I'm who I wanna be

Chapter 6 - Not even in the most creative dreams

      Indulgent is the best word to describe the attitude of the girls to my reluctance to reveal any part of my past to them. I did, however, let them know the way I was treated in general, so they could decide for themselves if it was worth wasting their time with me. I don't want to have a fake relationship of any kind, so it's better to let them know about some aspects to avoid fake smiles and greetings just out of politeness or not even that much. They proved to be more than supportive and they easily lifted my spirits by promising and assuring me that they were very open and had no reason to act so childish - as they had called the way of behaving of my former colleagues. The idea that two girls so receptive and talkative would have no problem approaching me would have been called a paradox by me. I would like to claim that I never dreamed of such an opportunity, but the truth is that I have always made a lot of scenarios in my mind, which were closer or further away from the current situation, but my deep wonder is still present.

      There's an uphill battle inside me about whether to accept Raine and Harlyn as friends without secrets, but I feel a certain reluctance that stems entirely from previous events. I don't know how I'll survive being indecisive, because if there's one thing I hate in the world, it's not having a clearly established path, a plan for the near future. However, for the past few months I have lived in total uncertainty, not even knowing where I will study until recently. Without wanting to, I contradict myself.

      I remember how we chatted all night about useless and funny things, so we went to bed at about two o'clock, when a group of about five girls walked in on us, all wearing face masks and two slices of cucumber in their hands. They were angry because we were making noise and they were trying to "meditate". If it hadn't been for them, we might have stayed up and continued our discussions about our hobbies and preferences. To be honest, I kind of got carried away, but for one reason or another I don't regret anything at the moment. I can't guarantee that I'll have the same opinion when I start thinking about everything that happened in more detail.

      Coming back to the present, I sit up, forcing my eyes to stay open, but the darkness favors sleep. I fumbled in the dark for my cell phone because I didn't dare pull the curtains or I would have woken up the girls and I can already sense that Raine is the grumpy type of person in the morning. With difficulty, I learn that it is a little past ten o'clock. I turn the phone's brightness down and check to see if the girls have been disturbed in the slightest, but they sit as still as before. I quietly rummage through the closet for clothes, narrowly avoiding the drawer where I'd forgotten Harlyn's shoes were. Luckily I had barely opened it when I remembered what was in it. I tiptoe to the bathroom, the light of the bulb blinding me, then I get dressed as fast as I can, because I see how the phone screen lights up, a sign that someone searches for me. I grab it and find out, to my utter surprise, that Nevin is calling me. I rush out into the hall, lock the door and answer it, surprised that it hasn't closed yet.

      He didn't even ask for my number, he saved his in my contacts when I left it on the bed while I was in their room chatting with Luke. That's the conclusion I drew, because otherwise I can't explain when such a thing would have happened. Yesterday I was wondering how Hale made friends with his roommates so quickly, but I even got the number of one of his roommates.