Modern family: Addition

Great expectations (2)

Scene: Pritchett household

Gloria : I don't understand why she's not falling asleep.

Alex : I have a theory.

Jay : I got the movie. Manny, why don't you go fire up some
popcorn? You looking for these?

Haley : You took my shoes?

Jay : No, I took your freedom. Sorry, it ain't your night.

Haley : Why are you being like this? I just wanted to go to that
party for like two hours. I would have been back by now! Would
that have killed you?!

Jay : She's just like her mother.

Gloria : Why are you treating Haley like this?

Jay : Me? She's the one acting like a pill.

Gloria : You're taking this too personally. When I was Haley's age, I loved my grandfather, but I still wanted to go to parties and be with boys.

Jay : I know, I know, so did Claire... and Mitchell. But you know what? You try to put something over on me, you're gonna lose.

Gloria : So what? Now you're gonna make this into a big game?

Jay : I'm trying to keep them around a little bit longer, that's all. Who knows how many nights like this I got left?

Luke : I miss you already!

Jay : What's wrong with this kid tonight? Go in the kitchen and
help out the guys, and I'll be right in.

Gloria : It's great that you want to spend time with your
granddaughter, but is this really the way?

Jay : Fine.

Gloria : You're a good abuelo. She's upstairs.

Jay : I know. Dylan.

Dylan : Yeah?

Jay : Get up. You're here to take Haley to the party, right?

Dylan : Yeah...

Jay : She's in the house.

Dylan : How did you know I was here?

Jay : This is how I first met Phil.

Haley : Thanks again, Grandpa. We'll be back by 11:00.

Jay : I will track you down.

Haley : I believe that.

Dylan : What's that smell?

Jay : Sloppy Jays. Help yourself. There's plenty left.

Dylan : Sloppy Jays because your name's Jay. Right on.

Manny : I can't believe she's into this guy.

Gloria : If you want, I'll fix you a plate.

Dylan : Yeah, definitely. That'd be great.

Haley : What about the party?

Dylan : We can go in just a minute. Just let... Oh, no way! "The Gunfighter"! I love this movie!

Haley : Dylan, the party.

Dylan : Oh, but... cowboys.

Gloria : Don't fight it, Haley. They never grow up.

Manny : I'm going to the kitchen for an espresso. Anybody need
anything?

Haley : No, thanks.

(Cut the scene)

Scene: In the bar

Cameron : This place brings back so many memories.

Sal : Get in here! Big bear! And my baby cub! Oh, my God! You
guys!

Mitchell : Look at you!

Sal : You notice anything different?

Mitchell : Your hair's longer, right?

Cameron : Did you get your teeth bleached?

Sal : Let me give you a little hint. Ba- boobs!

Mitchell : Oh, my God! Those are sensational!

Sal : I know. Right? You want to touch 'em?

Mitchell : I'm gay, not dead. Are you okay with this?

Cameron : Yeah, you're drinking a passion-fruit daiquiri.

Sal : Ok, get in there good.

Mitchell : I'm coming in!

Sal : I miss you two guys so much. So, so much. To us!

Mitchell : Yeah, to us!

Sal : To us, the three musketeers! Cabo!

Mitchell : What?

Sal : Seriously, you bastards, we've been talking about it forever. We're doing it! We're going to Cabo! Let's do it! Let's do it!

Cameron : All right, let's go!

Mitchell : Yes. That will be fun.

Sal : "Fun"? Are you joking? Margaritas, you guys, these guys. It's gonna be epic!

Mitchell : We need to find someone for Lily.

Sal : Okay; okay, how much are you gonna pay me to go make out with the waitress?

Mitchell : Wait. Which one? The old one or the young one?

Cameron : $10 for the young one, $20 for the old.

Sal : I am about to make 30 bucks.

Cameron : I'm just gonna go check on Lily.

Sal : Right now?

Cameron : It'll just take a second.

Sal : Well, I'm just... You're gonna miss me sluttin' it up with
Driving Miss Daisy.

Cameron : It'll just take a second.
Mitchell : Real fast.

Sal : You should kill that baby.

Mitchell : What?

Sal : You should call the baby. I love you guys so much!

Cameron : Did she just...

Mitchell : I'm scared.

Mitchell : I think she said "kill," Cam. I do.

Cameron : Maybe it was just a joke. She's always had a dark sense of humor.

Mitchell : That's true. Remember her Halloween costume?

Cameron : When she came as Siegfried and part of Roy?

Mitchell : It was too soon.

Cameron : This was just a joke.

Mitchell : Yes! Yes. Oh, here she comes. I'm gonna bring up Lily.
We'll see what she says.

Cameron : Show her some pictures.

Sal : Pay up, bitches!

Mitchell : More drinks.

Sal : Free drinks!

Mitchell : Sal, you've got to look at these pictures.

Sal : What are they of?

Mitchell : It's Lily at the zoo.

Sal : Oh, cute.

Mitchell : Look at that one.

Sal : Cute, cutie cute, cute, et cetera. So, you guys are gonna have to bring Lily to Cabo, now that you're the guys that always bring Lily.

Cameron : Well, you know... probably.

Mitchell : Yeah, probably.

Sal : I will throw her in the ocean.

Cameron : What?

Sal : I said I got to go pee.

Cameron : Okay, that wasn't even close.

Mitchell : Nope.

Cameron : I mean, what do we do? Do we say something?

Mitchell : How do we even bring it up? She threatened our child,
and that's your concern, a segue?

Cameron : You know what this is?

Mitchell : What?

Cameron : This is first-child syndrome. It's where the first child is happy, and then the second child comes along, and the first child gets jealous of the second child and starts acting out.

Mitchell : Yes, that's brilliant, except Sal's not our child.

Cameron : Well, think about it. We've practically done everything for her. We've held her when she's cried. We've carried her when she couldn't walk. We've done everything but potty-train her.

Sal : Hey, guy! I was thinking... Oh, sorry... that when we go to
Cabo, we have find a hotel with a swim-up bar 'cause this going
back and forth to the bathroom is a fool's game. Okay, let's get
more drinks.

Mitchell : Sal, Sal, we got to talk.

Cameron : It's about Lily.

Sal : Oh, shocker.

Mitchell : Do you think it's at all possible that maybe you're
jealous of her?

Sal : What?!

Mitchell : It's just... I don't know.

Sal : What?! Why would you say that?

Cameron : You won't look at any pictures of her, and you talked
about killing her and throwing her in the ocean.

Sal : That was a joke. You guys, come on! We're fine. Show me the pictures of Yoko.

Mitchell : See?

Sal : Okay, it's a joke. You guys, come on! Because she's Asian and she broke up our group.

Mitchell : I just... Let's at least acknowledge that things have
changed between us.

Cameron : And you know what? Because Lily's here doesn't mean we love you any less.

Mitchell : No, absolutely not.

Sal : We used to be really close, and you used to call me a lot. And now you never call me.

Mitchell : Well, but we...

Sal : And last week, I had a really bad dream, and I was thinking,
"Okay, I'm gonna call them," and then I thought, "Oh, no! You can't call them because "you might wake up their baby!"

Mitchell : You can always call. Oh, honey, always call us. I'm sorry
we haven't been there. We're here now, okay? Feel better?

Cameron : I think you just put a little spittle.

Mitchell : Did she just fall asleep?

Cameron : I wish Lily would do the same.

Mitchell : Give her eight shots of
tequila.

(Next day)

Sal : She is so sweet.

Cameron : Isn't she?

Sal : Like a little angel. Let me hold her.

Luke : Oh, thank God.