Heal Me or Let Me Die

Chapter - 22

On a bright day, the sun shining with all its might can blind the vision as much as it can, yet its warmth is warming the souls roaming beneath it. A boy, completely wet, was running on the warm sand, making zigzags with his steps and watching those little patterns being washed away by the raging ocean waves, coming towards him at full speed. He ran in the same way, leaving another zigzag, cheerfully. He looked back and threw a fierce glance at those feral waves, challenging them to follow him and making those new patterns invisible as well.

It was like a game for them which they had been playing since morning. It's their way of conversing but to others, it was a silliness what the boy was doing alone. Challenging the sea? Who has done this?

But what they failed to see was the interaction… between them.

As listening to the boy and accepting his challenge, the waves intensified. They rose again with their full strength and hit the seashore, roaring. This produced a thumping sound, created with high pitch notes; yet failed to touch the new steps built by its owner. The boy turned around to hear the sound with a dazzling smile. Another jingle of laughter echoed in the air and at the same time high roars filled the whole atmosphere with a harmonious melody.

Giggling, he jumped on his feet and moved on to come closer to the shore where the waves met him. He kneeled and extended his hand to touch the water that was now soaking his feet, filling his heart at ease. As a mother caressed her child's face with a loving smile, he tapped the water with his hand the same.

“Are you tired of playing with me for so long?" he mumbled, dipping his hand into the raging water and tapping on it as if he were patting his loved one. "Then let’s take a break. We’ll continue it later."

Saying this he got up and went away from the shore. It seemed that his words had made magic, and the untamed waves had now started slowing down and were becoming still and calm. In the end, the competing souls regained their sobriety after challenging each other for a long time. He smiled to feel the calmness of the water bubbles still running on them.

Today, he was happy and felt at peace. Don't know for what reason, but he knew he was feeling this way after an eternity. His heart was warm and the ripples of emotions inside him were calming down too like those outside waves. Thinking it might be because he had spent time here heartily, after a long time, he didn't think much of it and jumped to his feet, humming a tune he didn’t even know where he had listened to it before but it was the harmonious vibe from it which was soothing the storms of his heart. His feet, leaving the traces of new steps, took him away from his companion.

Just walking away slowly, drowning in his thoughts, he shivered feeling a strong chill in his body. He stopped in his tracks when he felt a presence behind him.

Curiously, he turned around to find out who it might be. All he knew was that he had been the only one here since morning. Then who could be the one whose presence he was feeling?

Looking back, he found that no one was around him; not a single soul of a human or any other species. He explored the space, turning his gaze everywhere yet only emptiness was what he met with, except those waves that were his companion a few moments ago.

It was a deserted area, abandoned by everyone…just like him whose loved ones also went away leaving him alone there.

‘Do I have an illusion again?’ He thought to himself, finding no one there. Seeing things that did not exist around him had been his habit nowadays and now he had become used to it. So, without paying more attention to it just when he was about to take a step to turn around, his eyes widened with shock landing on the way he had come, noticing a twisting pattern imprinting on the wet sand, right behind his own.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. There was a track of another footstep; along with his steps with the same pattern. His gaze followed the track and they ended up just one step behind where he was standing. ‘How it could be possible when there was no one, not even a lost soul? Then who is the owner of these traces?’ He questioned in his mind.

He looked around again, hoping that there would be someone who might have escaped his sight even though no one could even run at light speed. But all his efforts went in vain. None was there.

Do they just vanish in thin air? He got goosebumps thinking about what could it be that was still not visible around him.

He thought for minutes, exploring the area once again with sharp gazes but found nothing except those mysterious footsteps. He thought and thought. Then as a light, something flashed in his mind thinking of all possibilities and he took two steps forward and stopped. He turned and looked back.

To be surprised would be an understatement when he saw that the other pair also moved and stopped behind him. He felt a chill run through his whole body and made him scared a little and excited as well. He took more steps and another followed him again and the game went on, letting the cheerful but mischievous boy enjoy it.

What amused him most was that those pairs never stood beside him. Always one step behind him as they were there to catch him in case he slipped and fell. This thought evoked an anonymous sensation inside him.

Despite getting terrified by those steps whose owner was as invisible as air, his heart replenished with warmth. A sense of security, contentment, and protection incited in him and all his fears, insecurities, and concerns vanished as if they had never been there. He felt contented and happy.

