The Empress Wears Gucci

84

        I almost stormed into the room in the morning. The morning assembly I held with the concubines was short because Jaxon was on my mind. There was an itch—an urge almost—to skip the morning assembly because I had more important things to do. But I couldn't. 

        Throughout the time I spent with the concubines, I tried my best to hold my tears in, but I ended up being teary-eyed. 

       This was the first time I showed any emotion in front of a large audience. I wasn't embarrassed. I wanted to let them know that I've been through a lot. I didn't want to have this tough girl look all the time. The Empress was crying. She wasn't always this dominating woman. Embracing this Empress side—this feminine side is to not be afraid to become vulnerable. It was fine to show your emotions.

        Dismissal was early this time.  

        "How is he?" I looked at the physician. I tried to walk in nonchalantly because it'd raise suspicion as to why I was being so frantic about the Emperor's advisor.

        The physician bowed. "He's doing fine and will recover very soon, Your Majesty."

       I knew what he was thinking with the look on his face. Even with my superior acting skills, I couldn't hide the concern on my face. My heart was pounding at the speed of light in this silent room. The physician could've heard the thuds against my chest.

       When he studied my reaction, I gave him a quick smile.

       "We discussed a few issues together," I reassured the physician, doing my best to knock down any thoughts about an affair. "...And he saved my life yesterday."

        With that, the physician nodded. "I shall take my leave first then, Empress." 

        He bowed once again and left the room to us. 

        My mind was wandering. I didn't want to walk another step forward. I recalled what happened after Hua Fa led me back, and how devastated I was.

        It was dark and rainy when I was bombarded with guards around my palace. They assumed that I may be attacked when I return to my palace, but it never happened. When I was being protected in my palace, I didn't feel safe. 

       All I was thinking was how unfair it was that Jaxon was out there somewhere, while I was being protected. The weather was so bad that I was almost sure that they'd leave Jaxon there to die. To be a useless person and to not do anything about it, killed me. 

       I prayed that night. I didn't go to the Imperial shrine and pray, but I prayed with my back against my bed. Hua Er prayed with me. After, I laid in bed with the flashbacks of the arrow in his chest. I fell asleep to the booming thunder and the heavy raindrops against the roof. Just like the rain, I shed tears of my own.

        It wasn't surprising to know who was responsible for the rebellion.

        The second prince was behind all of it. He thought I was incompetent and I would cause the downfall of the Wang Dynasty. He thought that the Emperor was whipped for me and granted me all this access to information I shouldn't be having. Honestly, it was obvious. He never liked me, ever. The officials stopped the excessive amount of hate towards me, but he never stopped. There was always the set of hateful eyes of his, lingering on me.

        Prince Jing, and now the second prince. How many more will come to hurt me?

        "Carmen, is that you?" Jaxon's voice was raspy, which caused a sharp tingle in my body. 

        In an angle to where I was standing, I watched him shift his upper body up from the bed. When we both made eye contact, I stopped worrying.