Heal Me or Let Me Die

Chapter - 12

“Mama!!”

“Mama…!!”

Xiao Zhan called out to Mrs. Xiao, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't realize her son was calling her. Keeping her hands from trembling, she looked down at the blank side of the sheet and her fingernail was digging deep into the sheet, scratching it to the point of tearing.

Seeing his mother lost for so long made him worry for her. After the said doctor left from there, he saw her in this condition. She was awkward from then on, avoiding looking at him when talking or simply muttering answers, but never letting him out of her sight. Even when the nurse came to change clothes and give Xiao Zhan a sponge bath, his mother stayed there and looked at him with such sadness that a feeling of guilt crept into him.

It was not that he was not aware of the troubles that had happened to her for the last few days because of him, the hurt she went through to hear his cries. Indeed, he was the one who was in pain during these days. However, it was also true that he was the one who was taking sedatives and slept for hours, unaware of everything that was happening around him, even of his own pain.

But can the same be said of his mother, who used to see him lying lifeless all the time, crying out in pain when he was not sleeping? She was suffering from mental trauma at this age.

“…..Mama” He called her again, held her hand, and stopped it from moving which startled her. She awoke from her trance with a jolt and began to examine Xiao Zhan curiously, as a pattern she had developed these days and was currently becoming a habit.

"Is it hurting again? Where's the pain?" she asked anxiously.

Xiao Zhan shook his head.

“Are you thirsty or do you need something to eat?" She tried to get out of bed to do whatever her son asked for, but Xiao Zhan pressed harder on her hand as a sign that he did not want her to leave. To tell this, he shook his head and said that he did not want anything. He simply wanted her mother to be beside him.

Accepting his wish, she again sat down beside him took his hand in hers, and started massaging his wrist which seemed a little swollen. She wanted to do it with the other one too but was afraid of hurting it as it was still attached to the IV needle even though the IV drip had been removed from it. "Then... what is this A-Zhan?"

“Where were you lost? I called you but you were not listening. What are you thinking, mama?” At first, Xiao Zhan hesitated for a moment whether he should ask, but then asked in a low voice because he wanted to know what was bothering her.

“No… not anywhere. I wasn't thinking of anything.” Mrs. Xiao said, but the caution was evident in her voice.

“I know something is bothering you, mama. What is it?” Freeing his wrist from her hold, he held her palm against his and tried to know again.

“No..no!! Nothing is bothering me. What could have bothered me when my son is here with me?" She said ruffling his hair which made Xiao Zhan let out a gasp of irritation.

She sighed, thinking that it would distract her because how could she tell what was bothering her?

She remembered the time when she was in the bathroom. She heard some noises from the room and thought that maybe the nurse had come to check on Xiao Zhan. But just as she was about to open the door, her son's unbelievable words reached her ears and his every word made her tremble inside.

He could not believe his ears. The hope she wished to come true someday, the prayer she prayed for him with every breath, was nothing for her son. Xiao Zhan did not want to undergo treatment. Her son did not want to recover. He did not want to stand on his feet again. This pained her from the depths of her soul. However, the irony was that she could not even share her pain with him. It would shatter him more.