The feeling of being safe was enough for him to become more carefree and he ran around with childlike excitement to see if those steps disappeared being tired or still being there for him. But to his surprise, they did not stop hanging out with him, chasing him and this was the confirmation that the boy needed.

With the brightest smile he'd ever given to anyone, he stopped at his feet, turned around to face his invisible companion, and spoke with gleaming eyes, hope echoed in his voice. "Are you there to protect me?"

There was no answer but the boy felt that he got to know what he wanted and got what he needed. Still, expecting a verbal assurance he ran away once again, shouting.

“Can I trust you?”

                     ***********

Xiao Zhan woke up, feeling a slight warmth on his face. The sun rays were peeping through the curtains, still covering most of the window, touching the pale skin of his face, which made him glow despite all its discoloration. The room was fully lit and he fluttered his eyes to adjust his pupils to the brightness.

His first glance was met by the colorful ceiling covered with beautiful floral designs instead of the white walls that he used to see during his stay in hospitals most of the time and it was certainly not a short period. When he looked around, he found himself in a room not so big, surrounded by wooden walls but neat and clean.

A medium-sized wooden wardrobe was placed in the right corner and a large mirror was placed between the wardrobe and the wall. In the middle of the room, apart from a bed, there was a drawer with a clock and a table lamp on it. A chair was lying beside the bed.

He looked at everything with inquisitiveness.

Over the years, he had almost forgotten what a normal space looked like other than those white colorless prisons or his bedroom, which he, once, loved living there. He had decorated it the way he wanted it since childhood. 

He put everything he liked and found of his interest in his room and never let anyone change a small thing from it without his consent. Whenever, by mistake, anyone did it, they had to face an angry bunny to tear them with his sharp glares and tantrums that no one wants to face.

The saying that the most cheerful person can be scariest if he gets angry is perfectly suitable for him. That’s why no one wanted him to be in his perilous form.

Until that person came into his life and he built his little nest with her and decided to bring her into his world so that she would be a part of it wholeheartedly; allowing her to have all her ways in his heaven and his life.

His room was his paradise.  But... now even his paradise scared him that whenever he was there, he could not breathe in his most precious and safest sanctuary which he had built with his own hands dreaming about his future with his certain person who was no longer to be a part of it now. And without her, that place was no longer a bliss for him.

Dream!!

The word snapped something in him and his head started throbbing when he recalled the dream he had seen, now. What was that? His heart again filled with the feeling of protection. But why? He thought. Why he was not scared of seeing those things in his dream? What was this feeling and what was with his unusual dream?

Unusual?

Yes.

Why?

Because…….

Having him a dream, so joyous and full of laughter, was unusual for him. He couldn’t dream like this for years. Then how he did do now?

He knew he had got used to it for the last three years. Dreams or nightmares….whatever it was called. Every day he woke up from his sleep with a trembling body, a thumping heart, a throbbing head, a face drenched with sweat, and eyes filled with tears, he knew those were the nightmares that were not going to leave in this life. No matter how much they made him scared and his heart full of remorse, still those had become his companions on his lonely nights.

Sometimes, he also had a sweet smile with shining eyes after waking up and those were the rare times when he had a dream of his sweet memories playing in his subconscious mind. But as soon as he got to face reality with his open eyes his smile twirled into bitterness and his eyes plung with pain. He never got a chance to feel delighted for so long as he was feeling now.

What was now with this new feeling?

It was the first time when he got this feeling from his dream. Rather than compressing his heart with panic and guilt, it took him into its protection. A sense that he had been missing so long. His eyes glistened with tears but astonishingly, there was no pain in those beads. In fact, they were replenished with satisfaction and comfort.

His heart got heavy thinking that he still could have felt this way too. He thought he had forgotten what it felt to be happy, to be contented. Then how is it happening now? The carefree laugh from his dream was still ringing in his ears. The contentment of having someone beside him was still there to make his heart warm. The elated feel of walking, jumping, hopping, or bouncing on his feet was also there making his numb limbs itch to throw the blanket aside and do the same.

But alas!! He couldn't do it anymore. Not at all in this life!

How long had it been since he actually did this? He lost count of how much suffering he had undergone so far and how much more was left in his life. Though he never complained and endured every pain silently thinking that he deserved it. But at times he wanted to end everything and take a long sleep in peace. He didn't want to do anything else.

