Life in Color ✔️

32~ Change

"What about Ashton?"

I keep my face neutral, ignoring the million memories that flash through my mind at the thought of his name. I can imagine Sage sitting here, spilling his guts about my nonexistent relationship to take the attention off of him.

"None of your siblings ratted you out, his name has been mentioned unprompted all day. He seems to have a very big impact on your lives."

I chuckle dryly, slightly annoyed she could read me so easily. "You could say that."

I focus on the plaques hanging on her wall in uniform rows. I want to sit here, feel uncomfortable, answer the mandatory questions and leave. Not talk about the boy who was holding my hand 25 minutes ago.

"Obviously he means something to you." I remain silent. "Has he helped you move on in any way?"

I shrug, "I suppose."

She gives me a disappointed look. Sighing, I continue, knowing this should please her. "I've started talking to more people. I actually was out before this with people that weren't Ella and Stella."

I'm not going to tell her Gabe was one of those people because I feel like keeping that can of worms buried.

She hums, "That's an impressive improvement on its own." I smile a little to myself, it was. "How did he help you on the anniversary?"

My smile falls, "He didn't."

In my mind I can see him standing on my porch, the mixture of pain, anger, and hurt on his face. How fast he ran away from me.

It still pains me.

"Why was that?" She prompts. I purse my lips, something tells me she already knows the answer.

"I didn't tell him. He found out though."

She crosses her legs, creating new wrinkles in her black pants. "And why did you not tell him?"

I cross my arms over my chest, looking back at the wall. Because I'm a coward.

She clears her throat.

"I didn't see the need to. He's the first friend I've had in a while to actually remind me who I was. I didn't want pity."

She writes some things down, making me want to steal her pen. I've always hated that, it makes me uncomfortable to not know what she thinks about me.

"Isn't that what you want? For me to make new friends, stop isolating myself from the world?"

All I've heard for two years was that I needed to open up and now, once I finally do, it's not enough. Why try?

She looks at me, "There's a healthy way to make friends, Scarlett, hiding and lying to them is not the way to do it."

I focus on the ground. "I know that, I never said I didn't regret it."

The realization that I could've lost Ashton still haunts me. What would I do without him? A few months ago I never would imagine I'd be this worried over someone. Now here I am.

"How do you think Ashton feels about you?"

I bite my lips in remembrance of our kisses. The way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention, the smile I always sneak a glimpse at. "I'm not sure." She gives me a knowing look.

Why is Ashton so obsessed with her?

"We're friends, we tell each other everything."

She nods, clearly not fully satisfied with my answer. "And how do you feel about Ashton?"