My Day-To-Day Life (4)

I'm a Communication Idiot (February 27, 2024)

I woke up at 6:45 AM from my alarms.

Day 1, first was French. We just continued the movie for Un Sac De Billes. We almost finished it, just 10 minutes left that we will watch tomorrow.

Next was physics, there was person doing some like observations of our classroom and teaching for their own learning purposes. Mme G came in a bit late, but then we talked about the similarities between electrical force and gravitational force, then some exercises and such.

In socials, the M. F was talking about individualisme and collectivisme and stuff

For math, we finished an example on limits, and then did some revision questions for the test Thursday and Friday. It's on inequations and the domain of functions together.

Then in physics part 2, we looked at more examples and the electrical forces of systems with more than 2 charged objects.

When I got home, I streamed for 2 hours and 7 minutes, I had a pretty good time actually! I solved as I do, did some solve critiques and races, yeah! I raided rapidcuber.

After supper, I was doing my lab a bit and talking with Ells! It was good :3 Then xe asked if I wanted to call to help xem with math, so we did, and it turned out xe didn't need any help x3 But then I started panicking a bit I think, about the lab and just the stresses of this demanding school week, and I don't think I handled it very well- I became unusually down and Eli noticed, so thought it would be best for me if we stopped the call.

Xe asked what was up by text after, and I confessed that I was overwhelmed, and I didn't wanna say anything because I knew it would make xem sad if I couldn't text :< We talked a lil about it then I went on to do my lab, which took about an hour.

I don't think I even did it right, I was quite internally frustrated because a lab report like this is not something I've ever done, and I did not enjoy doing it. I powered through though, and when I returned to tell El I was gonna get ready for bed, xe went emotionless.

Xe said it's to make it so that I can't know if xe's happy or sad if I have to go do other things, so that it's easier for me to do so. I understand that, and it's really kind of Elliott to try to help me, but I don't think a distancing from effective communication would be good at all ^^' This all stems from my own inability to communicate, and I don't want xem to hide xirs feelings 🥺 We decided we will continue talking about this tomorrow to manage things better, and I really hope we can figure things out together 💙💙💙

And since it's confession time, I might as well say that this has sorta happened before- In the previous semester, on at least 4 occasions, I messaged with Leli through the night, only to stay up a few hours after I would normally sleep, in order to complete schoolwork. In my mind, it was the same reason, to not sadden my lovely boy, but as I look at it now, it's a failure of communication on my part. I don't mention these to make you feel bad, Ells, because it's not your fault that I never told you 🥺 It's to own up to the fact that I should have been more open about that, and that I will be from now on. I'm really sorry about all of this honeybun 💙💙💙💙

All I want is for my beloved Elibubs to be happy, and for us to be in happy relationship 🥺 I love xem more than anything in the hecking universe, and we'll figure things out darling 🥺💙💙💙💙

It is now 1:14 AM and I'll sleep soon.

Good night!