And there is this dream that stirred a long-forgotten fervor in him and now he was struggling with it.

To get rid of all those conflicting thoughts, he shook his head and looked aside to find out what kind of place he was in when he flinched with the sound of a click, and the door opened wide, introducing a figure who had a plastic basin in his hands and a towel on his shoulder, stood between the wide-opened door upright with a charming smile.

“Let’s make a deal!!”

A voice snapped in his mind a reminder, making him aware of his whereabouts but he still needed a confirmation.

“Good Morning, Xiao Zhan! Did you sleep well?” Approaching him, Wang Yibo put the basin on the floor and smiled at him. Xiao Zhan has seemed still in the daze rummaging through his mind and thinking about various things after waking up. He just blinked his eyes as he was too confused to notice anything. Wang Yibo saw his confusion and let him contemplate whatever he was thinking. He waited there silently.

Not getting any response from the dazed person, Wang Yibo went to the window and moved the curtains aside from it so that the sunlight could fully enter the room and engulf it in its warmth. He opened the window and the sharp wind came with warm flashes, making Xiao Zhan tremble with the cold.

"C...cold" inadvertently, the words spilled out of his mouth, giving Wang Yibo a quick turn to see the source of the stammer. That was when he saw that the blanket covering Xiao Zhan had slipped down his chest and he was shivering in his thin nightshirt.

Wang Yibo immediately shut down the window and headed towards Xiao Zhan, picking up the blanket and placing it on his shoulders. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I forgot you're not wearing warm clothes." He spoke apologizing for his mistake. Xiao Zhan nodded a little, recovering from the tremor of the chill.

“Let me help you to sit,” said Wang Yibo, placing a hand under his head. He adjusted the pillow to the headboard and rested his back against it. He then checked the temperature of Xiao Zhan touching his forehead and hand for other vital signs, giving Xiao Zhan some relief from a light touch. Wang YiBo’s hand was warm and his cool skin seemed to be at ease with its warmth. So, he didn’t protest Wang YiBo to do so.

Once he was satisfied that all was well, he picked up the basin and headed for a door on the right side of the room. He was at the door when Wang Yibo heard a soft voice across the room. "Where am I?"

Wang Yibo didn’t turn around to face the owner of the voice. His pace slowed down a bit but he didn’t stop either. “In my house!” He just replied to Xiao Zhan's query walking forward and disappearing behind the door with the things in his hand.

The reply did nothing but bewilder him. He said where is he? In his house? This is his house. There he is….in his house? But why? Why is he here... in someone else's house whom he didn't even know very well? Who is merely his doctor? Then what is he doing here? Shouldn’t he have to be in his hospital rather than his house? What is all this?

Many thoughts were running through his mind that were going to drive him crazy and yet without turning them aside, he just gazed at the door where the man had disappeared. He was not able to see him through the little opening of the door, but the sound of running water coming from inside gave a guess that the unexplored room could be a bathroom.

A few minutes later, Wang Yibo reappeared in the room and left it through the other door, from where he entered first, without looking anywhere or saying anything. Xiao Zhan was watching his so-called doctor's every move with squinted eyes. He was suspicious as well as curious to know the intention of this person who was making him experience contradicting feelings at the same time.

Wang Yibo returned with a wheelchair and a packet in his hand. He stopped beside the bed on Xiao Zhan's side. He slowly removed the blanket, noting whether Xiao Zhan was feeling cold or not. Xiao Zhan shivered again at the loss of the warmth.

“It will be warm if you wear this." Wang Yibo took out the light blue woolen sweater from the packet and asked Xiao Zhan to wear it. Xiao Zhan was hesitant to take it. Seeing his reluctance, Wang Yibo didn't waste time to know his disapproval. He sat on the bed and opened the sweater's layers to make him wear it. Xiao Zhan was stunned by Wang YiBo’s initiative that he forgot to respond.

“The heater of the house broke last night. I called the electrician to fix it. They'll be here soon. Till then wearing this is the only option to not feel cold." Wang Yibo explained the reason why the room was feeling cold while helping to slip Xiao Zhan’s left hand into the sleeve of the sweater. Soon, Xiao Zhan was in baggy clothes with loose shoulders. He touched the soft fabric with his fingertips, feeling the heat oozing out of it and embracing him in its warmth.

