Legends In Love {Legends of Tomorrow}

Time

Hot, ugly tears stream down my face as I sit there, in front of Jax's prone form. My shoulders shaking and chest heaving.

Snart is at my side right away followed instantly by Sara.

"Hey," he says quietly, "Come here."

I turn towards him, arms outstretched fully prepared to sink into his embrace and forget everything. All this pain. All this sorrow. All the sacrifices that have been made. And the one that's still left to be done.

But I don't. Instead I stand. Shakily, very shakily, in fact I almost fall over. Snart is instantly at my elbow, ready to help me but I move away from him; my eyes fastened on that foul glowing machine.

The Oculus.

"No," I swallow hard. "Still have a job to do."

I step forwards towards that horrible machine and a hand wraps around my tricep, gripping me tight. I pause, lowering my head to stare at the floor.

"Leonard, please." My eyes are dripping tears onto the floor. I can barely hold myself together. Raising my eyes to look at him, he's just a blue blur. Blinking, he comes into focus. And I wish he didn't.

His shoulders are sagging and his face is tired but his eyes, his eyes are so broken, so lost. He can't speak.

"I have to do this," I whisper.

I expect him to tighten his grip and he pull me back. His eyes turned from sad to flaming. I want him to yell,

"Why? Why does it have to be you? Why now? It's not your job! You're no hero, Jones! The hell is wrong with you? We need to get out of here! We can blow it up some other way that doesn't require us being here! You're supposed to be smart, Jones!"

He's supposed to smirk, that ever present smugness always available. He's supposed to pull me away to safety. He's supposed to chide me for being stupid.

But he doesn't.

Because he gets it.

He knows that if it's not me it's Sara, it's Ray, it's Mick, it's Rip, it's Kendra...it's Jax.

It's him.

"No," I say softly. His eyes find mine and I shake my head, swallowing to alleviate the tightness in my throat.

"Not you."

His eyes harden and this time he does tighten his grip.

"Then it's not you either," He retorts.

I chuckle wryly and wipe the tears from my face, sniffling slightly. Smiling at him, I can barely hold back more tears.

"Goodbye Snart."

"Kari-"

A stronger emotion floods my system replacing the fear and sadness. Anger. I wrench myself out of his grip, stepping backwards towards The Oculus.

"No you don't get it!" I snap. "This is it! If I don't someone else has to die and I'm not letting that happen!"

"And I'm not letting it be you!" Snart shouts back.

The anger vanishes. It's too much to hold onto. There's too much sadness creeping in.

All the moments I've stolen with him. All the times he's saved my arse and I've saved his. All the times we've kissed. Everything is back.

I want to collapse. I want to sob.

I don't want to do this.

But I can't let it be him.