Life in Color ✔️

20~ Thirteen

Today I feel incredibly old.

The twins are officially 13 and I don't know how to process that information. We woke them up with a truly horrendous rendition of Happy Birthday and ate whooping amounts of both chocolate chip and sprinkled pancakes.

The rule is that the birthday kid, or kids, gets to choose everything for the day from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep. I have to draw the line at skipping school though, no matter how tempting the idea is. Avery's been extra obnoxious as of late, her minions around every corner, always ready to catch me off guard.

So we go in late instead.

The five of us stop by our parents grave site, a place we used to visit every week but it feels like our last visit was a lifetime ago. The last time I brought the kids was the day before I met Ashton, that's why I overslept. It doesn't seem that long but the more I think about it, that was a different life. So much has changed in the past two months.

We let the twins talk alone for a while, the three of us waiting in the distance. They needed this.

Sage nudges my arm, "How you holding up?"

I blink back the tears I'm fighting, "I'm perfectly fine, why do you ask?"

I'm engulfed in a well needed hug, "Come on, Scar, if I feel like a wreck then you must be a mess." He insists.

A mess I am, indeed. As the boys sit down, making themselves comfortable I can't help but let my mind wander back to the question I've asked myself so many times.

"Are we doing a good enough job?" I ask bluntly. I've never addressed this fear with Sage before, afraid he'd just laugh.

He sighs, "I can't take credit for anything, Sis, you've done a pretty amazing job with us."

"I try." Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn't cry but the tears start falling. The cold air causing them to sting as they trail down my face.

"Don't try so hard." Saffron tells me, sipping on her hot coco, "You're already the best."

I ruffle her hair, "You think so, Squirt?"

She nods affirmatively, I'm happy I make someone happy.

We join them on the grass with a box of cupcakes to celebrate. Today isn't for mourning, despite the fact we're in a cemetery.

Their eyes are red but they're smiling. Wordlessly, Silver crawls onto my lap, leaning his head against my chest, something he hasn't done since he was a little kid. I don't question it, allowing myself to hold on to their kid years a little longer.

We chat, catching our parents up to date with our lives. Going into detail about winning districts and state and all the grades. We glaze over Thanksgiving, why ruin a good conversation with our family problems.

There's bickering and cupcake wrapper throwing but I love every moment of it.

After about two hours it's time to go, the December chill finally setting into our bones and I don't feel like being marked truant. If we get to school before 11:45 Karen won't get a phone call.

It's a win-win situation.

"Oh, Mom and Dad, one more thing." Sterling says with a bright smile right as we're about to walk to the car.

"Scarlett has a boyfriend." Silver spits out, finishing the statement before the duo darts to the car.

"I do not!" I protest although no one's listening to me. I turn my attention to my parents stones, "I don't, I promise, you two would be the first to know."