“Don’t worry it is a new one,” Wang Yibo said, standing up from the bed. He pulled the wheelchair near the bed and bent down to Xiao Zhan's level. He put one hand behind his neck and the other under his knees, lifting him from the bed.

“Wha…. What are you doing?” Xiao Zhan was baffled by his sudden action.

By gently and carefully placing him in the wheelchair, Wang Yibo helped him to adjust so that he could sit properly. "I'm taking you to freshen up." He continued to put the safety belt around Xiao Zhan's waist to make sure he wouldn't lose his balance.

“NO” Xiao Zhan shouted, as soon as the words sank in his mind. What was he going to do? Helping him with his morning routine? That was a big NO from his side. Let Wang Yibo do so was so embarrassing for him. He couldn’t let it happen. And why was he doing so? It was not his work either.

Xiao Zhan was shaking his head vigorously and rubbing your hands constantly. He was anxious and this anxiety was taking hold of him. Seeing him going in such panic, Wang Yibo quickly bowed down and sat down in front of him.

“Xiao Zhan, calm down.” He told him in the softest voice he could use. He would not let him go in panic because going into them frequently not only harms his mental state but his physical health too. Xiao Zhan was too weak to handle those attacks. So he was trying to deal with him carefully.

“W.. Where is Mama?” Ignoring Wang YiBo’s words, he asked with his unfocused vision. Throbbing in his head was going to intensify with each passing second. Sweat beads were starting to form on his temple.

“Xiao Zhan, calm down first. She is here with us.” Wang Yibo told him, hoping that this would help ease his agitation but he was wrong.

“Call her.” Xiao Zhan demanded, still torturing the pale skin of his hands, sometimes clutching them tightly or rubbing them non-stop.

“Xiao Zhan, look at me. Listen to me. Please.” It was almost a plea that let out from Wang YiBo’s mouth seeing his action. But Xiao Zhan was far from acknowledging it.

“Noo….” Shaking his head he yelled. “Call her. Call my mama. I don’t need you. I don’t want you here. I want her here. C.. Call her, right now!” Came another cold shout from Xiao Zhan following the first one with harsh words.

But instead of being angry and feeling hurt by Xiao Zhan's sharp words, Wang Yibo only wanted him to come out of his anxiety and concentrate on him at the moment. “Okay… okay!! I will call her. But please first let me help you.”

Xiao Zhan was still reluctant to listen to anything. He was vague and his mind was not in a state to grasp what the other was saying to him. He was denying his every request to let him help. Seeing that Xiao Zhan was not recovering from his panic and not focusing on him Wang YiBo hold his shoulders and shook him gently.

“Xiao Zhan, listen. Focus and get a hold of yourself.” He said him strictly with his deep voice. It sent a ripple in him and like waking from a slumber, he started to calm down slowly. His eyes turned to focus and with heavy breaths, he started to exhale and inhale to catch it stably.

Seeing him calming down, Wang Yibo said further. “Xiao Zhan, calm down. Mrs Xiao is here but she is taking a rest now. She was awake last night. We reached here late at night and then she was sitting beside you the whole night because you were having a slight fever. Just in the morning, your fever went down and then I asked her to rest too. If you want I will wake her up.”

As soon as the situation came to his mind and he came to know that his mother was taking care of him all night, his heart was in pain for her. Slowly, he caught a hold of himself, thinking not to disturb his mother. But then he couldn't even accept Wang YiBo’s offer to help with those nasty things. Now what should he do? Should he agree because he was also in need of freshen up?

“… …  No. Don’t wake her up.” Xiao Zhan shook his head.        

“Then will you let me help you?” Seeing him almost convinced, Wang Yibo tried his luck further to have him agree to his help. “Please….”

Xiao Zhan didn’t know what more to say or how to refuse him. So he gave a small nod. Wang Yibo smiled and get up. He took Xiao Zhan in the bathroom and helped him do his morning routine. When Xiao Zhan finished, he took him to the sink and took that plastic basin and towel that he left there before, put the basin on Xiao Zhan's lap and the towel on his shoulders covering him from the front.

Without uttering any word, Xiao Zhan was simply doing what he was asked by the polite man with a bright smile. Wang Yibo opened the side cabinet and took a new toothbrush and tube of toothpaste out of it. He smeared toothpaste on it and passed it to Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan held it and brushed his teeth. After brushing, Wang Yibo rinsed his mouth taking water in his palm, and washed his face too.

