The Empress Wears Gucci

04

        Do you ever feel like you are lost in life, without knowing what to do with yourself? Or perhaps when you find yourself in a situation that is too complicated to handle, so you wish to deal with it immediately? What do you do when you get into a challenging situation? Do you sit back and enjoy the ride, although the walls are burning around you? Or do you at least get up and try to find possible solutions? One thing to keep in mind is: you should never be idle when you are going through something difficult. 

        I woke up to the sound of Hua Er's footsteps. She looked at me and smiled. The tray of food hit the table gently. 

        "You're up early," I said groggily. "Thank you."

        "No worries," she responded lightly. She looked too happy. "The Emperor wants to see you later, so please dress nice."

        "Where are you going?" 

        "Ah, my cousin wants to have a chat with me. You know, the Emperor had sent my mother many gifts."

        "Good to know."

        "Ying Yue," she kneeled down to face me. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know that you'd be mad, you don't have to please His Majesty if you don't want to... I—"

        I shifted my body to face her, still in bed. "I'm not mad about that. I'm mad that you didn't tell me before. The Emperor is a powerful, influential man, do you know what can happen to me if I refuse to sleep with him? Hypothetically, of course. It's best to provide the full details, without sugarcoating anything."

        "I apologize deeply for the miscommunication." 

        She was too kind for me to hold a grudge. Besides, I promised Lei Shu to treat her well. It was not nice of me to lash out at Hua Er when this was just a slight misunderstanding. Lei Shu was probably worried sick. I imagined her alone, perhaps meeting her relatives from time to time, but she must have missed Hua Er dearly. Once the Emperor starts to dote on me, I'll ask him to let Lei Shu in the Palace. If he refuses, I will plead. It was harsh to separate a mother from her daughter, and vice versa. This is something I should do for them. 

        "I forgive you," I mumbled while I sprawled my legs around and stretched. 

        "I will see you soon then, I suppose?" Hua Er asked, giggling at my morning stretch.

        "Yeah," I gave her a sloppy smile. "Thank you for the food."

        The mirror placed on my small desk wasn't as big as it was back home. It was a tiny little circular mirror, the back of the mirror had little designs on it. I assumed the material on the back of the mirror was bronze, and I was sure I was right because of the videos I watched a month ago. If I wasn't stuck here, I would've actually enjoyed my time in Ancient China. It was a pretty sight. Many would've paid to get in. This was the real Forbidden City, with the real servants, concubines, emperor, and empress. There was real food, real furniture, real chambers, real clothing, everything around me was not a dream. I ended up here, randomly or for a reason. It didn't matter because I was going to get out soon. 

        After my mind focused on the situation I found myself in tears. I gripped the mirror with my right hand. I wanted to smash it into pieces and destroy everything in this room. All the heavy emotions that I still haven't let out from last night, erupted like a sad volcano. My eyes were swollen from yesterday, but it would be even worse after I finished with my useless crying.