The Empress Wears Gucci

10

       "N-No! Of course not..." I flushed.

      "You don't know how to play the instrument, I don't believe you. Your lady-in-waiting must've got the instrument herself," The Emperor chuckled. "I will forgive you once, but Ying Yue, I don't forgive a second time."

      I nodded. "Thank you, Your Majesty, for your pardon."

      "Ah, this is the guqin," the Emperor approached the instrument and sat down. There a smile on his lips. Still, it always felt alien to me.

      "My lady-in-waiting really likes to play."

      "Come, let me teach you the basics... If you don't know already." He gestured me to come towards him.

        After an hour-long session of instrument playing with the Emperor, I soon began to feel tired. The melody of the instrument didn't help me stay awake as well. The guqin played beautifully. The way the Emperor played this ancient instrument was sorrowful. There was a touch of sadness, a tone of deep, hidden melancholy when he played. How I wish I could ask him how he felt. Being the Emperor isn't too easy, was it? I rested my head on the Emperor's shoulder. As he stroked my hair, I couldn't help but feel a hint of calmness. The silence between us, the sound of us softly breathing, and his presence... It was too much for me. I was soon going to return home, leaving him behind. I forbid myself from falling in love with him.

         Besides, he'll leave me for his concubines. I would never fall in love with someone with multiple women.

        "I'm tired, Your Majesty." I breathed and slowly raised my head from his shoulder.

          "Why don't we go take a walk?" he suggested, just a little bit too close to me.

        We faced each other as we stood up. His hands were on my waist as he leaned his head closer to me, craning his neck. I flushed instantly. I just couldn't stop myself. The Emperor kept his eyes directly on mine, while I tried to avoid his stare. We were inches away from each other, his hands were still placed on my waist. I scanned his face. How could anyone be this beautiful? The paintings and pictures of the emperors I have seen were all hideous. How could this be possible? I wanted to kiss him. His soft pink lips were practically in front of me. I could lay with him and be crowned Empress for all I care.

        I'm being a little bit risky. My hormones were out of control.

        I can't be risky.

        "That would be pleasant," I whispered.

        We walked aimlessly, the night sky dark this time. The moon was no longer full. However, the familiar sounds of nighttime filled my eyes, and I can still breathe the fresh air around me. We walked side by side. The back of our hands softly brushing past each other when our arms swayed to walk. It was a light stroll. I was tired, but I assumed the Emperor wasn't. I didn't know why I agreed to this but I did. To gain the Emperor's favour, I had to do whatever it takes. 

         The Emperor broke the silence of our walk. "Tell me about your family." 

         "Not much to say," I responded fast. "They're not here... anymore. Hua Er's mother took me in when I was small. I don't know what happened to my parents. I don't know their names, where they live, and their faces are too foggy in my memories. They don't love me nor want me anymore. Why should I dwell on that? Am I right, Your Majesty?"

          "Indeed."

          As I pondered about my actual family, I was devastated to be away from them. I was frustrated about the idea that I had to stay here and make an effort to get out. I was lazy. I don't think I want to put so much effort into something that wasn't even my fault in the first place. I wanted to die. Now that the darkness was ready to consume me, I think I'd rather just lay down and let it. I pleaded to go home to whoever was listening. I want to go home. In the Imperial harem, I'm especially not planning to serve the Emperor. I'd rather die in this sexist Hell-ish place. But my mind found its way back into my body and not deep below the ground. The Emperor and I were walking side-by-side in the darkness. Although I felt alone with this conflict, I didn't feel too alone tonight.