"We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love." (Robert Fulghum)
Moving...
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"I'm hungry," Lance complains, stopping in his tracks and casting pleading looks at us that fail to soften anyone, not even his best friend, who seems to be the most indifferent.
"If Nevin isn't here, it doesn't mean someone has to turn into him," I mutter, but no one pays enough attention to me to understand what I'm saying, except for Zayden.
This trip makes me see our relationship in an entirely new light because of all the obstacles that I thought we could face together, but they begin to look more like dead ends. As time passes and we are forced into situations where we have to pretend we're not even friends, I realize more and more that I overestimated myself, thinking that keeping my first relationship a secret would be a walk in the park. Moreover, there are the three witches who constantly breathe down our necks, making sure they don't reveal anything about us. Perhaps the solution would be to distance ourselves for a while so that the cheerful group thinks we've broken up, and also so that we can mentally prepare our friends for such a bombshell.
"Are you okay?" Raine asks, concerned, her face painted with a colossal frown, and her eyebrows almost glued together.
I force a smile, but Raine doesn't seem to believe me. However, she's never been the type to insist, and our friendship is somewhat based on this mutual understanding. Neither of us insists if the other isn't ready. Fortunately for me, none of our friends has paid too much attention to her interest in my emotional state.
We're almost at the guesthouse, so it won't be long before Lance can devour something. Lucky for him, he has coordinators who don't necessarily need to know the exact time you enter the shower, so he can make a detour to the store without being scolded, which he does, and we continue our way, deliberately or not, forgetting to notify him that we'll have lunch at a restaurant in the area.
In about twenty minutes, we sit at a table on a terrace, and Hale decides to be generous and share our location with Lance. We order drinks in the meantime, and to my surprise, both Zayden and I opt for a strawberry lemonade, which happens to be my favorite and which he tried on my recommendation.
Any small gesture that connects me with him makes me sweat as if I ran a marathon. I don't know how much longer I can live like this; we need to change something in our approach because lately, no matter how good I feel around him and how much I manage to escape worries, once we head in different directions, my mind gallops and guilt overwhelms me.
Throughout the meal, I don't utter more than two words, choosing to converse with Nevin through messages, who, once again, started working on homework at an inconvenient moment when I don't have my books and notes at hand to help him to the best of my ability. Nevertheless, I give him directions from memory, and he seems to be managing just fine with my guidance. Raine and Zayden seem to be aware that I'm not myself, and the fact that one of them is precisely the reason behind my current vulnerable and unstable state makes things worse. If Raine is willing to overlook it and not subject me to an interrogation, I won't escape Zayden's scrutiny. He's understanding, but he emphasizes that feelings should be discussed and sorted out instead of being left to simmer inside a person. I agree with him entirely, but it will be very challenging for me to acknowledge my recent emotions in front of him.
