men treat women so badly."

"When I did, he said it was because men weren't reading the Koran properly"

- The telegraph, Carla Power

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"You miss the academy,that's why you allowed the wind to bring you here"

After Harix went to Drayan's house he took the route to his academy. He had two old men now to consult about heart problem,but he didn't want to stress his baba because he was still recovering. So maestro Frank was the best choice for now.

"In this academy I was not only taught about science and numbers,I was also taught to come here when I feel stray"
The academy was Harix asylum.Indeed it was a training ground for someone who was lost like him.

"What's bothering you?"

The maestro was almost going to bed but when he opened his office door, instead of seeing the wall,he saw a human.

"We are taught to attach our heart to Creator and not to creation but we are also taught to love each other"
Here he was again questioning his cruel fate. He was already accustomed to pain,but still he couldn't help but asked.

"Well you are right,but we are being taught to love the creation in Allah's way not on our own way"

"Why? and how?"

"because this is not our permanent home,so we should not attach ourselves to something temporary.If you accept that she is just a creation like you and anytime both of you will return to your Creator,you will cherish the moment and value each other"

"I failed to respect her from the beginning"

"We are being told that we have mates,maybe the woman troubling your heart is your mate"

"Can you call it destiny when it is a tragic story?"

"Well not all love story starts from love that's why there is love after marriage,son love is not about roses and rainbow,it is also full of thorns and sorrow,and some relationship breaks because they failed to accept that"

"Will she forgive me?"

"The dangerous trait of human is they are not like Allah,they will not easily forgive.But Drayan will forgive you soon but she will be shocked first,but after that if she loves you she will forgive and accept you,because she understands that you are young and lost that's why you did it,but if she doesn't love you she will still forgive you because you are the one who revived her faith"

"Because I am the one who killed it"

"But be thankful that Allah gave you a chance to fix it"

"You are right Maestro,maybe I need courage right now to go on without her"

"You can do it son,you need to give her time"

"I am afraid that she will not forgive me"

"What makes you scared? you already repented,Allah the merciful already forgave you,and maybe Drayan already forgave you,but I think it is you who couldn't forgive yourself,you created your own internal hell Harix...."

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Dealing with sexual assault was never easy.It was a hellish internal battle.It changed someone's normal self.It destroyed someone's perception of happiness.It put someone into hopelessness.A woman embodied by beauty,shape and flesh was not safe from forbidden human touch.A woman was the most attractive being on this earth,that's why they were used as an easy tool by shaitan to lead the men to commit an immoral act.Why not? It was easy to decorate and to beautify someone or something who/that already beautiful.

But the question here was how the victims,these women coped up with this inhumane violation of the soul?

Here's the thing,some of them change their sexual identity,from being a woman to lesbian,both still Eve but the clothes and action were looked like Adam just like Nory,Mrs.Kana's daughter and some women were like Drayan who used a baggy clothing or chose to wear the cloth of faith.But whatever the methods they were using it only meant one thing,the masculine look and the oversized cloak were being used to protect themselves,it's their way to protect the sacred internal being or their soul.

That's why it's important to understand,and to know what they were going through,maybe if we understood their hidden reasons we might be able to close our judgemental brain and respect them instead.

Be it a Lesbian,a Hijabi,a Niqabi and a sexy woman they were all Nisah with vulnerable souls created by almighty Allah. We must not closed the fact that everyone was suffering,but because you couldn't see it,didn't mean it's not there.

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Yukai signing off...✏

To my readers since day one
To my silent readers
To my loud readers

Thank you for joining me on my crazy endeavor,GRACIAS...❤

#December 2021

Ctto for the photo of my book cover.
My big respect to the owner of the photo🙇🏾‍♂️