I'm who I wanna be

Chapter 31 - The amusement park

      I let the water flow all over my body, caressing every inch of my skin. When I think about the twists and turns my life has taken in the past few months, it's almost as if I want to pinch myself, as if that would wake me up to reality. But the present moment far surpasses the fiction my subconscious would have woven. I did promise, though, that I would live more in the present and dwell less on the past, so I struggle to push aside thoughts of what was and transform them into ideas about the future. But does living in the present mean I shouldn't make plans for the future at all? Because if that's the case, I have serious problems. Being quite analytical, refraining from forming theories or thinking twice before opening my mouth is a little impossible for me. I only remember I'm in the shower when water gets into my eyes because I've been tilting my head back. I spread the shampoo on my scalp, massaging it, and then, due to the repetitive motion that doesn't require much attention, I drift off again, this time with a specific target in mind.

      Zayden. He took me by surprise all day yesterday, and in a way, I hope it won't be the last of its kind. By that, I mean I got answers to some of the more nagging questions and clarified our relationship to some extent, so overall, it was a successful day. He asked me to go at his pace, and I'm willing as long as I'm gradually accepted more into his world. The only thing I'm afraid of is that I'll discover the true reason behind my friends' hatred for him and that I won't be able to find any justification for it. I just hope I won't regret all the time spent with him.

      A knock on the door startles me and sends me into a panic, even though I remember I've locked it. My anxiety escalates as the person presses the handle, but it diminishes slightly when the door doesn't open, and I manage to breathe a sigh of relief. I don't entirely blame the person on the other side, as the water is turned off because I haven't finished spreading the shampoo, and also, the door lacks any kind of window to indicate that the light is on. Nevertheless, the person should have at least asked or apologized after nearly barging in on me.

      Bored and feeling a newfound desire to get out of the bathroom as quickly as possible, I rush to rinse off, then apply the conditioner at record speed and quickly rinse it off as well. I prepare the hairdryer to take it into the room, as apparently there's a line for the bathroom, although I haven't been in there for very long, and I can't compare myself to Harlyn in any way. I put on my bathrobe at lightning speed, then exit and am surprised to find Hale standing at the door, almost knocking me over. He closes the door behind him, and I continue with my business, deciding to forget this strange incident.

      I make my way to my room, having a mini heart attack as I'm greeted by a lounging Zayden on my entire bed. I can't help but notice how his T-shirt is slightly lifted due to his position, revealing a portion of his abdomen. I quickly avert my gaze, then remember that I only have a bathrobe on me, thanks to his eyes roaming from top to bottom, from my bare legs up to just above my knees and the unintentional cleavage, a result of the fact that the garment is a bit oversized. I see him shift his eyes quickly, for which I'm grateful. I tighten my bathrobe around me more, trying to cover as much skin as possible because with each passing second, I feel the blush on my cheeks worsening. However, I'm glad that Zayden is now looking directly into my eyes. I'll consider him a fairly polite person, and that glance was unintentional, just as mine were toward his abdomen because if I remember correctly, when Harlyn was dressed very scantily, he didn't fix his gaze where he shouldn't.