Mr & Mr Hitman

Accepting my Flaws

Blood trickling down his mouth from his nose, hair all over the place with his clothes so messy; It looked like Cameron wasn't himself and I hated that.

I hated the fact that even if we poured out all of our hearts to each other the night prior, he was still able to hide every single thing he did so painlessly.

I hated the fact that he was making me feel.

An amalgamation of emotions, flowing like hot boiling lava suffocatingly craving to explode out of its magma.

The sight before me made my blood burn since in my head - Vixen was invincible to the world, and I was the only one who knew about his locked away pain. Yet, he shamefully allowed himself to get hurt, and had the audacity to hide it from me as well.

I was wrong to act like I did. I shouldn't have insulted him and I know, even today, that my words probably still sting him. That was our first confrontation, solely because I am unable to figure myself out.

And I only dug the grave deeper from that point. And you know it damn well reader, I deserve to be slapped.

I was jealous of Olivia. How dumb does that sound.

She is pretty, so compassionate with her son, strong and above all, Cameron liked her. And obviously since I don't know the difference between romantic and platonic, I went out and created a scenario for myself.

Nights were spent with me just reminiscing about their future perfect life. He would move in with her family, just below my flat. They would have dinners together, and occasionally invite me. Nathaniel would call Cameron "papa" ; a grown man like myself yet I couldn't brush these thoughts away. All that because of one fucking guy. A guy I don't even want to mention.

I allowed no one to flirt with Cameron - I still don't and man I didn't know I could be such a jealous specimen. Y'all remember the scene with the barman? I just wanted to wreck his face in glass right there if only Cameron wasn't that wasted. And that Spanish guy who went and grabbed my lover's shoulder a bit too aggressively? I remember everything.

And Matthew Field was engraved in my mind. If there were any witnesses, Lord have mercy on them. How are you going to beat my boyfriend to a pulp and propose to literally sell him and expect me to just leave like nothing ever happened?

I realized then how easily it was for someone to just perish. I realized how easy I could have lost my man. A fear only my victims could feel thus far.

I mean I don't feel even an ounce of guilt for the fellonies I committed and will commit but now I just know not to let Cameron embark on dodgy shit alone.

We're colleagues now. How cool is that. With turns of events and so many conflicts, we're still ending up as one in any way, shape, and form.

I have countless of things I want to do with him.

Well, we already committed murder together so I'm not sure what else could bring us closer.

Cooking maybe?

The kitchen will burn down but, ay, risks are worth it.

Oh and I have countless of things I want to do to him.

And continue that episode of interrupted self-discovery we shared.