After finishing with that, he brought Xiao Zhan back into the room. “Do you want to lie down?” He asked adjusting the blanket for Xiao Zhan.

“I want to sit for some more time.” Xiao Zhan said looking at nothing but on the floor.

Accepting his wish, Wang Yibo put a shawl on his thighs. Then, once again, he disappeared into the bathroom, only to return with another basin, larger than the first one, filled with hot water. He put a basin on the floor beside Xiao Zhan's chair and knelt in front of him. Lifting his feet, resting them on his thighs, he rolled Xiao Zhan's pants up. He dragged the wheelchair's foot pedal aside and placed the basin between the empty spaces.

Checking the water temperature with your fingertips, Wang Yibo gently removed Xiao Zhan's legs from his thighs and carefully dip them in the warm water. Xiao Zhan was as if he was in a trance. Just watched Wang YiBo’s action without blinking an eye, wondering what he was doing. During this, both remained silent which was broken by Wang Yibo.

“Your feet are swollen due to hanging down for a long time while traveling. Let them soak in water for some time. It will reduce inflammation and help you relax. Okay?" Wang Yibo said raising his eyebrows with a small shake of his head. He wanted assurance and Xiao Zhan, instead of speaking, just blinked his eyes giving him what he wanted. His approval! That was enough for Wang Yibo. He smiled and got up.

“Ok! Now you agree with me then let me bring something for you to eat. I will be back soon.” He flashed another smile to Xiao Zhan before going out of the room.

Xiao Zhan saw a disappearing back of him while pondering on what was happening to him today. So many things had happened since he woke up from his slumber that he couldn’t figure out whether it was reality or another dream.

                 ***********

Mrs. Xiao was pacing back and forth in the kitchen with a shawl wrapping around her shoulder when she saw Wang Yibo coming out of Xiao Zhan's room. She reached for him and caught him near the dining area.

“Oh, you woke up too. Good morning, Mrs. Xiao." She greeted the old lady politely but the other one also ignored him and without answering started asking him about her son.

“How is A-Zhan?" Mrs. Xiao asked him impatiently. Like the son, like the mother. Wang Yibo chuckled inwardly after the mother and son duo ignored his greetings for the second time in the morning.

“You should have woken me up. He doesn't like anyone around him except me. I shouldn't have slept. I should have been with him. I shouldn't have listened to you." Mrs. Xiao murmured to herself as she headed towards Xiao Zhan's room.

She woke up soon after Wang Yibo went to Xiao Zhan, to help him with his daily routine. Upon hearing this she immediately wanted to go after Wang Yibo, knowing that Xiao Zhan would not allow anyone to go near him in the morning, when Mrs. Wang stopped her and told her to let Wang Yibo do this.

Standing on her feet she almost slipped from there when they heard the shout of Xiao Zhan but once again the host lady of the house stopped her. She reasoned that Xiao Zhan needed her and would not cooperate with anyone. But Mrs. Wang ceased her, asking her to give her son a chance to try it. In the end, she, reluctantly, had to agree.

“Xiao Zhan is fine. Yes, though at first, he was refusing but then let me assist him.” These were the words that made the worried woman halt to her feet. Standing in front of him, her face filled with wonder and shock.

And why not?  When her son… her stubborn son, who had never listened to anyone before, neither his family nor the nurses hired for him, he allowed this man to help him with his mornings. This was nothing short of a miracle and that too was happening on the very first day of his coming here.

She simply looked at the man astonishingly. “Is this really happening?”

With a small nod, as he read what was going through her mind, Wang YiBo took her to the dining table and made her sit there. "Please rest assured, Mrs Xiao. This may seem quick to say but he needs to adapt to new things and be independent before he starts real treatment. So let him deal with that." Wang YiBo told her before turning to her mother who was watching them from the kitchen. "Is breakfast ready, mom?"

“It will take some time now." Mrs. Wang replied, stirring the spatula in the pot.

“Please prepare some hot milk and nuts till then." He also went inside and prepared a hot pack bottle by himself.

He took the tray and the hot pack bottle with him and went to the room where he had left Xiao Zhan alone. As soon as he opened the door, seeing the view inside, the things in his hands almost fell and he dashed inside, screaming.

“XIAO ZHANNNN….”

TBC~~~~~~~