How to Survive South Park

Ashes to Ashes

Dovah's POV:

"But why? We were doing so well, Dovah!" Butters argues but I stand my ground.

"This isn't the right way of handling it, Butters. We only made things worse by doing what we did. Hell, I literally resorted to nuking everyone on both sides for a so-called victory during the last battle!

I'll be blunt. We were becoming no better than the people we were trying to destroy. We damn near tore the entire world apart during our rampage and I refuse to go any further with this. Nahkriin is fucking done." I state firmly and Butters storms off right after.

'Well, 2 for 3 isn't bad I guess.' I ponder as I watch Butters stomp away.

Kyle was down for stopping since he agreed things were getting way too out of hand. Cartman also had enough but he looked far more hollow and dead inside then Kyle when I talked to him about it.

I guess everything that's happened over the years finally broke him. Maybe I should try and get him into therapy...

Actually, forget that idea. The last time Eric Cartman went to therapy, he googled his therapist's social media accounts, found out who his wife was, messaged her forged police reports about sex crimes her husband supposedly committed (which he probably prepared beforehand just in case the therapist pissed him off), and managed to convince her into killing herself despite not having any contact with her whatsoever.

This was all done in less than a minute by the way. All because the therapist made the very poor decision of calling Cartman fat. Only South Park kids can get away with that and not have their lives ruined right after (excluding Scott Tenorman).

Season 15 Episode 4, "T.M.I.". This was also the episode where all the 4th grade boys decided to measure the length of their dicks and display the results on the school bulletin board. That was Cartman's idea by the way.

Speaking of episodes in the show, Season 22 Episode 8's "Buddha Box" never happened because South Park was too busy being taken over by a backstabbing, member berry-infested United States government to give a shit about spending quality 1 on 1 time with their phones.

The two part finale does eventually happen a bit after the town is rebuilt (again) with an Amazon center being built as well and the majority of the town's adults working there after a short while.

The Amazon strike and riots also happen like in canon (albeit a bit later than canon) with Craig and Wendy being especially pissed off at the lack of orders being fulfilled.

(A/N: They were shown protesting with other pissed customers in Season 22 EP 9-10)

It doesn't help that they were recently brainwashed by the member berries before this happened. They were freed thanks to Cthulhu and his followers, but they haven't forgotten about it or what they did while being influenced by them. The other guys in Team Craig were still furious about that too and used this chance to let out some steam.

I debated revealing Imaginationland to them but I don't want everyone becoming super dependent on it. Kyle and Butters bug me about it enough as is. Cartman is surprisingly quiet about it but that's probably because he's too busy being depressed.

The guy barely insults anyone anymore and hardly ever reacts to being insulted as well. Take the incident at South Park Elementary a few days ago for example. For some context, we all had to do a class project involving 'Family Trees' (you basically get pictures of a few generations of your family and glue them on a poster board in a tree shape).

Instead of a tree, Cartman decided to bring in a potted 'family cactus' because in his words, "Everyone on it is a PRICK!"

"Including you?" Craig then clarified and about half the class snickered right after.