A Poignant Fallacy

Scene 58- The Colors

I was sleeping. Deep in sleep, sinking into my soft mattress wedged between my fluffy comforter and pillows.
One thing about me is that I can't go to sleep very easy. Sometimes I have to imagine my Daddy or Jackson holding me so I feel protected.
But I was in slumber when I started to feel my arm being nudged. Half consciously, I didn't understand. I started to get nudged on my left arm harder and more annoyingly until I jolted out of sleep and sat up.

"Woah. Relax it's just me." JD says laughing.

I whined realizing it was still dark outside, "Whhyyy did you wake me up?"

I started to rub my eyes and he leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Want to go see the colors?"

I smiled and nodded. 'Seeing the colors' meant driving to the middle of nowhere Arkansas to watch the sunrise. I've done it with JD since I was five. Back when we lived in Rhode Island, you could see the sunrise from the beach we lived from walking distance from. After the first time him and I did it, I called sunrises the colors. But only to him. It was JD and I's special thing.

After I scrambled to slide my sneakers on and put on athletic shorts and a sweatshirt (something my mother usually doesn't let me wear) I quietly ran down one side of our double staircase. JD told me he'd warm up the car. I thought that was silly because it's summer, but when I stepped into the garage it was really chilly.

I saw the front passenger seat door wide open and looked at JD sitting in the driver seat confused.

"You'll have to ride in the back on the way home because Mom and Dad might see, but I thought you'd want to sit up here." He said with his voice still groggy. It was probably 5 am.

My tired but cheerful voice replied, "You thought right."

And I jumped into the front seat. Not without a struggle to step up into his tall GMC Denali truck. He laughed and offered his hand out to me and pulled me in.

The garage went up and he switched the gear to pull out of the driveway.

After he got us breakfast from Chick-fil-a, we drove in the darkness on the two lane highway for about 20 minutes. Luckily we already lived outside of the city so we weren't too far away from our good sunrise spot.

I drifted in and out of sleep as JD quietly played his favorite country songs. He like Zach Bryan the best out of all of my brothers. My favorite country singers are Morgan Wallen and Tyler Childers. Liking Morgan Wallen is one of the only things that Beau and I have in common.

We hadn't gone to see the sunrise in a couple months. JD got really busy with senior things. Graduation, prom, assassins game, senior spring break, spring soccer. I hadn't seen much of him, I just watched him in all of his accomplishments.

Not that I was bitter. It actually made me excited to be in high school one day. Sometimes I wished that my parents had me earlier so I could have gone to high school at the same time as JD.

It didn't matter though because this was his last summer before he went to college and then he won't be able to take me to see the sunrise at all. JD is going to Chapel Hill in North Carolina. He's going to play D1 soccer, and I'm really happy because he's happy, but I'm sad he won't be home often.

All of my other brothers went to college at UARK. Yet they never came home much. Jackson has been studying abroad for two years and that's how he met Scarlett. It was really hard to not see him during the holidays, but we managed to visit him a couple times.

I thought about all of this as we pulled into the tall grass. An empty field with no buildings in sight. Just the road and the dark sky. We were probably trespassing on someone's farm, but if JD didn't care then I didn't either.

We both sat in the truck bed and he turned his speaker on. I bit into the honey chicken mini biscuits and they melted into my mouth. Nothing beats chicken minis.

"I'm sorry about last night." JD said after some comfortable silence.

"Yeah. It's okay." I said awkwardly.

We sat next to each other but apart as the sky started to get lighter. A shade of dark purple. I didn't really have the relationship with him like I do my other brothers. I don't cuddle with him, sit on his lap, and he rarely kisses me.

I like it like that. I feel like he's sometimes the only person that thinks I'm a real girl. With the ability to make decisions, or take care of herself, and not have to be protected 24/7. Although I know he'd always protect me. But even though he's six years older than me, I feel like I'm equal with him.

"I don't know how to fix it. I wish I did. I think they thought you'd never grow up... somehow." He says genuinely.

"I think they want me to be their babydoll forever." I said bluntly, hoping he'd understand.

"You really are just a little girl that they can dress up and tell what to do and what to like in their eyes." He said somewhat sad.

"I want to be treated like a twelve year old." I said defeated.

"I know. I know. I'll see what I can do. No promises though." He said.

We sat in silence again. The sun started to peak through the horizon. Making the sky a pretty shade of orange. My favorite part was next, when the sky is pink.

"I hope it's pink again today." You could hear my smile in my voice.

"I hope it is too." He said smiling.

The speaker plays More Than My Hometown and I had to get up and dance. I hopped off the edge of the truck and pulled JD's arm to come dance with me.

And we danced and ran around while the sky turned pink. I stared at it bright eyed and JD and I spun around holding hands.

I loved when we watched the sunrise because this is the only time he dances and runs around with me. These mornings I would cherish forever.