Modern family: Addition

Fears (2)

Scene: Pritchett- Tucker household

Cameron : Can I just say, that is a lovely outfit?

Dr Miura : Oh, thank you.

Cameron : Well, it's just nice to see you out of your lab coat. You
actually have quite a nice figure.

Mitchell : Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend, not initiate a three- way.

Dr Miura : Lily looks great.

Cameron : Do you think so? Shouldn't she have more teeth? I see these kids running around at the park, and they look like sharks.

Dr Miura : Don't worry. She's perfect. Aren't you, Lily?

Mitchell : Oh, look how calm she is with you. She's usually very
fidgety around new people.

Cameron : Well, I just think she senses you're gonna be a good
friend for her during in good times and - and flu season.

Lily : Mommy!

Cameron : Did she just... did she just say...

(Commentary)

Mitchell : Well! Her first word was every gay father's worst
nightmare.

Cameron : Mommy.

(Back to the scene)

Scene : At park

Gloria : But I know that Manny's sad because he's missing the pa
Why don't we take him somewhere to take his mind off it, hmm?

Jay : I could have guessed he'd have trouble with roller coasters. That kid gets woozy at barbershops when they spin his chair towards the mirror.

Gloria : How about we take him to the pier and go fishing, huh?
Manny!

Jay : He likes to fish?

Gloria : Yeah. He comes from a long line of fishermen and
smugglers. But I encourage the fishing.

Jay : Manny, you like to fish?

Manny : Fishing? Yeah.

Gloria : You want to go to the pier today?

Manny : Is this a trick to see if I'm really sick?

Gloria : No, maybe the fresh air will make you feel better.

Manny : Well, then, yeah, 'cause there's no place where I'm more
at one with...

Jay : Just get your coat.

Scene : At Driving Test site

Alex : Are you nervous?

Haley : Shut up, Alex.

Alex : I was just asking. I'd be nervous if I were you.

Claire : Alex, leave your sister alone. She's gonna be fine.

Haley : As long as I don't get the same guy. He's so mean!

Alex : You probably will.

Claire : You won't.

Haley : He hates me.

Claire : He doesn't hate you.

Haley : He yelled at me.

Alex : You drove into the bushes.

Haley : Oh, no, it's him. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Hi. Oh, thank god.

Driving Test Man : Well, come on. I don't have all day.

Haley : I'm gonna throw up.

Claire : Okay, no. This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna get in that car, put on your seat belt, And take three deep breaths and
relax. This guy sees hundreds of kids every day. He probably
doesn't even remember you, all right?

Haley : Okay. Okay.

Driving Test Man : Yo! Let'move it, two strikes.

Claire : That's more than three breaths, honey.

Scene : Dunphy household

Phil : See how much better this is? The truck goes in, it has camcorder on it. it gets video, and then we get a preview of whatever's in there. How ingenious is that, huh

Luke : Are you too scared to go in?

Phil : Why would you say that?

Luke : Well, when you stuck your head in, you screamed a little.

Phil : I told you, that was the house settling. Besides, this is so
much cooler. This is how NASA does it. Now, hand me the itty
bitty booklight. Yeah. Final piece of the puzzle. Blast off!

Luke : Hey, dad?

Phil : Yeah?

Luke : How are you supposed to steer if you don't know where
you're going?

Phil : Stay in the present, buddy. Got to do it by feel. You got to get
all Jedi on it. Uh-oh.

Luke : Did you just lose my truck?

Phil : No.

Luke : You just lost my truck!

Phil : No, I didn't!

Luke : That was my truck! Grandpa just gave it to me!

Phil : I told you to stay in the present!

Luke : Stop yelling! Truce?

Phil : Yeah, sorry.

(Cut the scene)

Scene: Pritchett- Tucker Household

Dr Miura : This is delicious.

Cameron : Oh, thank you. The recipe's from the now-defunct
gourmet magazine. Why do all the things I love go away?

Dr Miura : Look, I don't even think she said the "m" word.

Cameron : No, we heard it. It was clear as day. I-I just don't know
what we've done wrong. I quit my job so I could stay at home with
her, but maybe it's not enough. Maybe we're not providing her
with the feminine energy that she needs.

Dr Miura : Yeah, I wouldn't be too concerned about that.

Cameron : You -- you know it's because you're Asian, right?

Mitchell : Cam!

Cameron : No, I'm sorry. What, am I just supposed to ignore the
giant panda in the room.

Dr Miura : Pandas are from china. I -- well, it doesn't matter.

Mitchell : Okay, okay, um, I think what my hysterical partner is
just trying to say... And if I may... That for the first six months of
her life. Lily was raised by very loving Asian women in an
orphanage, with whom she clearly bonded, you know. And then suddenly you come in with all of your... Asian-ness and… and… and breasts and womb, lady bits, And it … it all just comes
rushing back to… to her, And...

Dr Miura : You guys are overreacting. I'm sure Lily just strung a couple of random syllables together and they happened to sound something like that word, But that's all.

Cameron : Do... do you really think that?

Mitchell : Of course! Yeah, she... she's right. She's right. We're
being ridiculous.

Cameron : We're being ridiculous. Your daddies are being
ridiculous.

Lily : Mommy!

Cameron : Okay.

Dr Miura : Mr. Tucker?

Cameron : No, no, she's - she's - she's made her choice. She's made her choice.

(Cut the scene)

Scene : Hayley driving car

Driver Test Man : Uh, left turn.

Haley : Here?

Driver Test Man : At the intersection, yeah.

Haley : Okay.

Driver Test Man : Left.

Haley : What?

Driver Test Man : I said, "left." you're going right.

Haley : Wait! No, wait! I'm trying, okay?!

Driver Test Man : Pull over.

Haley : No, I can do this!

Driver Test Man : Pull over now! Why are you crying?

Haley : why do you hate me?

Driver Test Man : Oh, hell. Haley, I don't hate you. You seem like
a nice girl. You remind me of my daughter, which is why I want
you to live a long and happy life and be safe, and not hurt my
daughter.

Haley : I really want my license. I've been practicing a lot, I swear.

Driver Test Man : You gonna drink and drive?

Haley : No, sir.

Driver Test Man : You gonna text and drive?

Haley : No, sir.

Driver Test Man : All right. Let's start this from the beginning.

Haley : Could you smile first? I'll be less nervous if you smile.
Okay, that didn't help.

Driver Test Man : Just go.

(Cut the scene)

Scene: At park

Manny : Today feels like a good day for halibut. Hey, Jay, did I
ever tell you about the time I used peanut butter and jelly for bait
and I caught a thresher shark?

Jay : I don’t know, you tell me a lot of funny things.

Manny : Why are we going this way?

Gloria : It's just another way to.

Manny : Uh-oh. Something's going on.

Jay : What are you talking about?

Manny : Wake up, old man. She's trying to get me on that roller
coaster.